Required student to stay within a certain driving distance

[Anonymous]

I have a friend that required her DD to only look at schools that were within a 5-6hr drive from DMV. She wants to be able to reach her at a moments notice if the DD needs her. She did make an exception for some ATL schools (she has friends down there). Just wondering what other people think of this. My DD will start looking at colleges next year and while she has not spoken about midwest or west coast schools, I really do not want her to be that far away. Is that selfish?

[Anonymous]

I really feel that it's a family decision to do what they feel is best for all of them.

I also wanted kids in driving distance and now have one kid 250 miles and another 1000 miles. Turns out that there's not much difference in how much we see them (although of course the longer distance costs more to travel).

[Anonymous]

My parents put this restriction on me for financial reasons (I had a sister who was in college a flight away). They told me two years within driving distance and then I could transfer if I wanted. I understood and accepted this.

[Anonymous]

My parents paid for all 4 years of my college and the rule was - have to stay in state.

If you are financing your kids education, I see nothing wrong with putting some parameters around it.

[Anonymous]

I think that is bizarre. Barring a medical emergency, why would u need to get to your kids college? College choice should be based around a parents weird anxiety issue.

[Anonymous]

Not selfish at all, but choice should be dictated on quality and job prospects, not distance.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, if the parents are paying for it, they get to make the rules. A 5-6 hour drive from DC or Atlanta is a huge radius and there are tons of school options. It doesn't seem very limiting to me.

[Anonymous]

My DC is in college in the Midwest and we have not needed any emergency visits. The flight home is easy and fairly cheap. It's harder to get to some rural campuses than it is to get to my DCs. Bucknell is an example- 4 hour drive and not many other transportation options to get there. I can fly to my DCs college (and there are frequent flights) faster than that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents paid for all 4 years of my college and the rule was - have to stay in state.

If you are financing your kids education, I see nothing wrong with putting some parameters around it.

+1 I was also allowed to consider out-of-state or private schools with the rule being - we'll pay for what in-state costs and you'll have to make up the difference in loans or however. I didn't end up applying to anywhere but in-state public schools. I ended up at a school about 5 hours away from my home - pretty much at the other end of the state - but my parents never once had to "rush up at a moment's notice." Besides.. 5-6 hours of a drive isn't a moment's notice.

[Anonymous]

My parents imposed these limits. It was because of the cost of flights. I went to school 6 hours away and still ended up flying some. Also took the dreaded Greyhound a number of times. My kids wanted to be nearby so this was not an issue for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend that required her DD to only look at schools that were within a 5-6hr drive from DMV. She wants to be able to reach her at a moments notice if the DD needs her. She did make an exception for some ATL schools (she has friends down there). Just wondering what other people think of this. My DD will start looking at colleges next year and while she has not spoken about midwest or west coast schools, I really do not want her to be that far away. Is that selfish?

I totally agree with the folks that are saying its reasonable to put this restriction on college choices for monetary reasons--flight costs can really add up.
I could also possibly see a situation where a kid with some kind of physical or intellectual disability might need to be closer to home.

However, the situation OP is describing sounds like none of those situations. Mom wants to "reach her at a moments notice if she needs her."
That's helicopter parenting, and mom needs to detach. If I were the DD, I would intentionally be looking for the absolute maximum distance I could from this mom.

[Anonymous]

We don't know anything about the daughter, and OP may not really know either.
Could be reasonable given circumstances we don't know about

[Anonymous]

I don't think its unreasonable. There probably is more to it or they want to be available for their child. My parents preferred we stay on the East Coast so they could get to us in a hurry if we had a problem. They were never intrusive or visited without letting us know in advanced. It wasn't a big deal. I did get really sick and went to the ER. I was glad my parents could make it up in a few hours after the ER gave me medication that made me worse and had to go to a different ER.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised by how many people think this is reasonable. Yes, if you're paying, it is your right to condition your money on virtually anything you want to. But your kid might be a fit somewhere farther away. Or, might just plain old WANT to be farther away from you for a few years. I think that part of accepting that they are becoming adults is letting them have the freedom to choose some place farther afield. (And, while there are plenty of decent schools near here, you're still eliminating literally dozens of excellent options based on an arbitrary distance rule).

Also, I can't help but suspect that concerns like flight costs (trivial compared to the cost of college) and emergency issues (if your kid winds up in, say, Boston, they'll be near an airport if they need to come home and near stellar hospitals if an accident happens) are a bit insincere and tend more to mask our own sadness and insecurity with the fact that our kids are leaving home. Yeah, its your money, but its not a strong enough reason to override your kids wishes, in my opinion.

[Anonymous]

You can justify it however you like, but parochial is parochial. If it is about money, then there are other ways to keep costs in line. If it is about not wanting DC to get too independent, then you should talk to a therapist, pastor, etc.