new DIL didn't like my gift :(

[Anonymous]

OP here...in my defense, I did suggest to ds (before Christmas) that I might get a nice Kitchen Aid mixer for her, as mine and my moms also has been the workhorse of our kitchens. Plus I could order it online for them to pickup where they live. Ds informed me they had a mixer, (not a kitchenaid one). In retrospect I should have just got the nice one-but they are going to move after graduating next may and it's one more thing to move.

I guess what I'm feeling is-my MIL has given odd gifts to us for 20 years. Up to and including yesterday Dh and I have always smiled and said Thank You, and never even considered saying anything to her about it. So DS grew up with this example (we taught the kids the same, they got some wierd stuff but handwrote nice thank you notes to her). So what happened? In my family we just don't question others about gifts.

But I'm going to let it go and not mention it again. For safety from now on I'll just get them each the same gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, OP, it's a bit of a strange gift - you essentially gave a gift to your son and his dog and totally ignored your new daughter in law. Not cool. I'd suggest that you call and explain your reason for the gift.

I agree and early on, I would have been hurt by such a gift. Even if I hated it, I think something more personal would have been better.

But it WAS personal. The DIL loves the dog and the OP went out of her way to take what little she knows of the DIL to find a gift based on what she knows she loves... which is the dog. It's a very nice, thoughtful gift.

To be hurt by that is the ultimate in diva, spoiled behavior.[

Yep. The only way she should be unhappy is it she gave in to DH about getting a dog and is not truly a fan. Real dog people would be thrilled. So maybe there's a tension there OP doesn't know about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP here...in my defense, I did suggest to ds (before Christmas) that I might get a nice Kitchen Aid mixer for her, as mine and my moms also has been the workhorse of our kitchens. Plus I could order it online for them to pickup where they live. Ds informed me they had a mixer, (not a kitchenaid one). In retrospect I should have just got the nice one-but they are going to move after graduating next may and it's one more thing to move.

I guess what I'm feeling is-my MIL has given odd gifts to us for 20 years. Up to and including yesterday Dh and I have always smiled and said Thank You, and never even considered saying anything to her about it. So DS grew up with this example (we taught the kids the same, they got some wierd stuff but handwrote nice thank you notes to her). So what happened? In my family we just don't question others about gifts.

But I'm going to let it go and not mention it again. For safety from now on I'll just get them each the same gift.

I had for some reason envisioned this gift giving happening around the Christmas - Son gets a new pair of favorite jeans. Husband gets tickets to see a favorite sports team play. Daughter gets favorite perfume. New baby gets toys. DIL gets gift card for the dog.....huh?! "Uh, Thank you!!" (huh??).

Op - you did nothing wrong. Your heart was in the right place. Your son should have been more tactful.

[Anonymous]

^around the Christmas tree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP here...in my defense, I did suggest to ds (before Christmas) that I might get a nice Kitchen Aid mixer for her, as mine and my moms also has been the workhorse of our kitchens. Plus I could order it online for them to pickup where they live. Ds informed me they had a mixer, (not a kitchenaid one). In retrospect I should have just got the nice one-but they are going to move after graduating next may and it's one more thing to move.

I guess what I'm feeling is-my MIL has given odd gifts to us for 20 years. Up to and including yesterday Dh and I have always smiled and said Thank You, and never even considered saying anything to her about it. So DS grew up with this example (we taught the kids the same, they got some wierd stuff but handwrote nice thank you notes to her). So what happened? In my family we just don't question others about gifts.

But I'm going to let it go and not mention it again. For safety from now on I'll just get them each the same gift.

We would never complain about gifts in my family. It didn't stop my brother from repeating and blaming us for his wife's insane objections and tantrums in response to gifts.

[Anonymous]

Send money next time - one check for that can be used for anything - DS, DIL, recreation, essentials, loans, pet, house, car and yard.

Spare yourself the aggravation.

[Anonymous]

No gifts. Just take them out for a nice dinner. Done and done.

[Anonymous]

I would be THRILLED to receive a gift card for a pet store.

OP's son is an idiot to blab to his mother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would be THRILLED to receive a gift card for a pet store.

OP's son is an idiot to blab to his mother.

He and his GF deserve each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that you spell it out it sounds even worse..... here's some dog food new DIL

When we were first married, dog food/ dog items would have been very appreciated!

[Anonymous]

I think any adult should be able to handle the fact that gifts aren't always "for you". Eventually your home, family, etc. become the focus of gifts.

My ILs often gift me a small appliance, while they give DH clothing and more personal gifts. A small appliance is really something for the household, but the sentiment is there to give me a gift at all. Heck, they wiped DHs butt for years, they ought to know him better!

OP, your gift was sweet. Both your son and DIL have some growing up to do it sounds like.

[Anonymous]

I'd love a gift card to a good pet store.

I've also given my DIL everything from a load of hay to a magazine subscription. She likes everything, AFAIK. My son would let me know...

[Anonymous]

PP, you sound like a great MIL. I have horses and would love for my MIL to buy me a load of hay! A gift card to a pet or tack store would not be a gift for the animals, it's an indulgence for me! Would love it.

I don't understand this DIL at all. If she doesnt like it, she can use the gift card to buy dog food and the part of her budget usually used for dog food at that store to buy what she wants somewhere else. What fools these kids are to complain.

[Anonymous]

My MIL gave me a ceramic hen with measuring spoons for the kitchen.

My DH's ex wife use to collect hen figurines.

I think your gift was thoughtful and lovely, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, you sound like a great MIL. I have horses and would love for my MIL to buy me a load of hay! A gift card to a pet or tack store would not be a gift for the animals, it's an indulgence for me! Would love it.

I don't understand this DIL at all. If she doesnt like it, she can use the gift card to buy dog food and the part of her budget usually used for dog food at that store to buy what she wants somewhere else. What fools these kids are to complain.

+1. Tools and fools.