Required student to stay within a certain driving distance

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does staying in state = on a leash? I was 2 hours away, hardly ever came home, and definitely had the college experience. I even spent a year at UMD but didn't live at home - same deal.

It's not the distance, it's the attitude of the parent/child. I loved knowing my parents weren't that far away, but they certainly weren't a part of my day-to-day (or even weekly/monthly) life.

You are exactly right: it's not the distance, it's the attitude of the parent/child. And a parent who mandates their kid apply only to local schools does not have the correct attitude. They're signalling that they're not ready to let go, papered up with some trivial concerns about transit time and theoretical medical emergencies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't know anything about the daughter, and OP may not really know either.
Could be reasonable given circumstances we don't know about

OP here. I know the mother and the DD. She just wants to be able to hop in her car and get to her DD in the event of an emergency(either real or in DDs mind). Can't find a flight at 2am in the morning, but she could easily get on the road. She's a single mom.

I think it totally depends on the kid. One of my children wants to be close to home. She has some learning issues, and she's afraid of being too far away from home. Another DD wants to stay on the East Coast, but isn't concerned about being close to home. If you are a 2-hour flight away, I told her, I'm OK with that.

In our case, transportation costs are an issue. We don't want DD in the midwest or West Coast. Just too expensive to fly out and back. But if you've got the funds, and your DD wants the West Coast, why not?

I can understand a single mom's restriction, but it entirely depends on how her daughter sees it. If she feels she wants to get away, then she might really resent her mom's restriction. But she might feel comforted her mom will be available if she needs her, even though the likelihood she will is remote.

BTW, a friend's son got very, very sick at college, and his dad drove 4 hours to stay in a hotel nearby and nurse his kid back to health. The college was in a remote area, and the college health services were so-so. Both father and son were happy his dad could do that. Emergencies do happen, but they are rare.

We've never put restrictions on our kids, but we have financial restrictions, so our kids are likely to go to state colleges because of cost. So they'll be within driving distance. We don't live in CA or Texas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don't know anything about the daughter, and OP may not really know either.
Could be reasonable given circumstances we don't know about

OP here. I know the mother and the DD. She just wants to be able to hop in her car and get to her DD in the event of an emergency(either real or in DDs mind). Can't find a flight at 2am in the morning, but she could easily get on the road. She's a single mom.

There is your answer. Her life has pretty much revolved around her daughter, probably to the point of mutual dependence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all those posters that say parents need to chill are HS students. HS students usually want to get as far away as possible -- California, Paris, London -- but when they get there and realize that home is once a year if that, they rethink it. Airplane ride is limiting to 3 times a year, and you never kw how much the fares will go up. So if the parent is paying, many say, stay in state. There are many advantages to that. You have plenty of time in grad school or later to move as far away as you want.

I think you are in Middle School. MS students often want to stay as close as possible, they are scared by the big world out there. Big bears in California, wild cowboys in Texas, a million druglords in Mexico, crazy communists in Canada. But then, when they get to HS, some of them remember "Oh, the places you'll go!" and no amount of bs will stop them.

[Anonymous]

It costs money to travel to and from college. I already know I can't afford for my son to fly back and forth to get to and from college. There are more than enough choices within driving distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It costs money to travel to and from college. I already know I can't afford for my son to fly back and forth to get to and from college. There are more than enough choices within driving distance.

Yes, as many posters have said, barring financial constraints and serious health issues, would you require your kid to stick around "just in case you need to reach him/her quickly" ?

[Anonymous]

I think all those posters that say parents need to chill are HS students

Wow, this is provincial.
Can't even imagine there is another point of view.
... sort of proves the point.

[Anonymous]

Provincial/disconnected from reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It costs money to travel to and from college. I already know I can't afford for my son to fly back and forth to get to and from college. There are more than enough choices within driving distance.

Yes, as many posters have said, barring financial constraints and serious health issues, would you require your kid to stick around "just in case you need to reach him/her quickly" ?

