I'm lost. DD told me she was raped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm feeling shell-shocked and questioning everything, including my reaction.

My DD is almost 16. It happened almost a year ago with a boy she knows but hasn't seen since it happened. She was a virgin.

I'm not even sure what I'm looking for in this post. I know my plan is to have her visit her doc for a check-up and screening and to seek out support groups and a therapist.

I've posted before (in the teens forum) about her issues with academics and how it stemmed from her low self-esteem. This all came to a head when she failed school this year. Little did I know this is what lay beneath the surface. She wrote me a letter. We had a good talk and I cried. She admitted that she dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts (she says she made an attempt).

I'm just questioning everything. Did I react correctly? Should I have been blazing angry? I feel like I took the news too calmly. I'm just second guessing everything.

Again, not sure what I'm asking here. Just feeling lost and incredibly sad.

Your daughter knew you would be mad about her failing so she made up this rape story, the attempted suicide, all of it. IF this were a true sexual assault, she would have told you the day it happened, the name of the boy. It happened at a friend's house ? Does the friend know ? Do the parents know an assault took place in their home ? If they don't, they need to know. Their home is a crime scene. Has this boy raped any other girls ? Is he in the habit of going to young girl homes and raping the ones he likes ? Why aren't you down at the PD station filing a report ? This needs to be reported. Was your daughter on birth control ? STDs ? Maybe this boy is on the prowl right now. You need to report him !

Kids are smart today. They know how to manipulate adults and where sympathy lies.

This is not the 60s anymore. Sexual assaults need to be reported. If she refuses, you will have your answer.

I'm thinking she failed because school was boring and she just wanted to have fun so she just pissed away a year. Now she's ashamed of failing so she told you this story for you to feel sorry for her.

My niece told this same story when she got caught skipping school and failing. Next came the baby. There was no rape.

Yikes PP! I don't think OP doesn't believe her daughter though and numerous PPs have explained very well why they never told about their assaults immediately. Just because she didn't in this case doesn't mean she's your in need of serious help relative. The child needs help no matter what.

Can we PLEASE all just ignore this awful troll and go back to supporting OP?

OP, sending good vibes to you. Take it one day at a time -- it will take a while for her to heal.

[Anonymous]

Am still curious about her reaction to starting therapy...?

[Anonymous]

She needs a good trauma therapist. You need one, too, to help guide you now what she needs.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

What did the doctor say on Monday?

[Anonymous]

Good luck to both you and your daughter (and other family members). There is a long and challenging road ahead.

Remind her (as often as needed):
She is not alone. She is not at fault. She deserves help. She deserves to be happy again. You love her regardless.

A friend who was raped found it very empowering to file the police report. Thirty years later she still thinks making the report was one of the more important moments in her life. A therapist might help her gain the courage to do so, and prepare her for the experience.

Your story sparked a memory of reading this piece: http://www.cnn.com/2015/06/12/health/mother-daughter-anorexia-turning-point/. Not sure if you will find it helpful, but their experiences might be enlightening for you.

[Anonymous]

Do you know the friend and/or the parents where this happened? I can't even imagine what this friend might have been doing while this was happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd want his information so I could crack his skull with a baseball bat.

+1

After I violate him with the bat.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, take comfort in the fact that she told you. This is a huge step. I was sexually assaulted when I was 14 and told no one until my late 20s when I finally sought therapy to help me stop allowing that one event in my past to define me. Get her in therapy ASAP. If she doesn't like her therapist, find another one. Therapy is crucial. Ask her what she needs, support her the best you can. Good luck, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to hear this from your daughter.

OP here. Thank you for sharing. I'm very grateful that she did tell me what's going on. I don't know why I assumed this is something that is naturally told to parents and was even saddened that she didn't think she could come to me sooner (she said she wasn't sure if I'd believe her). I'm definitely going to pursue therapy in the morning.

Thanks again for your post. I hope you're doing great now.

Thanks OP, by all accounts, I am in fact doing great now And your daughter will get through this too because she has you to support her and you're getting the professional help she needs sooner rather than later.

Hugs to you and your daughter, OP.
"I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become." -Carl Jung

[Anonymous]

Best advice I got when my child was sick and struggling:

"Everyone has a lost year. This is his."

I know the situations aren't similar, but the lost year part is. You and your daughter can work on rebuilding and helping her move forward so that this doesn't ruin her life, and know that there are many, many people out there who have recovered from whatever, regrouped, moved on.

I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Have you pressed charges yet? Because the first thing you do is let your kid know this is not acceptable, she is not at fault and he will be prosecuted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you pressed charges yet? Because the first thing you do is let your kid know this is not acceptable, she is not at fault and he will be prosecuted.

I feel for OP. I have a DD, and I'd be livid/sad if this happened to her.

But, how do you know the boy would be prosecuted? It's been a year. It's now a he said/she said scenario. These things are hard to prove after so much time has passed, and there's no physical or corroborating testimony.

I also have a DS. If someone accused my DS of rape, and my DS denies it was rape, then as his parent, I would believe my DS, just as OP believes her DD. False rape accusations can ruin a person's life, so the law shouldn't presume a boy is guilty.

I'm not saying OP's DD shouldn't press charges. I'm saying it will be very difficult to prove or prosecute.

[Anonymous]

Have you pressed charges yet? Because the first thing you do is let your kid know this is not acceptable, she is not at fault and he will be prosecuted.

Please don't do this. Just tell your daughter that it is not acceptable and she is not at fault. It is up to the DA whether the person will be prosecuted, you have no basis to make any promises in that regard and you don't want her to feel you've promised something you can't deliver on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd want his information so I could crack his skull with a baseball bat.

+1

Find a good lawyer and send the asshole to juvie.

[Anonymous]

OP, is there any part of your gut questioning your daughter's story? You know your daughter and none of us do.

Is she still friends with the person who invited this boy over?