Husband wants to send 5 year old to MILs for a week, but drug addict brother lives there. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

The brother is 35, living at home with no job. Supposedly sober for three months, addicted to prescription painkillers. Last time he fell off the wagon he cleaned out his grandmother's bank account on the day of her funeral. On the other hand, can I deny my kid a relationship with her grandmother, who is a lovely woman? I can't take the week off, nor can my husband. DH is very loyal and protective of his brother, and will defend him and say nothing bad will happen and that he is doing his best to stay clean and he deserves our compassion, not judgement. If I fight this it is going to get ugly. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I would let it get as ugly as it needed to get if it meant protecting a 5 year old from a drug addict possibly relapsing in front of him.
Family therapy for you and your husband, or even Al-anon for you, to learn how to navigate this.

[Anonymous]

I would send the five year old. Its only a week. Also, just make sure to tell grandmother not to leave child alone with him if it really bothers you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would send the five year old. Its only a week. Also, just make sure to tell grandmother not to leave child alone with him if it really bothers you

+1.

[Anonymous]

I would probably not.

[Anonymous]

No way. Either you visit too (and stay in a hotel) or make other arrangements to see grandma. This is not the only way to have a relationship with grandma.

[Anonymous]

Can't you just visit for a day or a weekend with your son? Why does it have to be a week?

I would not risk the child being there without your own supervision. Three months sober is only that long. I would not take the risk with a five year old at this point.

[Anonymous]

Nope, I would not. Just stand your ground and offer to do some kind of supervised visit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would send the five year old. Its only a week. Also, just make sure to tell grandmother not to leave child alone with him if it really bothers you

+1.

I agree. If you also believe the man is sober, I would have even more reason to send her during that week. Isn't he her uncle?

[Anonymous]

Have MIL come to you for the week.

[Anonymous]

No way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would send the five year old. Its only a week. Also, just make sure to tell grandmother not to leave child alone with him if it really bothers you

+1.

I agree. If you also believe the man is sober, I would have even more reason to send her during that week. Isn't he her uncle?

Sorry, three months sober is not long at all. A person would have to be sober and living a responsible life for a lot longer for three months for me to allow my five year old to stay in the house with him without me right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way. Either you visit too (and stay in a hotel) or make other arrangements to see grandma. This is not the only way to have a relationship with grandma.

+1 Too young. If the child was in 4th or 5th grade, maybe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would let it get as ugly as it needed to get if it meant protecting a 5 year old from a drug addict possibly relapsing in front of him.
Family therapy for you and your husband, or even Al-anon for you, to learn how to navigate this.

+1

And if this is the only way he can have a relationship with his grandmother, there's something really wrong. She can come visit or you can go another time. But please, do not make this into "But he's being denied a relationship with his grandmother." If he doesn't spend time with her at all, he shouldn't be going there at all without you. No 5 year should go away for a week to a strange home, even if it is his grandmother's.

[Anonymous]

If he were addicted to crack or meth I'd say no, but prescription painkillers (while a terrible thing to be addicted to), isn't quite as likely to be a danger to your five year old. That said, I would want to make sure your MIL understands your concerns and promises to stay with your kid at all times and not let him go off alone with the brother.