I'm lost. DD told me she was raped.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you getting the feeling she'll ever want to say who the neighborhood friend is, and who is the rapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Within the last year? Well within the statute of limitations. Empower her and involve the police. Don't let the boy get away with it, even if the best evidence you have is he said-she said. Subject him to an investigation and the stress that goes along with it.

I am going to talk with my DD about her comfort level of involving the police. I don't want to overwhelm her. She took a big step in telling me and I don't want to now roll full force over her if she's not ready. I'm not saying she'll never involve the police but I just want to make sure I don't make it so that she feels overwhelmed by everything. But, I plan to talk with her about this today.

Sounds like you're on a good path. Was the medical appointment today helpful at all?

?

[Anonymous]

Given that we have three different legal jurisdictions in close proximity, you might want to compare reporting requirements in DC, MD, and VA before choosing a therapist (assuming this week's visit didn't trigger a report).

Good luck to you both in dealing with all of this. it's really hard.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the daughter didn't want to go to the appointment today?

[Anonymous]

I'll say it. I just have a bad gut feeling OP just might be getting played by her kid. But I still hope they both get a good therapist.

[Anonymous]

or maybe she wanted advice when things felt chaotic, but never wanted random yahoos from dcum asking her detailed updates on her life? eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:or maybe she wanted advice when things felt chaotic, but never wanted random yahoos from dcum asking her detailed updates on her life? eh?

Just sayin, I think this teen knows how to play her mother. I also think deep down, OP already knows it. Just sayin. The names aren't going to come out. There aren't any. There's a good reason for all the vagueness in the story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please, don't push your daughter into pressing charges. I too was raped at 14 by a popular senior at my high school while I was a lowly freshman. He didn't just rape me, he burned me with cigarettes, tied me up, did disgusting things to me. He threatened me about telling on him and I was so scared and in shock I didn't tell until days later - making it into a "he said she said" situation". Reporting it ruined my teenage life. It was never prosecuted because there was not enough evidence. He told everyone at school that he paid me for sex and I was a liar and a whore. I lost all my friends. People tormented me for the rest of my high school stay. Guys would throw dollar bills on my desk at school and tell me they wanted a BJ, etc. I was known as the lying b*tch whore. I was a virgin when he raped me. If I could go back in time, I would either report it right when it happened, or not at all.

I'm sorry you went through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relating this to your earlier post -- your daughter may not go back to her old self. She may not function well academically; she may need medication for anxiety. She may need a school alternative, like school on computer/online. Your idea of boarding school may actually be a good one, if there is a strong therapeutic environment. These are issues that may need to be explored.

Best of luck, OP.

Boarding school is a bad idea. You need to keep her going to a school near home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relating this to your earlier post -- your daughter may not go back to her old self. She may not function well academically; she may need medication for anxiety. She may need a school alternative, like school on computer/online. Your idea of boarding school may actually be a good one, if there is a strong therapeutic environment. These are issues that may need to be explored.

Best of luck, OP.

Boarding school is a bad idea. You need to keep her going to a school near home.

Also did not like the idea of "strong therapeutic environment." Sound like a residential treatment center where people send their kids with behavioral problems (drugs, shoplifting) or mental health problems. They are very restrictive and often use tough love approaches. Definitely not what OP's DD needs. A regular boarding school--maybe if DD thinks she needs to get away from it all, but tend to agree with keeping her close to home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm feeling shell-shocked and questioning everything, including my reaction.

My DD is almost 16. It happened almost a year ago with a boy she knows but hasn't seen since it happened. She was a virgin.

I'm not even sure what I'm looking for in this post. I know my plan is to have her visit her doc for a check-up and screening and to seek out support groups and a therapist.

I've posted before (in the teens forum) about her issues with academics and how it stemmed from her low self-esteem. This all came to a head when she failed school this year. Little did I know this is what lay beneath the surface. She wrote me a letter. We had a good talk and I cried. She admitted that she dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts (she says she made an attempt).

I'm just questioning everything. Did I react correctly? Should I have been blazing angry? I feel like I took the news too calmly. I'm just second guessing everything.

Again, not sure what I'm asking here. Just feeling lost and incredibly sad.

Culdn't read and not respond. What a tragedy. Get her support, as you're planning to. Second guessing yourself is normal in such situation. Is it too late to press charges?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm feeling shell-shocked and questioning everything, including my reaction.

My DD is almost 16. It happened almost a year ago with a boy she knows but hasn't seen since it happened. She was a virgin.

