Women - how do you deal with a female supervisor who is jealous of/intimidated by you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, forget EVERYTHING that you've heard on this blog. If you have an insecure boss, find another job. All of the talking, befriending bullshit will not get you far. Insecure/jealous women are the death nell.

I've had 14 jobs since college. I head an agency now. So glad I made all of those moves. I learned a long time ago - if your supervisor has it in for you, she will win. Move on. You'll find a better job.

Boom. This 100%.

Sadly, many of us have experienced a boss like OP's. Get out if you can. Alternatively, keep you head down, build your network, do a great job and wait patiently for her to fall on her face. This type of person often falls in a spectacular fashion because, well, karma.

Good luck.

Exactly! I have been there and should have gotten out earlier. You need to look for a new job if you don't have a good dynamic there. It will only get worse. The gossiping with coworkers is a bad sign, that indicates to me that it is spiraling and you are giving off negativity that is leading to a increasingly bad outcome for you .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, forget EVERYTHING that you've heard on this blog. If you have an insecure boss, find another job. All of the talking, befriending bullshit will not get you far. Insecure/jealous women are the death nell.

I've had 14 jobs since college. I head an agency now. So glad I made all of those moves. I learned a long time ago - if your supervisor has it in for you, she will win. Move on. You'll find a better job.

Boom. This 100%.

Sadly, many of us have experienced a boss like OP's. Get out if you can. Alternatively, keep you head down, build your network, do a great job and wait patiently for her to fall on her face. This type of person often falls in a spectacular fashion because, well, karma.

Good luck.

Exactly! I have been there and should have gotten out earlier. You need to look for a new job if you don't have a good dynamic there. It will only get worse. The gossiping with coworkers is a bad sign, that indicates to me that it is spiraling and you are giving off negativity that is leading to a increasingly bad outcome for you .

Didn't read of this this threat -- just came to post exactly this.

Move. On.

You will not win. She will not change.

It's not even about *you* -- the poor sap who replaces you will get the same treatment. And she'll be female, too. These types always hire targets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am willing to bet that this is not about your supervisor being jealous or intimidated by you. (Which, incidentally, is the standard response most of us give to our friends when another woman doesn't like her -- "Oh, she's just jealous of you!" -- so I'd take what your co-workers say with a grain of salt). Your supervisor might find you annoying or lacking in your abilities/work ethic/etc. If you are giving suggestions and input constantly, I'd find that annoying, too, if I were her. Your constant input might be perceived as you trying to outsmart her or undermine her authority. You might think you're a great worker and a "go-getter" but maybe you come across as being over-eager and full of yourself. So take a step back to take an honest look at yourself to see if any of this might be true. In the meantime, try laying low for a while to see if her behavior towards you changes.

Is this really true? People have also said this to me about my boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am willing to bet that this is not about your supervisor being jealous or intimidated by you. (Which, incidentally, is the standard response most of us give to our friends when another woman doesn't like her -- "Oh, she's just jealous of you!" -- so I'd take what your co-workers say with a grain of salt). Your supervisor might find you annoying or lacking in your abilities/work ethic/etc. If you are giving suggestions and input constantly, I'd find that annoying, too, if I were her. Your constant input might be perceived as you trying to outsmart her or undermine her authority. You might think you're a great worker and a "go-getter" but maybe you come across as being over-eager and full of yourself. So take a step back to take an honest look at yourself to see if any of this might be true. In the meantime, try laying low for a while to see if her behavior towards you changes.

Is this really true? People have also said this to me about my boss.

Quotting myself - actually, it's not that people say she is jealous, they say "threatened because you are better at XYZ than her," Same thing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This happened to me SO much in my early non-profit jobs. I was a pretty, nice and smart employee and at one famous DC organization, my boss literally would put me down and scream at me in my office. I still have PTSD from that experience. I could not figure out why I was mistreated and it took me years of therapy to come to the conclusion that she may have been threatened or jealous of me.

I have also had female colleagues backstab and bully me and exclude me.

Its very hard when you feel like you have no reason to be treated this way but you never know what about you triggers peoples jealousy.

My only advice is to LEAVE NOW. DO not expose yourself to more abuse.

