Kissed someone, not my DH

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So were you drunk when you were putting on the lipstick and heels?

You wanted something to happen and a few drinks would help. Be a grown-up and accept responsibility for your actions. You think this is funny???

Grow up.

I notice a trend among this thread, and the ones about the woman whining about BF not proposing and the "when someone is too nice:" Women simply don't want to be held responsible for their actions.

[Anonymous]

A common thread is that there is a strong tendency for women to try to maintain plausible deniability about their sexuality. It's not entirely their fault, however; given negativity women often face if they are open about their sexuality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A common thread is that there is a strong tendency for women to try to maintain plausible deniability about their sexuality. It's not entirely their fault, however; given negativity women often face if they are open about their sexuality.

Huh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A common thread is that there is a strong tendency for women to try to maintain plausible deniability about their sexuality. It's not entirely their fault, however; given negativity women often face if they are open about their sexuality.

Huh?

Women don't initiate sex as often. Instead they are more likely to hint in a way that they could deny if the guy didn't want to have sex with them or if they changed their mind later. Women going out to clubs dress up provocatively enough to get noticed by people they find sexually attractive but try to avoid going so far as to be accused of being slutty. Notice OP's story where "it just happened." She can deny responsibility for how the situation developed.

[Anonymous]

At least she kept her thong on.

I had a similar experience to the OP and woke up the next day missing my thong. COuld not remember where it was or why it wasn't on me.

[Anonymous]

OP here again. With a few days perspective, I don't feel bad, for the record. I mean, I feel bad in the sense that holy shit I need to check myself, but it was a fairly innocent face smack for myself to handle a few things that have been weighing on me. And for that, I am grateful. Part of it you all touched on--I have been w DH for a long time and sometimes, rarely, but sometimes the "what ifs" are there. I have also had a lot on my plate w some family stuff (illnesses) and just turning 30 which has left me contemplative and that paired with seeing an old friend from when I was 22 who is still pretty crazy and drinks too much and makes eyes at men at bars (she's single, go to town, friend). The whole thing was a recipe for just like--randomly leaning over and planting one on some guy! I mean even he was shocked.

Really my take away, after looking at it all, is not so much about my husband bc my god do I love that man. But it's my drinking. I am going to spend some more time reflecting on that aspect of it and how I am 30 and should not be getting carried away, even when it's fun in the midst of "adulting".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A common thread is that there is a strong tendency for women to try to maintain plausible deniability about their sexuality. It's not entirely their fault, however; given negativity women often face if they are open about their sexuality.

Huh?

Women don't initiate sex as often. Instead they are more likely to hint in a way that they could deny if the guy didn't want to have sex with them or if they changed their mind later. Women going out to clubs dress up provocatively enough to get noticed by people they find sexually attractive but try to avoid going so far as to be accused of being slutty. Notice OP's story where "it just happened." She can deny responsibility for how the situation developed.

Yep. It's the truth, which is not well accepted here.

[Anonymous]

ok OP here again--rereading what I wrote--when I say getting carried away, I mean generally I shouldn't be getting drunk like that or letting myself get hit on. The kissing part if obviously the worst part, but I mean all of it.

[Anonymous]

That's a pretty good perspective, OP. (FWIW, I'm one of the PPs who takes a pretty hard stance against things "just happening".)

Missing the buzz of random hook ups is only human. So there is no shame in feeling that way. The problem comes from letting that impulse turn into action (and, yes, getting dolled up and drunk and hanging out with a friend with fewer responsibilities all count as action.) Sounds like you understand that the benefits of honoring long term responsibilities outweigh the benefits of indulging in short term fun.

In the scheme of things, sounds like there was very little harm done.

[Anonymous]

When's the last time you went all out with the lipstick and heels and such for your husband? I will hazard a guess and say it's been a while. Following that logic, you dolled up *without* him in the hopes of doing something (even if not sex) and you did. Seems we know what we need to know. Want a cookie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. With a few days perspective, I don't feel bad, for the record. I mean, I feel bad in the sense that holy shit I need to check myself, but it was a fairly innocent face smack for myself to handle a few things that have been weighing on me. And for that, I am grateful. Part of it you all touched on--I have been w DH for a long time and sometimes, rarely, but sometimes the "what ifs" are there. I have also had a lot on my plate w some family stuff (illnesses) and just turning 30 which has left me contemplative and that paired with seeing an old friend from when I was 22 who is still pretty crazy and drinks too much and makes eyes at men at bars (she's single, go to town, friend). The whole thing was a recipe for just like--randomly leaning over and planting one on some guy! I mean even he was shocked.

Really my take away, after looking at it all, is not so much about my husband bc my god do I love that man. But it's my drinking. I am going to spend some more time reflecting on that aspect of it and how I am 30 and should not be getting carried away, even when it's fun in the midst of "adulting".

I get it OP, but please don't think now that you are 30 you have to act like one glass of white wine is a crazy night and your single unmarried friends are lonely and not actualized. All of that really isn't necessary.

[Anonymous]

30 is pretty young in a marriage to be feeling like you do. I would have guessed this was the actions of a 40 yo woman.

[Anonymous]

We all go through it OP, whatever "it" is. Be kind to yourself. These things can ebb and flow and I think your perspective is fair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here again. With a few days perspective, I don't feel bad, for the record. I mean, I feel bad in the sense that holy shit I need to check myself, but it was a fairly innocent face smack for myself to handle a few things that have been weighing on me. And for that, I am grateful. Part of it you all touched on--I have been w DH for a long time and sometimes, rarely, but sometimes the "what ifs" are there. I have also had a lot on my plate w some family stuff (illnesses) and just turning 30 which has left me contemplative and that paired with seeing an old friend from when I was 22 who is still pretty crazy and drinks too much and makes eyes at men at bars (she's single, go to town, friend). The whole thing was a recipe for just like--randomly leaning over and planting one on some guy! I mean even he was shocked.

Really my take away, after looking at it all, is not so much about my husband bc my god do I love that man. But it's my drinking. I am going to spend some more time reflecting on that aspect of it and how I am 30 and should not be getting carried away, even when it's fun in the midst of "adulting".

Wow, women really over-think things. You found another man attractive and gave into temptation in the most modest way imaginable. I wouldn't care if my DW did this, but I would be sort of pissed if she felt the need to tell me. Just bring the fantasy of this strange man into bed and rock your DH's world.

[Anonymous]

OP - this is probably going to sound stupid, but I am going to ask it anyway. Did you have your ring on? I am a guy, and that is the first thing I look for in a situation that I may hit on someone. Maybe, I am in the minority, but I wanted to at least ask the question. You said a guy was hitting on you, so....