Not remarrying if spouse dies before me...anyone else?

[Anonymous]

Why in the world would I want another old guy to take care of? Right now I have my husband and my father. In various states of disrepair. No thanks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I'm certain I would never remarry. I love my husband dearly, but after the initial devastation, I would want to reclaim all the energy invested in my marriage and use it for myself.

they are all looking for a purse or a nurse

BS. I am fit and healthy and would never remarry if my wife died. In fact, I would not even pursue dating. Instead, would teach, take foreign language courses, hike, and travel.

My 80-year-old father declares absolutely no intention of ever marrying again (mom died a few years ago). Said he spent his whole life being told what to do, and is now going to do what HE wants.

(and this was a happy marriage! But my dad took care of a lot of his own needs, mom definitely didn't wait on him hand and foot, lol)

But I have a friend who says her mother used to say that if she died, her husband would be married before he got home from the cemetery.

[Anonymous]

The chances of a women over 60 finding a decent man is slim. There are financial considerations (lose SS). Then there is family. My kids would never tolerate that. I hope DH does not remarry if something happens to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One and done here. Not only would I never remarry, I wouldn't date, have bed fun, not even talk to another man unless it's about yard work or home repairs.

Yes. LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yep I'm done, too. Time for the awesome dog that DH is allergic to.

Was listening to a radio program a few months ago, where the host had been on a cruise ship and noticed that bands of (married) women will cruise without their spouses, but not men.

He had people call in to explain, and generally it sounded like that when women go on vacation with their spouses, they are still taking care of their spouses, and when they go with other women, they get to take care of their own needs only.

As an aside, generally speaking, the man left at home would play at his hobbies etc, but if a woman is left at home she cleans the house and gets through all the unfinished mail/little house projects. LOL

I don't think it's funny at all. Women voluntarily get entrenched in roles in the house, and any variation of that is out of the ordinary. Stop doing this, ladies! Do what YOU want, and your spouse will do what s/he wants. Go on vacation with friends, not the seemingly needy, helpless men you married and continue to coddle. Do something for you.

And if you don't, please stop complaining. It's YOUR decision.

This scenario isn't me at all! Can't relate. Wife here.

[Anonymous]

Not only would I remarry if my husband died but I've already picked out the man I would want to be with.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all of the posts here. But my DH's father died many years ago and my MIL never remarried (she was 50 at the time of his death). It has been over 20 years now since his death. DH and his siblings wish she had dated/remarried so that she would have a companion. she has plenty of friends but still spends significant amounts of time by herself. She is clearly lonely and it would be nice if she had a partner in her daily life.

[Anonymous]

More healthy to leave oneself open to possibilities.

[Anonymous]

No chance of remarriage for a few reasons -

1) I don't think I can love anyone else. DH is my one and only.
2) It will devastate my kids, and so it will devastate me.
3) My DH has a lot of insurance and savings to take care of me. I will not need to marry for financial reasons.
4) I have friends and family and will not be lonely.
5) I have hobbies and interests.

[Anonymous]

One and done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not only would I remarry if my husband died but I've already picked out the man I would want to be with.

I need to hear more about this. Dish, girl.

[Anonymous]

I would never remarry, or perhaps even date, while my kids were still at home. There isn't a man alive worth the bother of introducing teens/tweens to a new man in mom's life. (Nor would I ever get involved with anyone who had their own kids at home. I'm not interested in having anything to do with the rearing of other people's children.)

After my kids are out of the house, meh. I could go either way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not only would I remarry if my husband died but I've already picked out the man I would want to be with.

I need to hear more about this. Dish, girl.

Different PP. One of my close friends once told me (after a few drinks), that if anything ever happened to her, she thought her DH should marry me. It was a weird but she clearly meant it in a sweet, complimentary kind of way. Ever since she said that, I've thought about it now and then. She's actually right, I thnk, that he and I would be a decent match (though I am happily married and he appears to adore her). Luckily we don't socialize much as couples, so this is all very abstract, lol.

[Anonymous]

Having lost my husband to cancer exactly one year ago today, I can't imagine marrying again or even having a relationship with some other man. He was my first and only, and quite honestly the thought of someone else even touching me is repulsive. He was my bestbfriend and we supported each other in so many ways for 40 years.

As far as older men remarrying, many are looking for a "nurse or a purse"...someone to take care of them in their old age or someone with money.

Also, there are more older women alive than men, so men have a better chamce of finding someone new. Men statistically die sooner than women, so the male:female ratio is affected. Slim pickings for women.

Being alone isn't so great; I don't feel liberated by my husband's death. In fact, I feel more strapped to responsibilities because everything is MINE to figure out now, and I hate it. (And I am a professional with a good job and wasn't financially dependent upon him; this is all just very, very stressful). So, those of you in your 30s or 40s or 50s who might think you'll feel so free if your husband dies, won't know the horrid truth until it happens to you. Unless, of course, you're in a rotten marriage and don't believe in divorce, thus fndng a spouse's death your path to freedm.

Finally, I hate that word "widow" with its images of black, ugly, old spiders spinnng webs. Time to abandn that ancient label in favor of something like "surviving spouses".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No chance of remarriage for a few reasons -

1) I don't think I can love anyone else. DH is my one and only.
2) It will devastate my kids, and so it will devastate me.
3) My DH has a lot of insurance and savings to take care of me. I will not need to marry for financial reasons.
4) I have friends and family and will not be lonely.
5) I have hobbies and interests.

I do hope however that my DH gets married after I am gone. He is too loving a man to live alone. He is also very capable and can take care of his needs on his own, so he does not need a woman for that. However, he has a truly beautiful and loving soul. He should not be alone because that will be such a waste.

(Though I have told him many times that I will haunt him if he remarries...)