I'm not even sure what I'm looking for in this post. I know my plan is to have her visit her doc for a check-up and screening and to seek out support groups and a therapist.

I've posted before (in the teens forum) about her issues with academics and how it stemmed from her low self-esteem. This all came to a head when she failed school this year. Little did I know this is what lay beneath the surface. She wrote me a letter. We had a good talk and I cried. She admitted that she dealt with depression and suicidal thoughts (she says she made an attempt).

I'm just questioning everything. Did I react correctly? Should I have been blazing angry? I feel like I took the news too calmly. I'm just second guessing everything.

Again, not sure what I'm asking here. Just feeling lost and incredibly sad.

Your daughter knew you would be mad about her failing so she made up this rape story, the attempted suicide, all of it. IF this were a true sexual assault, she would have told you the day it happened, the name of the boy. It happened at a friend's house ? Does the friend know ? Do the parents know an assault took place in their home ? If they don't, they need to know. Their home is a crime scene. Has this boy raped any other girls ? Is he in the habit of going to young girl homes and raping the ones he likes ? Why aren't you down at the PD station filing a report ? This needs to be reported. Was your daughter on birth control ? STDs ? Maybe this boy is on the prowl right now. You need to report him !

Kids are smart today. They know how to manipulate adults and where sympathy lies.

This is not the 60s anymore. Sexual assaults need to be reported. If she refuses, you will have your answer.

I'm thinking she failed because school was boring and she just wanted to have fun so she just pissed away a year. Now she's ashamed of failing so she told you this story for you to feel sorry for her.

My niece told this same story when she got caught skipping school and failing. Next came the baby. There was no rape.

Wondering if Op's DD might have gotten pregnant and then pressured into an abortion. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rape survivor here. I'm so sorry.
I'm glad she told you. Be there for her and listen. Hug her. Back off when she needs space.
And please suggest pressing charges. It needs to go on record. Don't push her, but keep it at the front of her mind.
Hugs to you, mama.

Rape survivor and one-time advocate here. I agree with this post. Don't push her to report it or report it yourself, but try to make sure she considers it as an option. Going thru reporting to police and all that comes with that can be more traumatic than the rape itself, but it might be the right decision for her.

As some PPs said, stay calm and open to her. Find a counselor for her that works with trauma survivors. Your local rape crisis center should have a list of people they can refer you to.

Take it one day at a time. Best to you both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Your daughter knew you would be mad about her failing so she made up this rape story, the attempted suicide, all of it. IF this were a true sexual assault, she would have told you the day it happened, the name of the boy. It happened at a friend's house ? Does the friend know ? Do the parents know an assault took place in their home ? If they don't, they need to know. Their home is a crime scene. Has this boy raped any other girls ? Is he in the habit of going to young girl homes and raping the ones he likes ? Why aren't you down at the PD station filing a report ? This needs to be reported. Was your daughter on birth control ? STDs ? Maybe this boy is on the prowl right now. You need to report him !

Kids are smart today. They know how to manipulate adults and where sympathy lies.

This is not the 60s anymore. Sexual assaults need to be reported. If she refuses, you will have your answer.

I'm thinking she failed because school was boring and she just wanted to have fun so she just pissed away a year. Now she's ashamed of failing so she told you this story for you to feel sorry for her.

My niece told this same story when she got caught skipping school and failing. Next came the baby. There was no rape.

You are a horrible person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Your daughter knew you would be mad about her failing so she made up this rape story, the attempted suicide, all of it. IF this were a true sexual assault, she would have told you the day it happened, the name of the boy. It happened at a friend's house ? Does the friend know ? Do the parents know an assault took place in their home ? If they don't, they need to know. Their home is a crime scene. Has this boy raped any other girls ? Is he in the habit of going to young girl homes and raping the ones he likes ? Why aren't you down at the PD station filing a report ? This needs to be reported. Was your daughter on birth control ? STDs ? Maybe this boy is on the prowl right now. You need to report him !

Kids are smart today. They know how to manipulate adults and where sympathy lies.

This is not the 60s anymore. Sexual assaults need to be reported. If she refuses, you will have your answer.

I'm thinking she failed because school was boring and she just wanted to have fun so she just pissed away a year. Now she's ashamed of failing so she told you this story for you to feel sorry for her.

My niece told this same story when she got caught skipping school and failing. Next came the baby. There was no rape.

You are a horrible person.

Am not your horrible person, but perhaps you believe the truth to sometimes be a horrible thing? Most teens are spinning lies to their parents and teachers, you know. Some lies are bigger than others. But a lie is a lie is a lie...