When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were in this situation almost exactly (although we waited a good bit longer before having our first child). It actually made it easier for me to deal with my feelings (I never regretted the decisions we made but did have some sadness around it from time to time). Once we had our children I had less of those sad feelings. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about the decision you made--as far as I am concerned forcing a woman to have a child too early and likely having to raise the child alone if the father is not ready either is wrong and it is much better to wait until a family is ready to raise children. Congrats on your pregnancy.

This

-BTDT

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A life is a life. You chose to take one for your own priorities which is a shame. You may want to consider counseling for the negative thinking pattern regarding your husband's perceived reaction. Wishing you all happiness with your new addition.

The would-be parents lives don't count for anything? Quality of life doesn't matter? A life is a life until that baby needs to eat and the parents cant take care of it; then everybody gets really quiet.

That's why there's adoption. It's true accountability and not for one's own self interest, which so many of us lack.

Well said. Seriously. Why is our society so screwed up that a woman feels like if she is pregnant she either has to abort or keep? We should have a campaign to support and adopt. It's a life. Everything about that baby is created when sperm meets egg and successfully implants. If women didn't feel the stigma of it. Although, I had one former friends who did not want to "ruin" her body yet. ugh.

Have you surrendered a baby for adoption yourself? If not, just shut the fuck up. Adoption is not the rainbows and roses you think it is. My mom gave up a child for adoption before she met my dad and every single day of her life from then to now she has cried. She worries about sister constantly and feels guilty every day. I, on the other hand, chose to terminate a pregnancy that I did not feel equipped to continue. I love babies and I'm sorry that the pregnancy did not happen at a time when I could have parented one well, but I have never regretted the choice I made. I cried about the unintended pregnancy but I have never cried about ending it. 22 years later I have a baby I adore and I nearly died from pre-eclampsia before his birth, which has had (so far) permanent effects on my body. I would not trade him for the works but I don't think any woman should be forced to risk her life to birth a child against her will. I wish that I could have had another child or two, but I have never regretted the termination of my first pregnancy.

Adoption is not just "selfless". For some people, it is ripping off a part of themselves and the wound never, ever heals.

Very well said PP

As a matter of fact I did. When in college. My parents were minimally supportive on the subject. It was an open adoption and my child lives in Calf with an amazing family. She is an amazing girl. I am glad that I did not kill/murder her. Yes, it was a tough period but it was 10 months. It is done.

Have you ever seen what an 11 week old baby does when an abortion is being performed? It tries to save itself. It is a person. I am sorry you all are so selfish.

As for the mothers talking about hard pregnancies and risks - it is pregnancy. Women and babies all the time die. It is a factor. Something not to be taken lightly.

I cringe at the realization that we fight for rights but don't take responsibility for our own bodies. If you don't want a child with a particular man then don't have sex with him. Or use multiple forms of birth control. Rarely is the abortion performed due to contraception failure. So murder of a baby because of selfish acts seems so reasonable.

I agree with this. But you are never going to convince these women of this. They need to sleep at night. If they looked at their babies in front of them and realized that they chose to kill one they would not be able to live with themselves. So they say things like "potential life" or the baby would not have had a good existence at the time, etc. They are not strong people, nor selfless.

But they have to believe these things. If it was really the "right" choice it would not be so shameful. It would not be one of those things that is just never brought up again. In the end, they need to sleep at night.

To first PP, your belief about tcontraceptive failure being rare is wrong. 54% of abortions are due to contraceptive failure. 90% of sexually active women, including teens, use contraception.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A life is a life. You chose to take one for your own priorities which is a shame. You may want to consider counseling for the negative thinking pattern regarding your husband's perceived reaction. Wishing you all happiness with your new addition.

The would-be parents lives don't count for anything? Quality of life doesn't matter? A life is a life until that baby needs to eat and the parents cant take care of it; then everybody gets really quiet.

That's why there's adoption. It's true accountability and not for one's own self interest, which so many of us lack.

