Husband wants to send 5 year old to MILs for a week, but drug addict brother lives there. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I absolutely would not send my child to stay for a week in a house with a known addict, out of my supervision. The problem with addicts is judgement and boundaries. Those are deal breakers for the types of people I will allow around my children outside of my direct supervision (or within my supervision too, but that's not the issue here). Most importantly, if your gut tells you it is a bad idea, you should listen to your mother's intuition. You don't even have to have a rational reason. You are his mother and you have the final say on matters on safety.

[Anonymous]

Op, are you seriously going to allow this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would send the five year old. Its only a week. Also, just make sure to tell grandmother not to leave child alone with him if it really bothers you

This is my thought. I had a roommate once who was a heroin (!) addict. I didn't find out for months. I think your son will be fine. Also, drug addict =/= horrible person.

[Anonymous]

If MIL and husband are both fine with it, then I'm going to make some assumptions that OP doesn't like her inlaws that much and is looking for reasons to avoid sending her kid. I'd bet OP is overblowing the addiction danger; otherwise, husband would not be down with sending their kid there (MIL is arguable on this point - because as others have noted she may be enabling).

When my husband suggests we spend time with his family (who we only see every couple years because they are horrid), I always have excuses: uncle is sick and will make DS sick; their dog will give DS bad allergies, BIL acts like a pedophile.... But seriously, if i liked these people remotely, I would just deal with those issues or they wouldn't bother me nearly as much.

In any event, I'm not sure what the "danger" presented by BIL is. Knowing that husband and MIL both support this, I think it sounds like the danger is nil, and I would be fine with it - after husband discusses with MIL the need to not leave DS alone with BIL.

[Anonymous]

Hell no, I don't allow my grandmother to watch my children because my drug addicted aunt lives with her. I'd be willing to see my DH in divorce court over it, if he felt otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If MIL and husband are both fine with it, then I'm going to make some assumptions that OP doesn't like her inlaws that much and is looking for reasons to avoid sending her kid. I'd bet OP is overblowing the addiction danger; otherwise, husband would not be down with sending their kid there (MIL is arguable on this point - because as others have noted she may be enabling).

When my husband suggests we spend time with his family (who we only see every couple years because they are horrid), I always have excuses: uncle is sick and will make DS sick; their dog will give DS bad allergies, BIL acts like a pedophile.... But seriously, if i liked these people remotely, I would just deal with those issues or they wouldn't bother me nearly as much.

In any event, I'm not sure what the "danger" presented by BIL is. Knowing that husband and MIL both support this, I think it sounds like the danger is nil, and I would be fine with it - after husband discusses with MIL the need to not leave DS alone with BIL.

if you liked your in-laws more it would be ok for BIL to act like a pedophile? YOu have to be the biggest dimwit on DCUM today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hell no, I don't allow my grandmother to watch my children because my drug addicted aunt lives with her. I'd be willing to see my DH in divorce court over it, if he felt otherwise.

THIS!

[Anonymous]

Why not bring the MIL to you? I would not send the child to her. Have her stay with you and watch the child during spring break.

[Anonymous]

Um, no. If BIL is still too fragile to accept that some people don't feel comfortable around him bc he had a problem, then he is not ready for a 5yo to rock the boat. They are noisy, energetic and physical. For not only your child's safety but for the sake of your BIL's recovery, you should consider bringing the MIL to you. Short term visits with BIL make more sense right now. Everyone's stress is better managed that way.

[Anonymous]

Hell no

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The brother is 35, living at home with no job. Supposedly sober for three months, addicted to prescription painkillers. Last time he fell off the wagon he cleaned out his grandmother's bank account on the day of her funeral. On the other hand, can I deny my kid a relationship with her grandmother, who is a lovely woman? I can't take the week off, nor can my husband. DH is very loyal and protective of his brother, and will defend him and say nothing bad will happen and that he is doing his best to stay clean and he deserves our compassion, not judgement. If I fight this it is going to get ugly. WWYD?

Nope. Child would not go. Sorry.

And, I would stress that it is not judging him, you feel compassion, and you want to help him . . . which I would honestly mean. But, that doesn't mean I would take any sort of chance with my kid. She isn't a testing ground for his new found sobriety. Maybe some day but three months out is not that long. You say you can't take the week off . . . then you need a plan B.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Um, no. If BIL is still too fragile to accept that some people don't feel comfortable around him bc he had a problem, then he is not ready for a 5yo to rock the boat. They are noisy, energetic and physical. For not only your child's safety but for the sake of your BIL's recovery, you should consider bringing the MIL to you. Short term visits with BIL make more sense right now. Everyone's stress is better managed that way.

This. Too much stress for the BIL. So, if not for your kid's sake, this should not happen for the sake of BILs continued recovery.

[Anonymous]

No. Some things are not even an argument on the table.This is one of those things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would send the five year old. Its only a week. Also, just make sure to tell grandmother not to leave child alone with him if it really bothers you

This is my thought. I had a roommate once who was a heroin (!) addict. I didn't find out for months. I think your son will be fine. Also, drug addict =/= horrible person.

Not horrible people, horrible judgement GENIUS.
An active addict is probably lying, may have their drug dealer or other active addicts coming to their place of residence, take risks with themselves that may harm(financially,emotionally, physically) those close to them.
The same goes for someone in the early stages of recovery, someone still graping with their issues related to their addiction.
Some of you posters act like drug addiction is just some bad habit.
It is called addiction for a reason. And quite frankly, if grandma did not say up front, " hey I want snowflake to come and stay, but I know you may have reservations about bubba and his addiction. But he has been sober for 3 months, goes to meetings 2 x a week, and is not hanging around the people he used to get high with"... If grana is not transparent like that, then HELL NO!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If he were addicted to crack or meth I'd say no, but prescription painkillers (while a terrible thing to be addicted to), isn't quite as likely to be a danger to your five year old. That said, I would want to make sure your MIL understands your concerns and promises to stay with your kid at all times and not let him go off alone with the brother.

But what if kids gets curious about the candy his uncle keeps eating ?