I want to quit my job (or get transferred) and move my family to London/Paris

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I currently work for a well regarded global PE firm in DC so finding a job in Europe isn't the issue. My wife currently stays at home and she would do that in Europe. I lived in London for 2 and a half years (forms 2 & 3) when my dad worked for a US bank there and I've been frequently so I'm pretty comfortable with the culture. While I've been to Paris before, it's been as a tourist so I acknowledge it would be a bit more of an adjustment. I just look at my life and living here and all I see is a rote existence and would love to expose our kids to something a bit different. The fact that she won't even engage in dialogue is the crux of my frustration.

If you move to London, you're still going to have to go to work everyday. How will this change your "rote existence," other than by changing the scenery? I'd start by looking for ways to make your life here more interesting and meaningful. Also, talk to your wife when you have a real offer or something very close to it, rather than just asking your wife to chuck her life here.

Try getting rid of your cars and moving to an apt in San Francisco to start. Maybe it will feel chic and urban and easy!

This. California is a far, far better existence than DC, the only reason to be in DC/NY is if you *have* to be for work. Do that, and you'll both be satisfied.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I currently work for a well regarded global PE firm in DC so finding a job in Europe isn't the issue. My wife currently stays at home and she would do that in Europe. I lived in London for 2 and a half years (forms 2 & 3) when my dad worked for a US bank there and I've been frequently so I'm pretty comfortable with the culture. While I've been to Paris before, it's been as a tourist so I acknowledge it would be a bit more of an adjustment. I just look at my life and living here and all I see is a rote existence and would love to expose our kids to something a bit different. The fact that she won't even engage in dialogue is the crux of my frustration.

You're comfortable with the culture. Great. How about DW? What's been her exposure. Even when you speak the same language, it's a huge transition. At this point your kids won't really appreciate the difference any how and being a SAH parent can be isolating without being in another country. How often does she see her family? How often would your kids be able to see their extended family?

Maybe she won't discuss it b/c you don't actually have a job offer. Work the numbers, e.g., cost of living. See if you can get an actual offer. Consider a marriage counselor to work through this issue if it's really a priority for you.

(Personally, if my significant other proposed this, I would have been very gung-ho, but everyone is different. What you are suggesting is a major life change even if she's a SAH parent.)

[Anonymous]

OP also hasn't lived in London as an adult, so he hasn't realized how classist things are there when you're not a student having a ball and you're trying to build an actual life. London women will be looking down their nose at OP's DW from the get-go because she's a SAHM, that's really looked down on over there (totally unfairly IMHO, but the reality is what it is when it comes to socializing). Meanwhile, OP will be treated better because presumably he'll be wearing the right suits and he's got the right job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP also hasn't lived in London as an adult, so he hasn't realized how classist things are there when you're not a student having a ball and you're trying to build an actual life. London women will be looking down their nose at OP's DW from the get-go because she's a SAHM, that's really looked down on over there (totally unfairly IMHO, but the reality is what it is when it comes to socializing). Meanwhile, OP will be treated better because presumably he'll be wearing the right suits and he's got the right job.

Not true at all. Many mothers in Paris and London work. Spouses of expats usually don't, and since they send their kids to the same international school, there will be your starter community right there. Plus there is are always mothers of a certain social standing who would never work anyway. OP's family just has to find these people.

Note about the UK, having lived there myself - the class system is alive and well over there, unlike Paris where it is reserved for an exceedingly tiny elite who mostly keep to themselves. In London it's everywhere. However, expat communities are usually very welcoming and appreciative of differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP also hasn't lived in London as an adult, so he hasn't realized how classist things are there when you're not a student having a ball and you're trying to build an actual life. London women will be looking down their nose at OP's DW from the get-go because she's a SAHM, that's really looked down on over there (totally unfairly IMHO, but the reality is what it is when it comes to socializing). Meanwhile, OP will be treated better because presumably he'll be wearing the right suits and he's got the right job.

Lady, enlighten us, when exactly did you live in London and in Paris?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP also hasn't lived in London as an adult, so he hasn't realized how classist things are there when you're not a student having a ball and you're trying to build an actual life. London women will be looking down their nose at OP's DW from the get-go because she's a SAHM, that's really looked down on over there (totally unfairly IMHO, but the reality is what it is when it comes to socializing). Meanwhile, OP will be treated better because presumably he'll be wearing the right suits and he's got the right job.

Lady, enlighten us, when exactly did you live in London and in Paris?

2009 to 2013, thanks for asking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP also hasn't lived in London as an adult, so he hasn't realized how classist things are there when you're not a student having a ball and you're trying to build an actual life. London women will be looking down their nose at OP's DW from the get-go because she's a SAHM, that's really looked down on over there (totally unfairly IMHO, but the reality is what it is when it comes to socializing). Meanwhile, OP will be treated better because presumably he'll be wearing the right suits and he's got the right job.

Lady, enlighten us, when exactly did you live in London and in Paris?

2009 to 2013, thanks for asking.

Excellent. Now tell us exactly where was the bubble you lived in, and why you believe OP's family may end up in the same place.

