What do men think of women who have ONS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, did everyone miss the part where OP clarified that she specifically wants a white dude? Why are we bothering to help a racist?

OP here. I am not at all racist. I have my personal type and preference. I will not be shamed for only being attracted to white men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, did everyone miss the part where OP clarified that she specifically wants a white dude? Why are we bothering to help a racist?

Are you serious? How warped is your mind that she's not allowed to have preferences in who she dates? Stop throwing around "racist" with recklessness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op speaking. I've decided against a ONS. I'm not seeking a relationship but I think a ONS is just too risky. I'm worried about stds and other important stuff. I think the most ideal is a friends with benefits situation. Someone to show me around DC and have sex. I definitely want to experiment sexually but the safest route would be a summer thing.

Had ONS (or more casual relationships) and 'friends with benefits'... (ok, big slut... was just single a long time) ... now married to man who knows I had a life before him but doesnt care about the details. I found FWB often to be the worst b/c at some point you are pseudo-dating & end up basically being treated poorly (if you're counting on 'friend' to show you around - or 'summer thing' you talk about is actually pseudo-dating). Most guys are not rapists. Unfortunately, most of them are not particularly good in bed either. The only (minor) STD I got in my life was from an actual relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks. I definitely plan on being safe. What is the way to pick up attractive 20 - 30 something's in DC? Bars, a site..? I'm more into a casual fling that a ONS.

I had a friend who had sort of a fling with a guy who turned out to be married. That's what I'm trying to avoid. I guess I just want a normal guy who can get rough and kinky and good in bed.

Bars are perfect for ONS selections. Preferably a bar where there is dancing (I find DC doesnt have that many cool clubs, at least compared to other major cities, so bars with a dance floor have been my best bet), so you can get some kind of idea of how they will move in the bedroom.

Honestly, when it comes to a good ONS, the most important thing is purely physical.

From how you've described youreself, you can probably go up to the hottest, most ripped dude in there and take him home. Do it! I've done it before. It's FUN and super hot when you're hooking up with a dude who's physically an Adonis.

The great thing about a ONS is it doesnt matter if theyre dumb as a box of rocks. I had an ongoing ONS who was a doppelganger for Chris Evans, but way more ripped. He was a complete idiot, kind of trailer park-y. Found out after a couple hookups he had a kid. But did I ever have to deal with or meet the child? Nope. I would get what I came for and literally say, "sorry, I have an early morning meeting, do you mind heading home?" or "hey, i gotta go, my roommate just texted me." And he was GREAT in bed.

Just find someone you're sexually compatible with.

Most important thing is safety. At the bar, you want to talk a littl ebit, enough to get a vibe for who he is. preferably go out and meet guys with a like minded friend, and make a point to tell the friend you're going home with him when you leave. Get his address and text someone it beforehand, or tell someone he's coming over. Use your female intuition with whether he's a good guy or not.

Once those bases are covered, HAVE FUN! Nothing like having a really hot dude give you great sex with no expectation of having to make conversation with him, pretend to like football with him, have to deal with jealous texts from him, not be able to talk to other guys, etc. It's a great option.

You sound really fun. Still single?

[Anonymous]

when a man asks for your past partner number, just always say '3' problem solved.
Sow some wild oats - but if you are as uber-sensitive as you sound, be prepared for hurt feelings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op speaking. I've decided against a ONS. I'm not seeking a relationship but I think a ONS is just too risky. I'm worried about stds and other important stuff. I think the most ideal is a friends with benefits situation. Someone to show me around DC and have sex. I definitely want to experiment sexually but the safest route would be a summer thing.

Totally up to you. I will say, there's just as much of a risk for an STD with a ONS as an ongoing FWB, you never have an assurance of a clean bill of health unless you insist on your partner getting tested first (which i have done and my friends have done- generally men are willing to accommodate if it means getting laid). Which is why condoms are really important.

But of course, do whatever you feel comfortable with. For me, a ONS turned into a FWB. He wanted to hang out more, and was amenable to sex, and that was all I wanted from him. Again, I think using your intuition is the best thing to do, asking probing questions, etc.

I have never ever had a problem with a ONS gone bad (and I have had many) and conversely I have been on the third date with a guy (no sex) and he tried to hold me down to make out with me. Anyone can pretend to be normal for a little while, so you, unfortunately, are always going to face some element of risk.

Most important thing, though, is YOU doing what you feel comfortable with. Not for a man, not worrying about what anyone else thinks- do what YOU want and you are entitled to have WHATEVER boundaries you want.

