When DH and I were dating we aborted a baby, now we are married and having our first

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:While any individual can have a specific reaction to a situation, in general men think less about children before they are born. My first miscarriage, my DH said to me "I'm sad because you are. The baby was an abstraction" He didn't really think much about the next baby until the 19 week ultrasound, and then he was fascinated with the scan itself and all the bones he could see. He's a great dad to our children now and besotted with them. But he never thought much about them as children before they were born.

I agree with a PP - don't go looking for trouble if you have no signs. However, it does sound like you have some unresolved issues and maybe you should talk to someone about that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

My husband changed his whole stance on abortion after our children (a fiance prior aborted a child of theirs). He didn't really care at the time. Now he hates her for doing that. He didn't feel that way until our first child was 18 months or so.

Nice of him to lay all the "blame" on his ex fiancé and absolve himself of any role.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

My husband changed his whole stance on abortion after our children (a fiance prior aborted a child of theirs). He didn't really care at the time. Now he hates her for doing that. He didn't feel that way until our first child was 18 months or so.

Nice of him to lay all the "blame" on his ex fiancé and absolve himself of any role.

Sorry, I should have added she told him AFTER she had already done it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

You must live in a bubble, may God grant you a brain and some empathy.

I think that if you believe it is a life and you can care for a child you should have it or give it for adoption. We aren't talking rape or 13 year olds with their whole life ahead of them.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 kids after terminating my first pregnancy. I was not ready to be a mom and it was too early in our marriage. I do feel sad sometimes but I do not dwell on it. DH and I love our kids.
The same happened to at least 2 of my friends. They were married grad students when their BC failed. OP, this is not an uncommon thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

Ignore the crazies.

OP, you were responsible for not having a baby you weren't ready to care for. You sound more conflicted and guilty. You made the right choice at the time. Maybe consider talking to a therapist about this.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe someone would just be so care free with BC. What the hell? To top it off one year is a sliver of time and they got married. Granted they didn't know at that point but overall I smell a troll here.

[Anonymous]

Have an abortion whatever but come on if this isn't troll I don't know what is " We hadn't been careful (no birth control - the pill made me crazy and he hates condoms) "

[Anonymous]

My good friend was in this situation. She definitely expressed sadness and mentioned regretting it but I pointed out to her that she was really thinking of how her life was now and not at the point when she had to make a choice. She wasn't as settled, their relationship was not as solid, etc. The one thing that she did realize in hindsight was true was that her parents would have initially been upset but would have welcomed the child and helped her raise him/her and I think she had a lot of sadness coming to that realization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

My husband changed his whole stance on abortion after our children (a fiance prior aborted a child of theirs). He didn't really care at the time. Now he hates her for doing that. He didn't feel that way until our first child was 18 months or so.

Nice of him to lay all the "blame" on his ex fiancé and absolve himself of any role.

Sorry, I should have added she told him AFTER she had already done it.

But you also said he didn't care at the time, suggesting that if she'd told him about it before the abortion, he probably would have been fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

She seems to be healthy, no repurcussions for her reckless act, just some concerns about whether or not her DH is ready for a kid. What, you think she's going to, errr...what do you call that place, I forget...oh, that's right...HELL? Is that it?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you feel a lot of guilt. I would go see someone to talk you through this. It will be ok, you will be a great mom, but get some help before this baby comes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have an abortion whatever but come on if this isn't troll I don't know what is " We hadn't been careful (no birth control - the pill made me crazy and he hates condoms) "

That doesn't mean they weren't doing withdrawal or trying to time when they had sex. It's not what you would do, it's not the best plan, but that doesn't mean it doesn't get done. It doesn't sound trollish to me at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You were reckless, God have mercy on your family and soul

My husband changed his whole stance on abortion after our children (a fiance prior aborted a child of theirs). He didn't really care at the time. Now he hates her for doing that. He didn't feel that way until our first child was 18 months or so.

Wow. i didn't really care one way or another but once I actually went through a pregnancy, I became vehemently pro-choice.

[Anonymous]

A life is a life. You chose to take one for your own priorities which is a shame. You may want to consider counseling for the negative thinking pattern regarding your husband's perceived reaction. Wishing you all happiness with your new addition.