I know perhaps 50 couples living in London, and being SAHM is quite common.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm highly educated and would probably have no problem finding a job with a large American or European investment bank. I've always wanted to live somewhere else besides the the NY-DC corridor and at 35 with 2 kids (4 & 1) I finally am ready to say "F**k it, it's now or never." Hell even if for a few years and move back. I just spent 3 weeks during an EMEA tour for work and it's an experience everyone should have. Now here is the rub. My wife hates the idea. Will do a week in Spain for holiday or in Paris but she'll never live there. "I'm just an American gal" she says. If I don't do this, I will resent her for the rest of my life.

Have you ever been and expat? I did two years before I was married. It was a great experience for an unmarried guy. Its MUCH more complicated for a married one. A friend of mine too a "temporary" VP job in Japan 10 years ago... he is still there. There is not exit path back the states for him. His kids went to high school there and are now in the states in college. Makes going home for Christmas expensive. My company asked me to head to Korea a few years ago but it would have been massively difficult on the family (kids were all under 12). I decided it wasn't right. Part of the reason is because I could tell there would most likely be cultural issues with managing and being managed by people from China/Korea. You need to consider these things because statistically U.S. expats in London are more likely to fail due to cultural issues than the ones heading to Asia. Why? because they don't expect culture shock. They expect things to be easy because both countries speak English. The reality is there are significant cultural differences.

[Anonymous]

OP -- you're in PE, so you know exactly how finance is -- esp IB and PE. Do you honestly believe it'll be a better or easier life in London? London finance hours aren't better than NYC. So you'd still be slogging away at work and on top of that enduring a longer commute than what you have in DC (I'm willing to bet) to come home to a much smaller/older apartment than you're used to -- as I bet you have a pretty nice house in Bethesda or someplace -- and you'll find that your money doesn't go nearly as far in London as it does in DC or even NYC. Sure London seems charming at first -- but wouldn't it get really old really quick?

If you're honestly burnt out and just need a change, why not consider someplace in the U.S. where you could get a true lifestyle change? If you have great credentials and solid PE experience, what's stopping you from exploring the lesser known PE shops that pop up around the country? Getting in with the only PE shop in Malibu or Scottsdale or Portland will do more for your day to day quality of life than going to London to live the same -- but harder -- existence that you have now. Is your DW totally averse to leaving DC/her family? Or would she consider a move to another city but just not another country?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm highly educated and would probably have no problem finding a job with a large American or European investment bank. I've always wanted to live somewhere else besides the the NY-DC corridor and at 35 with 2 kids (4 & 1) I finally am ready to say "F**k it, it's now or never." Hell even if for a few years and move back. I just spent 3 weeks during an EMEA tour for work and it's an experience everyone should have. Now here is the rub. My wife hates the idea. Will do a week in Spain for holiday or in Paris but she'll never live there. "I'm just an American gal" she says. If I don't do this, I will resent her for the rest of my life.

Never heard a 30 something say 'gal'. That is usually what 50 somethings could say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm highly educated and would probably have no problem finding a job with a large American or European investment bank. I've always wanted to live somewhere else besides the the NY-DC corridor and at 35 with 2 kids (4 & 1) I finally am ready to say "F**k it, it's now or never." Hell even if for a few years and move back. I just spent 3 weeks during an EMEA tour for work and it's an experience everyone should have. Now here is the rub. My wife hates the idea. Will do a week in Spain for holiday or in Paris but she'll never live there. "I'm just an American gal" she says. If I don't do this, I will resent her for the rest of my life.

Sounds and smells like a troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm highly educated and would probably have no problem finding a job with a large American or European investment bank. I've always wanted to live somewhere else besides the the NY-DC corridor and at 35 with 2 kids (4 & 1) I finally am ready to say "F**k it, it's now or never." Hell even if for a few years and move back. I just spent 3 weeks during an EMEA tour for work and it's an experience everyone should have. Now here is the rub. My wife hates the idea. Will do a week in Spain for holiday or in Paris but she'll never live there. "I'm just an American gal" she says. If I don't do this, I will resent her for the rest of my life.

Sounds and smells like a troll

v

Ditto. Sounds like a very selfish and painfully immature troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP also hasn't lived in London as an adult, so he hasn't realized how classist things are there when you're not a student having a ball and you're trying to build an actual life. London women will be looking down their nose at OP's DW from the get-go because she's a SAHM, that's really looked down on over there (totally unfairly IMHO, but the reality is what it is when it comes to socializing). Meanwhile, OP will be treated better because presumably he'll be wearing the right suits and he's got the right job.

That's not true at all. I live in London currently, my kids are in a very good private (lots of old money), there are LOTS of mothers who SAH, and noone looks down on them because of it.

[Anonymous]

Take her to London on a long vacation and see how she likes it. London is one of few international cities I would move to, it helps that there is no language barrier. I'm not sure if I would want to move with a 1 year old though - life is quite a hassle when they are that age and creating new routines, moving and traveling would be quite an adjustment.

[Anonymous]

Move to the west coast