Well said. Seriously. Why is our society so screwed up that a woman feels like if she is pregnant she either has to abort or keep? We should have a campaign to support and adopt. It's a life. Everything about that baby is created when sperm meets egg and successfully implants. If women didn't feel the stigma of it. Although, I had one former friends who did not want to "ruin" her body yet. ugh.

Have you surrendered a baby for adoption yourself? If not, just shut the fuck up. Adoption is not the rainbows and roses you think it is. My mom gave up a child for adoption before she met my dad and every single day of her life from then to now she has cried. She worries about sister constantly and feels guilty every day. I, on the other hand, chose to terminate a pregnancy that I did not feel equipped to continue. I love babies and I'm sorry that the pregnancy did not happen at a time when I could have parented one well, but I have never regretted the choice I made. I cried about the unintended pregnancy but I have never cried about ending it. 22 years later I have a baby I adore and I nearly died from pre-eclampsia before his birth, which has had (so far) permanent effects on my body. I would not trade him for the works but I don't think any woman should be forced to risk her life to birth a child against her will. I wish that I could have had another child or two, but I have never regretted the termination of my first pregnancy.

Adoption is not just "selfless". For some people, it is ripping off a part of themselves and the wound never, ever heals.

Very well said PP

As a matter of fact I did. When in college. My parents were minimally supportive on the subject. It was an open adoption and my child lives in Calf with an amazing family. She is an amazing girl. I am glad that I did not kill/murder her. Yes, it was a tough period but it was 10 months. It is done.

Have you ever seen what an 11 week old baby does when an abortion is being performed? It tries to save itself. It is a person. I am sorry you all are so selfish.

As for the mothers talking about hard pregnancies and risks - it is pregnancy. Women and babies all the time die. It is a factor. Something not to be taken lightly.

I cringe at the realization that we fight for rights but don't take responsibility for our own bodies. If you don't want a child with a particular man then don't have sex with him. Or use multiple forms of birth control. Rarely is the abortion performed due to contraception failure. So murder of a baby because of selfish acts seems so reasonable.

I agree with this. But you are never going to convince these women of this. They need to sleep at night. If they looked at their babies in front of them and realized that they chose to kill one they would not be able to live with themselves. So they say things like "potential life" or the baby would not have had a good existence at the time, etc. They are not strong people, nor selfless.

But they have to believe these things. If it was really the "right" choice it would not be so shameful. It would not be one of those things that is just never brought up again. In the end, they need to sleep at night.

To first PP, your belief about tcontraceptive failure being rare is wrong. 54% of abortions are due to contraceptive failure. 90% of sexually active women, including teens, use contraception.

Technically it is not contraception failure - it was human failure. New York Times has a long term study comparing the failure rates of contraception and the contraception itself has the same failure rate over time (not much) but HUMAN failure with its use (forgetting to take the pill, not actually using a condom or using it correctly, etc)

[Anonymous]

Either way. PP acts like people aren't being responsible when having sex, yet 90% try to do just that.

[Anonymous]

If the pro-life PP's don't want to have abortions then they shouldn't have them. No one is forcing them. Problem solved. They shouldn't try to make another woman feel something that she just doesn't feel- pointless, silly, and I would imagine, quite frustrating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the pro-life PP's don't want to have abortions then they shouldn't have them. No one is forcing them. Problem solved. They shouldn't try to make another woman feel something that she just doesn't feel- pointless, silly, and I would imagine, quite frustrating.

Everyone posting on here has a mother who decided to see her pregnancy through whether it was easy or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the pro-life PP's don't want to have abortions then they shouldn't have them. No one is forcing them. Problem solved. They shouldn't try to make another woman feel something that she just doesn't feel- pointless, silly, and I would imagine, quite frustrating.

Everyone posting on here has a mother who decided to see her pregnancy through whether it was easy or not.

