new DIL didn't like my gift :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Wanted to add, don't make this into a huge deal, you have years ahead of you to grow into this relationship!
Since these people are young, they might be immature and self-centered. I confess I was. I've always liked my MIL, but I appreciate her more and more as time goes by. Try not to let it get to you.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS needs to learn that he doesn't have to communicate every hurt feeling his wife has to the hurt party. I suspect the DIL expressed concern and fear and declared that DS "MUST TALK TO HIS MOM LIKE RITE NAU", and DS, thinking he was doing the right thing, communicated the concern.

Now if DIL went off for 20+ minutes and/or threatened to leave DS over this (or some other ridiculous consequence) that is another matter entirely.

OP, you may want to gently find out just what *was* the DIL's reaction, whether it was "nervous 22 year old reading too much into things" or "journeywoman harpy looking for her master harpy's license" and (re)act accordingly.

I will say it doesn't get better with age -- if it is the latter, I am sorry for you and your son.

Oh God no. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Dog and son get a gift dil gets nothing? And you thought this was a good idea why ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can we stop saying the DIL is ingracious? She said something about the gift, in confidence, to her husband, not to OP. OPs son is a new husband on a learning curve, and he will (hopefully) learn when he needs to intervene, and when to keep his mouth shut.

OP, there is no need to buy another gift. Your heart was in the right place, but a gift should be a gift for the person you're giving it to. While you might appreciate baby clothes for your birthday, it is not good practice to give gifts for the receiver to use on someone else. Do not hold this experience against your new DIL. You both have many years ahead of you together, and it will be much easier if you try to assume the best intentions in each other.

+1 This!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dog and son get a gift dil gets nothing? And you thought this was a good idea why ?

Op, has explained that was not her intention. Let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, it's a bit of a strange gift - you essentially gave a gift to your son and his dog and totally ignored your new daughter in law. Not cool. I'd suggest that you call and explain your reason for the gift.

I agree and early on, I would have been hurt by such a gift. Even if I hated it, I think something more personal would have been better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dog and son get a gift dil gets nothing? And you thought this was a good idea why ?

Op, has explained that was not her intention. Let it go.[/quote


But it still speaks volumes no gift for dil but a card for the DOG? I question if her heart was in the right place or she was merely showing what she really thought (.... I worry for my son.....) does not sound like love to me

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP It's really rotten that your DIL feels this way AND that your son thought it appropriate to tell you.

Try not to be too hurt about it-- it sounds like they are young and they will probably look back on this when they are older and feel embarrassed about how they acted.

I personally would tell DS that it's unacceptable to act that way about a thoughtful gift. Even though he's an adult, "kids" might still need that reminder.

I have two boys and this makes me dread getting a DIL someday...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, it's a bit of a strange gift - you essentially gave a gift to your son and his dog and totally ignored your new daughter in law. Not cool. I'd suggest that you call and explain your reason for the gift.

I agree and early on, I would have been hurt by such a gift. Even if I hated it, I think something more personal would have been better.

But it WAS personal. The DIL loves the dog and the OP went out of her way to take what little she knows of the DIL to find a gift based on what she knows she loves... which is the dog. It's a very nice, thoughtful gift.

To be hurt by that is the ultimate in diva, spoiled behavior.

[Anonymous]

OP... is it possible your son is jealous/upset about your newborn and feels a bit spiteful about getting gift cards this year in general?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Wanted to add, don't make this into a huge deal, you have years ahead of you to grow into this relationship!
Since these people are young, they might be immature and self-centered. I confess I was. I've always liked my MIL, but I appreciate her more and more as time goes by. Try not to let it get to you.

+1

This is great advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, it's a bit of a strange gift - you essentially gave a gift to your son and his dog and totally ignored your new daughter in law. Not cool. I'd suggest that you call and explain your reason for the gift.

I agree and early on, I would have been hurt by such a gift. Even if I hated it, I think something more personal would have been better.

Not a great choice for some one you do not know well op Lot of symbolic meaning in that gift. If I was dil I would feel a bit hurt both ways one the odd gift and two that dh ran right to his mom and blabbed A bit too close to son op?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, it's a bit of a strange gift - you essentially gave a gift to your son and his dog and totally ignored your new daughter in law. Not cool. I'd suggest that you call and explain your reason for the gift.

I agree and early on, I would have been hurt by such a gift. Even if I hated it, I think something more personal would have been better.

But it WAS personal. The DIL loves the dog and the OP went out of her way to take what little she knows of the DIL to find a gift based on what she knows she loves... which is the dog. It's a very nice, thoughtful gift.

To be hurt by that is the ultimate in diva, spoiled behavior.[/quote

Look, I'm not a dog person but it seems like everyone considers their dogs their baby, so using that analogy, it's like giving a new mom a diapers.com gift card and giving the new dad a gift card for clothes for himself. It just seems like there is no gift for the DIL. I love my kids and I love buying them things, but I don't want a gift for them for myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, it's a bit of a strange gift - you essentially gave a gift to your son and his dog and totally ignored your new daughter in law. Not cool. I'd suggest that you call and explain your reason for the gift.

I agree and early on, I would have been hurt by such a gift. Even if I hated it, I think something more personal would have been better.

But it WAS personal. The DIL loves the dog and the OP went out of her way to take what little she knows of the DIL to find a gift based on what she knows she loves... which is the dog. It's a very nice, thoughtful gift.

To be hurt by that is the ultimate in diva, spoiled behavior.

That's a little dramatic, PP. I can understand both OP's and the DIL's sides here. OP tried to get a gift that would be useful to a couple that doesn't have much money; the card will be helpful to them. But it's also kind of like giving DIL a gift basket filled with dog food, a collar, and a grooming brush...because that's the sort of thing you can buy with that gift card. So, it's useful, but it's not a gift *for her*.

[Anonymous]

Now that you spell it out it sounds even worse..... here's some dog food new DIL