My career is destroyed due to people who emotionally abused me.

So sorry. What were the boss' initials? DA?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a female supervisor who will take any opportunity to shoot down my suggestions or contributions. She is so consistent with this and so often directs this behavior at me that it seems obvious to me and others we work with that she has some sort of issue with me.

I will make a comment or suggestion in a meeting, something very logical and not directed at her whatsoever, literally everyone else in the meeting will concur with said comment, and she will find some non-reason to shut me down. I feel like my opinions are absolutely unvalued and since everyone else agrees that I am very competent at my job, I feel this behavior is personal on some level. Unfortunately this woman really throws her weight around and nobody stands up to her. I work hard, I care about my job and I consistently step up, and yet still she shuts me down constantly. I have learned to filter certain ideas through other people to whom she is more receptive. Others close to me have said that she is intimidated by me/jealous of me, because I am young, intelligent, fairly attractive, and happily married to a great guy, and she is older, divorced a few times and not so attractive. I don't really care what the reason is, frankly, because it doesn't change anything ... but has anyone else dealt with this in the workplace? What did you do?

This is textbook sexual harassment. Document and report to HR.

Sound to me like the "younger, intelligent, fairly attractive and happily married to a great guy" poster is discriminating against the "older, divorced a few times and not so attractive" woman. Reflect a bit on your biases, snowflake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am willing to bet that this is not about your supervisor being jealous or intimidated by you. (Which, incidentally, is the standard response most of us give to our friends when another woman doesn't like her -- "Oh, she's just jealous of you!" -- so I'd take what your co-workers say with a grain of salt). Your supervisor might find you annoying or lacking in your abilities/work ethic/etc. If you are giving suggestions and input constantly, I'd find that annoying, too, if I were her. Your constant input might be perceived as you trying to outsmart her or undermine her authority. You might think you're a great worker and a "go-getter" but maybe you come across as being over-eager and full of yourself. So take a step back to take an honest look at yourself to see if any of this might be true. In the meantime, try laying low for a while to see if her behavior towards you changes.

Is this really true? People have also said this to me about my boss.

My boss probably makes 2 times as much as I do at the bare minimal. Not sure where the jealous theory comes from...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've encountered this a lot, and my only advice is: leave DC. It's toxic.

It’s really cute that you think this doesn’t happen in other places. I haven’t seen this level of naïveté since I left my podunk hometown in the Midwest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am willing to bet that this is not about your supervisor being jealous or intimidated by you. (Which, incidentally, is the standard response most of us give to our friends when another woman doesn't like her -- "Oh, she's just jealous of you!" -- so I'd take what your co-workers say with a grain of salt). Your supervisor might find you annoying or lacking in your abilities/work ethic/etc. If you are giving suggestions and input constantly, I'd find that annoying, too, if I were her. Your constant input might be perceived as you trying to outsmart her or undermine her authority. You might think you're a great worker and a "go-getter" but maybe you come across as being over-eager and full of yourself. So take a step back to take an honest look at yourself to see if any of this might be true. In the meantime, try laying low for a while to see if her behavior towards you changes.

Is this really true? People have also said this to me about my boss.

My boss probably makes 2 times as much as I do at the bare minimal. Not sure where the jealous theory comes from...

You guys need to read the bolded. “She’s jealous” is the standard response when someone (anyone!) doesn’t like a woman. People are telling you there’s a good reason she’s not actually jealous. Maybe she gets annoyed because your vocal fry is grating or you chew gum and it’s annoying. Or maybe you end up talking over other people. Or a thousand other things big and small. The jealous reason is just something people say—kind of like how it’s standard to respond to “how are you?” with “Good! How are you?” regardless of what’s going on in your life.

That you’re having such a hard time understanding this very basic part of social interactions makes me wonder what other social cues you’re missing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am willing to bet that this is not about your supervisor being jealous or intimidated by you. (Which, incidentally, is the standard response most of us give to our friends when another woman doesn't like her -- "Oh, she's just jealous of you!" -- so I'd take what your co-workers say with a grain of salt). Your supervisor might find you annoying or lacking in your abilities/work ethic/etc. If you are giving suggestions and input constantly, I'd find that annoying, too, if I were her. Your constant input might be perceived as you trying to outsmart her or undermine her authority. You might think you're a great worker and a "go-getter" but maybe you come across as being over-eager and full of yourself. So take a step back to take an honest look at yourself to see if any of this might be true. In the meantime, try laying low for a while to see if her behavior towards you changes.