Good for our mother's. Who is to say we (and our siblings) were their only pregnancies? Just worry about your own uterus and let everyone else worry about theirs.

[Anonymous]

But they have to believe these things. If it was really the "right" choice it would not be so shameful. It would not be one of those things that is just never brought up again. In the end, they need to sleep at night.

It's only "shameful" because of assholes like you.

OP, my now-husband and I were in a very similar situation and had been dating about a year when I had an abortion at 23. I was on the pill, it failed, we were not ready to have a child and I terminated the pregnancy. Seven years later we were married and ready to have a child, so we did. The abortion rarely comes up. Most of us do not feel ashamed, despite the best efforts of the quoted PP - we just feel relieved.

[Anonymous]

What is the deal with this "the pill makes me crazy and my DH/boyfriend/hookup partner hates condoms" crap? I'm 100% pro-choice but there are NO excuses for this, people. If you don't like the hormones, get an IUD. "I don't like it" is a lame-ass cop out for doing something irresponsible and then refusing to take responsibility for it. If you are using responsible birth control and get pregnant, that's one thing. If you refuse to use birth control because it's inconvenient for you, then you are relying on abortion as birth control and that is straight up bullshit. Abortion should be rare, not a fallback plan for people who are too irresponsible for sex.

[Anonymous]

If you refuse to use birth control because it's inconvenient for you, then you are relying on abortion as birth control and that is straight up bullshit. Abortion should be rare, not a fallback plan for people who are too irresponsible for sex.


Yes!!! Right on!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the deal with this "the pill makes me crazy and my DH/boyfriend/hookup partner hates condoms" crap? I'm 100% pro-choice but there are NO excuses for this, people. If you don't like the hormones, get an IUD. "I don't like it" is a lame-ass cop out for doing something irresponsible and then refusing to take responsibility for it. If you are using responsible birth control and get pregnant, that's one thing. If you refuse to use birth control because it's inconvenient for you, then you are relying on abortion as birth control and that is straight up bullshit. Abortion should be rare, not a fallback plan for people who are too irresponsible for sex.

I think that more abortions are forms of birth control than actual birth control failure. I know a lot of my guy friends will confess that they don't use condoms or persuade their girlfriends to not use them or only use them at the end of sex (and yet that is considered bc failure, seriously?) or women who forget a pill or take it late one month but still have sex that month and it is considered bc failure. That is NOT bc failure. You should have used another form of bc that month BUT you didn't then you rationalize the abortion as not your fault. It is your fault. Use a condom, spermicide or all of the above. I am so tired of people BLAMING other shit because they don't want to admit it was their fault and because of their carelessness or recklessness they had to murder a baby whose only fault was having reckless and selfish parents.

I am pro-shoice but the more studies that come out show that the majority of abortions are due to these kinds of situations and that is bullshit. It is insulting that educated women cannot have personal responsibility and the will power to say to their sexual partners YOU WILL use a condom this month because I forgot to take a pill on time. OR I will pay for an IUD because I would rather NOT murder a baby.

[Anonymous]

My cousin and her husband had two abortions before they were married, and three children and a wonderful marriage later on. I feel like you should know your husband better than this by now ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the pro-life PP's don't want to have abortions then they shouldn't have them. No one is forcing them. Problem solved. They shouldn't try to make another woman feel something that she just doesn't feel- pointless, silly, and I would imagine, quite frustrating.

Everyone posting on here has a mother who decided to see her pregnancy through whether it was easy or not.

Good for our mother's. Who is to say we (and our siblings) were their only pregnancies? Just worry about your own uterus and let everyone else worry about theirs.

+1. I had an abortion, and now I have a bunch of children. I do not feel at all guilty/upset/regretful about the abortion I had before I was ready for children. Stop trying to make me feel that way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

Oh, shut up. Not everyone shares your personal theology and bitchiness.

OP, similar situation here (6 years between termination while in school and next pregnancy though) and honestly it's never even come up.

Just changed it to be a little more accurate.