I want to quit my job (or get transferred) and move my family to London/Paris

[Anonymous]

I'm highly educated and would probably have no problem finding a job with a large American or European investment bank. I've always wanted to live somewhere else besides the the NY-DC corridor and at 35 with 2 kids (4 & 1) I finally am ready to say "F**k it, it's now or never." Hell even if for a few years and move back. I just spent 3 weeks during an EMEA tour for work and it's an experience everyone should have. Now here is the rub. My wife hates the idea. Will do a week in Spain for holiday or in Paris but she'll never live there. "I'm just an American gal" she says. If I don't do this, I will resent her for the rest of my life.

[Anonymous]

You sound selfish. If she doesn't want to, you need to just drop it. If you've "always" wanted to do this, then you should have remained a bachelor or found a woman who was on board with your plans.

[Anonymous]

OMG! DH is that you? Just do it! I say I am an American girl but would follow you to the ends of the earth. Let's go!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm highly educated and would probably have no problem finding a job with a large American or European investment bank. I've always wanted to live somewhere else besides the the NY-DC corridor and at 35 with 2 kids (4 & 1) I finally am ready to say "F**k it, it's now or never." Hell even if for a few years and move back. I just spent 3 weeks during an EMEA tour for work and it's an experience everyone should have. Now here is the rub. My wife hates the idea. Will do a week in Spain for holiday or in Paris but she'll never live there. "I'm just an American gal" she says. If I don't do this, I will resent her for the rest of my life.

Go for it! Tell your wife she will find plenty of expats there and this is a once in a lifetime opportunity for all of you. My husband and I lived in London for two years (pre kids) and it was amazing! We talk about retiring in Italy or Greece.

Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

Sounds wonderful to me!

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a divorce about to happen because life is all about YOU Mr. Highly Educated.

[Anonymous]

What languages do all the members of your nuclear family speak?

[Anonymous]

So, what does your wife do while you're working in London or Paris, working investment bank hours? Does she work? Does she have any friends or connections in these cities? Will she be lonely/isolated? Does she speak French?

If you move for just a few years, you're doing two major uproots on your family--one when they move away from all their friends and extended family and another when you move back.

If you move permanently, what are the implications for your wife and kids? Citizenship? Education? Ability to work?

Have you ever lived abroad, or just spent time abroad for vacations and work?

Why does your wife hate the idea?

[Anonymous]

Just tell her it's for a year. She'll like it so much she won't want to come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What languages do all the members of your nuclear family speak?

What a great way to learn some new ones!

[Anonymous]

What about your extended families?

You will resent her if you stay. She will resent you if you move. Maybe you two should lawyer up.

[Anonymous]

I too am highly educated (BA Harvard, PHD economics, top ten school). I wouldn't be that confident of my own ability to get a job in London/Paris. Specific experience will matter more than education. Companies usually send people abroad to manage/set up a project that they have already set up/managed in the US.

A couple of things to ask:

What will your wife do? Is her career portable? Will she be stuck at home with two small kids, with no social support network? It is difficult to make friends in Europe. people live within 100 miles of where they grew up and went to school, so their social networks are established.

London is expensive. A 2 BR apartment in a decent neighborhood with a reasonable commute is $2500-3000 per month. They have school choice there, and if you aren't resident to enter the lottery the March before school starts, your kid ends up in a school 10 miles from home. Your other option would be private schools, which are a bit less than school in the US, so figure 20K per year per kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, what does your wife do while you're working in London or Paris, working investment bank hours? Does she work? Does she have any friends or connections in these cities? Will she be lonely/isolated? Does she speak French?

If you move for just a few years, you're doing two major uproots on your family--one when they move away from all their friends and extended family and another when you move back.

If you move permanently, what are the implications for your wife and kids? Citizenship? Education? Ability to work?

Have you ever lived abroad, or just spent time abroad for vacations and work?

Why does your wife hate the idea?

Once you get married, life isn't all about you and your "dreams." You need to grow up and get your priorities straight.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, highly educated dual citizen here...you speak fluent French (I mean really fluent, not I took French in college)? France especially is not an easy place for people who don't have EU passports. Also, what will your DW do, getting a work visa there for a spouse is hard too? Finally, you going to put kids in French public schools. American School in Paris is more than 20k per kid per year.

[Anonymous]

You should wait until your next life and do it. Oh, wait, she's unilaterally vetoing (for pretty vague reasons) you doing something pretty extraordinary with the only life you get. But, hey, you're the selfish one.