Is this really true? People have also said this to me about my boss.

yes

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a female supervisor who will take any opportunity to shoot down my suggestions or contributions. She is so consistent with this and so often directs this behavior at me that it seems obvious to me and others we work with that she has some sort of issue with me.

I will make a comment or suggestion in a meeting, something very logical and not directed at her whatsoever, literally everyone else in the meeting will concur with said comment, and she will find some non-reason to shut me down. I feel like my opinions are absolutely unvalued and since everyone else agrees that I am very competent at my job, I feel this behavior is personal on some level. Unfortunately this woman really throws her weight around and nobody stands up to her. I work hard, I care about my job and I consistently step up, and yet still she shuts me down constantly. I have learned to filter certain ideas through other people to whom she is more receptive. Others close to me have said that she is intimidated by me/jealous of me, because I am young, intelligent, fairly attractive, and happily married to a great guy, and she is older, divorced a few times and not so attractive. I don't really care what the reason is, frankly, because it doesn't change anything ... but has anyone else dealt with this in the workplace? What did you do?

This is textbook sexual harassment. Document and report to HR.

That's funny. YOu're nuts, btw. THis is sexual harassment: Someone you work with makes you the target of unwelcome sexually suggestive or demeaning comments, repeated and unwelcome requests for dates, offensive gestures, offensive touching, jokes or pranks, intimidating behaviors, or pornographic materials.

It's not when they don't want to listen to your ideas, in your view.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am willing to bet that this is not about your supervisor being jealous or intimidated by you. (Which, incidentally, is the standard response most of us give to our friends when another woman doesn't like her -- "Oh, she's just jealous of you!" -- so I'd take what your co-workers say with a grain of salt). Your supervisor might find you annoying or lacking in your abilities/work ethic/etc. If you are giving suggestions and input constantly, I'd find that annoying, too, if I were her. Your constant input might be perceived as you trying to outsmart her or undermine her authority. You might think you're a great worker and a "go-getter" but maybe you come across as being over-eager and full of yourself. So take a step back to take an honest look at yourself to see if any of this might be true. In the meantime, try laying low for a while to see if her behavior towards you changes.

Is this really true? People have also said this to me about my boss.

My boss probably makes 2 times as much as I do at the bare minimal. Not sure where the jealous theory comes from...

You guys need to read the bolded. “She’s jealous” is the standard response when someone (anyone!) doesn’t like a woman. People are telling you there’s a good reason she’s not actually jealous. Maybe she gets annoyed because your vocal fry is grating or you chew gum and it’s annoying. Or maybe you end up talking over other people. Or a thousand other things big and small. The jealous reason is just something people say—kind of like how it’s standard to respond to “how are you?” with “Good! How are you?” regardless of what’s going on in your life.

That you’re having such a hard time understanding this very basic part of social interactions makes me wonder what other social cues you’re missing.

Most of them. That's precisely why I work for a small company full of nerds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For starters, I wouldn't necessarily agree with those "close to you" that she's jealous. Maybe she just doesn't like you for reasons that have nothing to do with your *koff* enviable position as a young, intelligent, attractive, married woman, as opposed to a old, ugly, divorcee.

I think there's a good possibility that you're socially a bit more tone-deaf than you think you are. If you see yourself as a winner because of your youth/beauty/marriage and her as a loser because of same, chances are it's coming through in the way you act towards her.

Find a different job.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For starters, I wouldn't necessarily agree with those "close to you" that she's jealous. Maybe she just doesn't like you for reasons that have nothing to do with your *koff* enviable position as a young, intelligent, attractive, married woman, as opposed to a old, ugly, divorcee.

I think there's a good possibility that you're socially a bit more tone-deaf than you think you are. If you see yourself as a winner because of your youth/beauty/marriage and her as a loser because of same, chances are it's coming through in the way you act towards her.

Find a different job.

+1000

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