By definition, a one night stand cannot give you a "clean bill of health" unless he carries it around with him. That's why non-trashy women get to know a man before opening their legs for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when a man asks for your past partner number, just always say '3' problem solved.
Sow some wild oats - but if you are as uber-sensitive as you sound, be prepared for hurt feelings.

Women don't have wild oats. Men have wild oats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op speaking. I've decided against a ONS. I'm not seeking a relationship but I think a ONS is just too risky. I'm worried about stds and other important stuff. I think the most ideal is a friends with benefits situation. Someone to show me around DC and have sex. I definitely want to experiment sexually but the safest route would be a summer thing.

Had ONS (or more casual relationships) and 'friends with benefits'... (ok, big slut... was just single a long time) ... now married to man who knows I had a life before him but doesnt care about the details. I found FWB often to be the worst b/c at some point you are pseudo-dating & end up basically being treated poorly (if you're counting on 'friend' to show you around - or 'summer thing' you talk about is actually pseudo-dating). Most guys are not rapists. Unfortunately, most of them are not particularly good in bed either. The only (minor) STD I got in my life was from an actual relationship.

Exactly. FWB can get tricky emotionally, because I think generally there's this expectation put out there about "well women want to be in relationships and men don't" so when you're sleeping with someone repeatedly, even if you don't want it to turn into more, you start feeling kind of weird about it because all that pressure has been put on you.

ONS can also be tricky though. I think the most important thing is finding a dude that is going to treat you well and be respectful- at the FIRST sign of pushiness, you cut and run, that is my cardinal rule. And that's basically in the getting to know you phase- you can kind of get a feel for how a guy acts.


Anyway, there's risk present in both but I do think a good FWB relationship, with someone who is great in bed (as you said, that is unfortunately very rare to find in a guy) is a good way to get your feet wet

[Anonymous]

Btw OP, my two best friends have both slept with over 50 guys. I am rather prudish in comparison and my number is 14. But I will say that neither of them have bad reputations and both of them have serious long term relationships, as well as really positive, fulfilling sexual flings.

So basically, don't worry about a number. If someone is rude enough to ask for your number and you feel he will overreact, you can always say "4" or whatever number you feel comfortable with. Anyone who would judge you on that does not deserve complete transparency anyway. It's no ones business but your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Btw OP, my two best friends have both slept with over 50 guys. I am rather prudish in comparison and my number is 14. But I will say that neither of them have bad reputations and both of them have serious long term relationships, as well as really positive, fulfilling sexual flings.

So basically, don't worry about a number. If someone is rude enough to ask for your number and you feel he will overreact, you can always say "4" or whatever number you feel comfortable with. Anyone who would judge you on that does not deserve complete transparency anyway. It's no ones business but your own.

50?? How disgusting, in a man or woman. Talk about no self-respect. I'm sure her husband will be proud to be #63.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:when a man asks for your past partner number, just always say '3' problem solved.
Sow some wild oats - but if you are as uber-sensitive as you sound, be prepared for hurt feelings.

see it's not just number of.partners. promiscuous women have all kinds of issues such as.dishonesty, presenting themself falslely, it's because they're ashamed of themselves

[Anonymous]

OP here. I think steering clear of ONS is good for me. I really don't think I could sleep with a stranger. The cons far outweigh any pros. I have a high level of respect and while K realize my sex life is my business, I am not a liar. I couldn't knowingly lie to a man I am dating seriously or end up marrying. Starting a relationship based on a lie will only crate further problems. I wouldn't want to be ashamed by actions in the future either.

I may have a summer fling, I may not. All I know is that I will be very selective of whom I choose to have sex with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think steering clear of ONS is good for me. I really don't think I could sleep with a stranger. The cons far outweigh any pros. I have a high level of respect and while K realize my sex life is my business, I am not a liar. I couldn't knowingly lie to a man I am dating seriously or end up marrying. Starting a relationship based on a lie will only crate further problems. I wouldn't want to be ashamed by actions in the future either.

I may have a summer fling, I may not. All I know is that I will be very selective of whom I choose to have sex with.

OP, I think you're handling this very well. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

One night stands usually are terrible. Just date around. Only one person at a time of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:ONS = slut

And yes, you SHOULD be ashamed!

I realize I am not representation of the entire population, but I am 33 and every single one of my friends has had some form of a ONS in our 20's. We are all now married and in committed relationships. I think its perfectly normal to explore before you are settled and married.