When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first

[Anonymous]

The first time around we were dating for a year and I wasn't ready to have a baby. We hadn't been careful (no birth control - the pill made me crazy and he hates condoms) I didn't think my family would approve, etc. It was my choice and he went along with it. No issue.

Now we are married (two years later) and having a baby. I am slightly paranoid that he might be mad or upset about the abortion after we have this baby. Having a baby is my idea, he would have rather waited on it.

Has anyone been in this situation?

[Anonymous]

I think you are borrowing trouble. I also suspect you are projecting a bit.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your husband.

I am sure that he is fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is indifferent to children one way or another. I agree with the prior poster he will be fine.

Are you sure you will be?

[Anonymous]

Good lord.

[Anonymous]

Did he want to continue the pregnancy before?

Either way, if he is not enthusiastic about this pregnancy, you're going to have issues regardless of unresolved feelings about an abortion that happened years ago. Focus on that instead.

[Anonymous]

You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

[Anonymous]

This happened to a family member in college, however they put the child up for adoption, broke up but got back together years later and then married and had a child. He also had a child from a marriage in the interim whom they have raised. They are very quiet about the whole thing and we have no idea if the adopted child who would be in his 20s has come forward. Their child together is now a middle years teen and they are still married.

I would have a frank discussion rather than try and guess his feelings about this. It sounds like you made the right decision given the circumstances and have moved on to the next stage of your lives/relationship. Moving past the guilt if there is any would be good to explore. You can't turn back time but need to push ahead now.

[Anonymous]

While any individual can have a specific reaction to a situation, in general men think less about children before they are born. My first miscarriage, my DH said to me "I'm sad because you are. The baby was an abstraction" He didn't really think much about the next baby until the 19 week ultrasound, and then he was fascinated with the scan itself and all the bones he could see. He's a great dad to our children now and besotted with them. But he never thought much about them as children before they were born.

I agree with a PP - don't go looking for trouble if you have no signs. However, it does sound like you have some unresolved issues and maybe you should talk to someone about that.

[Anonymous]

We were in this situation almost exactly (although we waited a good bit longer before having our first child). It actually made it easier for me to deal with my feelings (I never regretted the decisions we made but did have some sadness around it from time to time). Once we had our children I had less of those sad feelings. Don't let anyone make you feel bad about the decision you made--as far as I am concerned forcing a woman to have a child too early and likely having to raise the child alone if the father is not ready either is wrong and it is much better to wait until a family is ready to raise children. Congrats on your pregnancy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

Oh, shut up. Not everyone shares your personal theology or bitchiness.

OP, similar situation here (6 years between termination while in school and next pregnancy though) and honestly it's never even come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While any individual can have a specific reaction to a situation, in general men think less about children before they are born. My first miscarriage, my DH said to me "I'm sad because you are. The baby was an abstraction" He didn't really think much about the next baby until the 19 week ultrasound, and then he was fascinated with the scan itself and all the bones he could see. He's a great dad to our children now and besotted with them. But he never thought much about them as children before they were born.

I agree with a PP - don't go looking for trouble if you have no signs. However, it does sound like you have some unresolved issues and maybe you should talk to someone about that.

My DH is like this, too. Congratulations on your pregnancy and like the PP said, don't feel badly about your earlier decision. You made the best decision for you at the time. Things are different now. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I think I might feel a little guilty. I was fearful my now DH would leave. I was 30, great career and was able to go it alone -- I just didn't want to. But at the same time, I am not religious and do not believe it was a "life" since it was 10 weeks.

DH basically said whatever I want to do, he would support. One of his friends warned him that if he ever married me and had kids with me, he would be angry with what I decided to do.

I remember him telling me that and it is playing in the back of my mind. He hasn't really read up on anything for the baby. What little he has done has been because I said it or someone mentioned it to him in passing - but nothing proactively.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

My husband changed his whole stance on abortion after our children (a fiance prior aborted a child of theirs). He didn't really care at the time. Now he hates her for doing that. He didn't feel that way until our first child was 18 months or so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

You must live in a bubble, may God grant you a brain and some empathy.