Required student to stay within a certain driving distance

[Anonymous]

Times have changed. My parents told me I needed to go at least two hours away to learn to be on my own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Times have changed. My parents told me I needed to go at least two hours away to learn to be on my own.

Please don't equate one page of "what if we need to get to you in a hurry" posters as "modern times".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised by how many people think this is reasonable. Yes, if you're paying, it is your right to condition your money on virtually anything you want to. But your kid might be a fit somewhere farther away. Or, might just plain old WANT to be farther away from you for a few years. I think that part of accepting that they are becoming adults is letting them have the freedom to choose some place farther afield. (And, while there are plenty of decent schools near here, you're still eliminating literally dozens of excellent options based on an arbitrary distance rule).

Also, I can't help but suspect that concerns like flight costs (trivial compared to the cost of college) and emergency issues (if your kid winds up in, say, Boston, they'll be near an airport if they need to come home and near stellar hospitals if an accident happens) are a bit insincere and tend more to mask our own sadness and insecurity with the fact that our kids are leaving home. Yeah, its your money, but its not a strong enough reason to override your kids wishes, in my opinion.

Couldn't agree more. I'll miss my kids terribly when they go away to school but I can't imagine putting any such arbitrary distance perimeters around them.

[Anonymous]

I think this is insane. Let the kid go already. They know where to find you if they need you. Your job was to raise the child to be a responsible adult. Trust you did your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't know anything about the daughter, and OP may not really know either.
Could be reasonable given circumstances we don't know about

OP here. I know the mother and the DD. She just wants to be able to hop in her car and get to her DD in the event of an emergency(either real or in DDs mind). Can't find a flight at 2am in the morning, but she could easily get on the road. She's a single mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend that required her DD to only look at schools that were within a 5-6hr drive from DMV. She wants to be able to reach her at a moments notice if the DD needs her. She did make an exception for some ATL schools (she has friends down there). Just wondering what other people think of this. My DD will start looking at colleges next year and while she has not spoken about midwest or west coast schools, I really do not want her to be that far away. Is that selfish?

I totally agree with the folks that are saying its reasonable to put this restriction on college choices for monetary reasons--flight costs can really add up.
I could also possibly see a situation where a kid with some kind of physical or intellectual disability might need to be closer to home.

However, the situation OP is describing sounds like none of those situations. Mom wants to "reach her at a moments notice if she needs her."
That's helicopter parenting, and mom needs to detach. If I were the DD, I would intentionally be looking for the absolute maximum distance I could from this mom.

I don't question other people's decisions.

I have a kid who appears very healthy, but is also at very high risk for sudden severe medical issues that would require a parent to visit often, as well as trips home to see her specialist team. We're looking at schools within a 3 hour radius. I'm happy to let people think I'm at a helicopter mom, if it protects her privacy and her ability to control it.

[Anonymous]

My parents said they didn't want me to go to an instate school because they thought it would be good for me to experience something different. I have a ton of respect for them for encouraging me to get out of my comfort zone.

[Anonymous]

I think it's wrong. College is a time to go off and explore, and if a kid needs to do that by going across the country so be it. You can drive for five hours or fly for five hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's wrong. College is a time to go off and explore, and if a kid needs to do that by going across the country so be it. You can drive for five hours or fly for five hours.

You don't "need" to fly 5 hours to explore. Unless a kid wants some kind of very specific education (e.g. a specific service academy), you can find pretty much every kind of option within driving distance of DC. If you live in Alaska, it might be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's wrong. College is a time to go off and explore, and if a kid needs to do that by going across the country so be it. You can drive for five hours or fly for five hours.

You don't "need" to fly 5 hours to explore. Unless a kid wants some kind of very specific education (e.g. a specific service academy), you can find pretty much every kind of option within driving distance of DC. If you live in Alaska, it might be different.

Whatever gets you through the day. It's ok!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's wrong. College is a time to go off and explore, and if a kid needs to do that by going across the country so be it. You can drive for five hours or fly for five hours.

You don't "need" to fly 5 hours to explore. Unless a kid wants some kind of very specific education (e.g. a specific service academy), you can find pretty much every kind of option within driving distance of DC. If you live in Alaska, it might be different.

I found going to college in the Midwest to be eye opening. While I was well traveled and had lived outside the US I had not lived outside the Bethesda/NW bubble in the US. It's good to get out and experience something different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's wrong. College is a time to go off and explore, and if a kid needs to do that by going across the country so be it. You can drive for five hours or fly for five hours.

You don't "need" to fly 5 hours to explore. Unless a kid wants some kind of very specific education (e.g. a specific service academy), you can find pretty much every kind of option within driving distance of DC. If you live in Alaska, it might be different.

I agree, kids can also live at home. I know many prefer to get in debt though.

[Anonymous]

The only reason I'd put this stipulation on a kid is the flight costs. Even then, I think I'd be more inclined to say, "Look, if you want to come home at every break, you earn the money yourself." I hate the thought of saying that, but reality is, college is so expensive already that a few $1000 round-trip flights a year could be totally cost prohibitive.

[Anonymous]

I'm torn on this. I know plenty of families who tell their kids that they'll pay in-state tuition, but kids have to make up the difference. The kids are a mix of staying in-state and choosing elsewhere.

My brother's list of schools was pretty much the call of the beach - Univ of Florida/West Florida/Central Florida, Arizona, Arizona State. We lived in the Midwest. My parents ended up giving him a 250mi radius away from home, and he found the school as far south as he could get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only reason I'd put this stipulation on a kid is the flight costs. Even then, I think I'd be more inclined to say, "Look, if you want to come home at every break, you earn the money yourself." I hate the thought of saying that, but reality is, college is so expensive already that a few $1000 round-trip flights a year could be totally cost prohibitive.

Depends where you go. My kid's flights are typically $250-300 and the bus to the airport is $7. So it's not a big deal.