+1. Our DC will apply to the schools that appeal and are a good fit regardless of distance. DC knows our financial situation (solidly middle class), and we will determine what we can and cannot do financially when the time goes. I would never, ever tell my child you can only apply to schools that I can get to within two hours. It's not just about me. DC's needs are strongly considered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How does staying in state = on a leash? I was 2 hours away, hardly ever came home, and definitely had the college experience. I even spent a year at UMD but didn't live at home - same deal.

It's not the distance, it's the attitude of the parent/child. I loved knowing my parents weren't that far away, but they certainly weren't a part of my day-to-day (or even weekly/monthly) life.

+1. I actually ended up going to a top private college only 30 minutes away. I had need based financial aid and some loans turned into grants because I was from the home state and someone had donated money for that purpose. The situation worked for me because I did not grow up in that state my whole life, I went to a college that only had 10-15% of the students from that state, and my parents were not intrusive. I went home no more often than the other kids from out of state.

It was great being able to drive my things to college over move-in week by myself. When I was sick one semester it was great that my mom could come to campus and help me get sorted. It was also nice not worrying about money to get home. My parents really didn't have the money for plane tickets or to all come out there as a family for things. It is funny the things you take for granted but we never stayed at a hotel until I was in high school and we had to travel to the Midwest for a cousin's wedding ...and we drove 11-12 hours to get there.

I should add, my mom DID give me the limitations of staying in state and at the time I wasn't happy about it. In hindsight, I ended up in a better financial because I had less in loans , I was able to take for granted that I could go home over breaks and my parents could particpate in activities at school like parents weekend, and when I was sick and needed to reduce my class load one semester, my mom could get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It costs money to travel to and from college. I already know I can't afford for my son to fly back and forth to get to and from college. There are more than enough choices within driving distance.

Then tell him he has X dollars and he needs to figure it all out. Maybe it mans he takes a part time job on campus and pays for his transportation that way. Or hitches rides with students that have cars and live near you.

[Anonymous]

My parents were Foreign Service and lived 7000 miles away from me when i was in college. We spoke on Sundays for five minutes because it was so expensive to call long distance. I was 17 when I went to college and managed just fine.

I work at a University and am constantly amazed by how pathetically helpless some of the students are. They can't figure the most basic things out on their own and come to me with the most basic questions and seem completely passive. They follow directions, but only if parceled out step by step. They can't problem solve and when they encounter an isdue they immediately email me a question, the answer to which can usually be found by reading the instructions or conducting a Google search. They don't have basic life skills and clearly rely on their parents for constant guidance. These kids are the worst.

Yet others the same age are totally independent and have their acts together. It's about a 50/50 split. Which group do you want your kid to be in?

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I went to school more than halfway across the country and it was the best thing I ever decided to do. I was 18 and my parents had no say in the matter. Of course, they didn't contribute financially to my college education, since they couldn't afford to. I got by on grants, loans, work-study, and summer/winter break jobs.

But I will not limit where my kids can go based on geography even if I pay for it myself. That is their decision.

When you control kids too much, they'll try that much harder to escape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think all those posters that say parents need to chill are HS students

Wow, this is provincial.
Can't even imagine there is another point of view.
... sort of proves the point.

Kind of the pot calling the kettle black. There is another point of view, but most of the posters here are jumping all over that POV saying it's wrong and helicopter-y. Yes, there ARE other points of view. And just because they are different from your's doesn't make them wrong. That's pretty much how every single argument on DCUM starts, because there actually are other points of view.

My parents wanted me close to home, they wouldn't allow a study abroad. They were far too scared of the big bad scariness of the world. Despite all of that, I appreciate their concern and ended up (so far at least) having a great life. It isn't all one thing or the other. The child isn't crippled forever if they go to school closer to home.

[Anonymous]

Mom of three college kids here ~. I have one overseas, one in North Carolina, one in Florida. At one point we lived about an hour from University of Florida. I saw my Gator kid at the end of some semesters and during major holidays and that's about it. You don't have to move far from home to gain independence.