I want to quit my job (or get transferred) and move my family to London/Paris

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an American woman who has been married to a Frenchman for 20 years and lived both there and here, I laugh my head off at OP.

Because having a desire in life, setting the goal and going for it is so laughable, right?

Exactly. Speaking about which, I am considering becoming an astronaut next month (I am very fit, and highly educated), but my DH sounds skeptical. He says it is yet another excuse not to have sex.

Tips, anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As an American woman who has been married to a Frenchman for 20 years and lived both there and here, I laugh my head off at OP.

Because having a desire in life, setting the goal and going for it is so laughable, right?

Exactly. Speaking about which, I am considering becoming an astronaut next month (I am very fit, and highly educated), but my DH sounds skeptical. He says it is yet another excuse not to have sex.

Tips, anyone?

Go for it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barbara_Morgan

[Anonymous]

I have a feeling if this was a DW asking for advice about how to bring her DH around to an idea it would have gotten better advice and more positive responses.

[Anonymous]

What do you do? I was an expat in London for 7 years. Most of the Americans I knew in London (and there are a lot of them) work in finance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound selfish. If she doesn't want to, you need to just drop it. If you've "always" wanted to do this, then you should have remained a bachelor or found a woman who was on board with your plans.

Why is he the selfish one and she's not?? Seems to be like a good compromise is for both parties to agree to move for a few years and then come back.

[Anonymous]

Are you already in finance and do you have leads on IB jobs in London or Paris? Do you have an idea of how much money you'd make at said jobs? Do you know what your lifestyle would look at with that type of salary -- how big of an apartment with what amenities, where, how much of a commute, what would you do about the kids' school -- esp about the 4 yr old who'll be in kindergarten soon, could you afford private? People in DC can't stop complaining about how expensive everything is and how terrible the commute is -- if you're one of those people, do you realize how much "worse" life is in London even on a banking salary?

Does your wife work? Does she want to continue to work? Would she be able to do that in London or Paris -- would she be able to get a job and the right visas and would you all be able to afford childcare? Or is she going to have to give something up professionally to support your dreams of London or Paris?

Have you looked into these specifics and talked them through with her? Or do you just say -- I want to go to London or Paris -- and she says no bc she has no idea what you're thinking and why you think it would work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would totally go for this if I were your wife but here is the rub. You probably work a lot and she deals with everything on the home front right? Like she will be the one grocery shopping, and setting up the phone and cable, and waiting for repairmen? And doing the laundry in crappy European washers? I loved living in Europe but honestly in many ways the standard of living is much lower and it will impact her more since that will be more her problem. Customer service is awful, appliances suck etc. so if she isn't into it, you maybe shouldn't push it.

And don't forget the crap internet service in Europe. It is soooo slow like the freaking dark ages. In Italy right now on vacation. If I had a choice, I'll move to Asia, Shanghai, Tokyo, Seoul, etc.

Italy is an outlier. In most European countries internet speed is comparable; in many it is faster:

[Anonymous]

http://www.netindex.com/download/allcountries/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I too am highly educated (BA Harvard, PHD economics, top ten school). I wouldn't be that confident of my own ability to get a job in London/Paris. Specific experience will matter more than education. Companies usually send people abroad to manage/set up a project that they have already set up/managed in the US.

A couple of things to ask:

What will your wife do? Is her career portable? Will she be stuck at home with two small kids, with no social support network? It is difficult to make friends in Europe. people live within 100 miles of where they grew up and went to school, so their social networks are established.

London is expensive. A 2 BR apartment in a decent neighborhood with a reasonable commute is $2500-3000 per month. They have school choice there, and if you aren't resident to enter the lottery the March before school starts, your kid ends up in a school 10 miles from home. Your other option would be private schools, which are a bit less than school in the US, so figure 20K per year per kid.

Stop with your road blocks. OP present the idea to your wife and tell her it is something you'd like to experience at the stage in your career and you would like to do it as a family. I've done this several times with my DH. After about 15 years i've finally put a stop to all the international moving because it is the best choices for our teenagers. Your kids age makes it an ideal time to do this, the middle school years not so good. Yes, it is hard to make friends in Europe, but most expat make friends with other expats. If your wife won't take the challenge to grow as a person then you will indeed may end up resenting her. My DH can't hold that over my head because I've given every opportunity he needed to explore his career options.

You are within reason to ask your wife to do this if you're willing to absorb the financial consequences to her career, my DH is the main provide as a result of our choices and his okay with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should wait until your next life and do it. Oh, wait, she's unilaterally vetoing (for pretty vague reasons) you doing something pretty extraordinary with the only life you get. But, hey, you're the selfish one.

+1

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like a divorce about to happen because life is all about YOU Mr. Highly Educated.

+1. You're not considering DW in this at all. You're asking something huge of her and she's telling you she doesn't want to do it.

[Anonymous]

I grew up as an ex pat kid in Europe and Asia and loved it. I would love to live abroad while my DCs are small as well. But doing a move like this is a huge pain in the ass, and the "dependent spouse" always bears the brunt of all the changes. In other words, my DH has a veto on this and your wife does too. Unless you have a very clear, workable plan (and a job) and are personally willing to figure out (and execute!) the hugely tedious logistics, I don't think this is a fair ask. (If you truly do meet these conditions, then that may be a different situation).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:http://www.netindex.com/download/allcountries/

thanks for that link! I just spent a half hour down that rabbit hole!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm highly educated and would probably have no problem finding a job with a large American or European investment bank. I've always wanted to live somewhere else besides the the NY-DC corridor and at 35 with 2 kids (4 & 1) I finally am ready to say "F**k it, it's now or never." Hell even if for a few years and move back. I just spent 3 weeks during an EMEA tour for work and it's an experience everyone should have. Now here is the rub. My wife hates the idea. Will do a week in Spain for holiday or in Paris but she'll never live there. "I'm just an American gal" she says. If I don't do this, I will resent her for the rest of my life.

OK, I get London to a point. But Paris? Such a dump. A week of touristy stuff is all you will ever need

[Anonymous]

Have you talked to your wife about what her specific concerns are? Have you done some research to figure out how to address them? From what you've posted so far, it sounds more like this was a flippant conversation ("Hey, wouldn't it be cool if I quit my job and we moved to London or Paris?" "Yeah, no thanks, I'm happy here") rather than a serious discussion of the merits and logistics of the idea, and now you're pouting that she rained on your parade.