new DIL didn't like my gift :(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appliances make sense if it is for a known hobby of the recipient. But a random kitchen appliance may not be useful and may add to clutter in a small apartment.

DIL's pet is her hobby, so gc was not a random gift.

No, a pet is not a "hobby." You enjoy the company of your pet, but I certainly don't like scooping out cat litter, and it is definitely not my "hobby."

Ugh. Don't like OP. Stay far away from me, OP. Don't like your crazy-making type.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appliances make sense if it is for a known hobby of the recipient. But a random kitchen appliance may not be useful and may add to clutter in a small apartment.

DIL's pet is her hobby, so gc was not a random gift.

I was responding to pp who asked why appliances can't be for the individual.

But I did not get the sense that the dog was DIL's hobby. She may love her dog, but that doesn't mean she wants all gift-giving occasions to be chew toys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still side with DIL - of course she's hurt - you got your son a gift and you got the dog a gift - an animal you admittedly call your "grand-pet" that you love, but basically didn't get anything at all for DIL.

Note, she didn't mention a thing to you. Your son did. I imagine her feelings would be pretty hurt if she even said something to him.

I would be hurt if my mil bought my husband something for himself and gave me a gift card to buybuybaby to spend on my kids. Now, maybe I don't love them as much as dog people love dogs, but no matter how great a stroller or outfit or backyard toy is, it's not for me.

Op again-my mom and I were just talking about this yesterday. Now, I would be thrilled to get a buybuybaby card-I would splurge on something fancy for baby that I might otherwise not have. My mom likes things like that too. She pointed out that maybe not everyone is like us, and maybe would have wanted something just for them. So I guess that is a possibility here.

I didn't get her the clothes card because I thought that might look like 'I thought you looked raggedty so get some new stuff'. Ds DID look like that hahaha so I got that for him.

So many landmines in these situations!

As far as DS, I worry...it's out of character for him to have said something at all. I hope he wanted to tell me this stuff, and wasn't made or guilted into it. We've always been close, and I am very supportive of him. Like I said, I am letting it go and will act like nothing happened. I do understand that DIL and I probably are not going to be close, sadly, but I will always act nice. I think that is what my DS would prefer.

... OP you are very manipulative and you got just what you wanted which is discord between DS and DIL. Now its the poor me -- I hope SD wasn't forced to complain about my awfully inappropriate gift, because we are so close that DIL would not mind a gift for DS and the DOG. DIL ranks lower than the family et is the subliminal message.

I totally agree. Op, you are a sneaky one. And with this line,

I didn't get her the clothes card because I thought that might look like 'I thought you looked raggedty so get some new stuff'.

Really???

So, if you get someone perfume, they might think you think they smell? Jewelers means what, they re too plain? A nice sweater? Oh yeah, they look raggedy. I don't buy your innocent act.

[Anonymous]

Op, that was not a good gift to give your dil. It's really a gift for the pet and your son as well as her, yet your son got his own gift.

But your son should not have said anything.

My guess is, money is tight, and they are young an immature, and dil wanted to use the clothes gift card to buy something for herself or use their own money to buy more clothes and son said no, the gift card is his, and dil said well the other card is for the pet!! Or your dil mad a joke or offhand comment about the pet getting a gift but not her.

I would also guess that she would NOT have wanted your son to say anything to you, but he did because he wanted to blame the fight on you or something.

[Anonymous]

OP-update here. Apparently, DS and DIL went shopping over the weekend and the petstore I got her the card to was in the area. They went in and shopped, and she found something she loves for the pet (is it her hobby? I dont know, but she has a facebook page just for the pet...), so in the end, she is happy with her gift.

I'm SO glad! I didn't ask about whose idea it was to say something to me in the first place, I'm just so glad that she's happy with the gift, which was given with all good intent. Yea!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP-update here. Apparently, DS and DIL went shopping over the weekend and the petstore I got her the card to was in the area. They went in and shopped, and she found something she loves for the pet (is it her hobby? I dont know, but she has a facebook page just for the pet...), so in the end, she is happy with her gift.

I'm SO glad! I didn't ask about whose idea it was to say something to me in the first place, I'm just so glad that she's happy with the gift, which was given with all good intent. Yea!

No, I think your DIL is being gracious and relayed the 411 that she "likes" the gift. Are you clairvoyant? No--some little birdie told you that your DIL likes the gift after all. If so, she sounds fairly easygoing. Good for the two of you--if you give crappy gifts, then you are going to need a DIL like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP-update here. Apparently, DS and DIL went shopping over the weekend and the petstore I got her the card to was in the area. They went in and shopped, and she found something she loves for the pet (is it her hobby? I dont know, but she has a facebook page just for the pet...), so in the end, she is happy with her gift.

I'm SO glad! I didn't ask about whose idea it was to say something to me in the first place, I'm just so glad that she's happy with the gift, which was given with all good intent. Yea!

No, I think your DIL is being gracious and relayed the 411 that she "likes" the gift. Are you clairvoyant? No--some little birdie told you that your DIL likes the gift after all. If so, she sounds fairly easygoing. Good for the two of you--if you give crappy gifts, then you are going to need a DIL like that.

This is the PP. I don't mean to sound unduly pissy. You may very well have given the gift with no ill-intent whatsoever, subconcious or otherwise. But DIL initially didn't like the gift, and she's not off the wall for thinking it either. Some people miss more often than not with gift giving. Maybe you will get better once you know her better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Appliances make sense if it is for a known hobby of the recipient. But a random kitchen appliance may not be useful and may add to clutter in a small apartment.

DIL's pet is her hobby, so gc was not a random gift.

No, a pet is not a "hobby." You enjoy the company of your pet, but I certainly don't like scooping out cat litter, and it is definitely not my "hobby."

Ugh. Don't like OP. Stay far away from me, OP. Don't like your crazy-making type.

This is such a weird comment.
-your cat did not just appear from out of nowhere, you made a choice to get a cat. How's it different from any other hobby?

-You come to OP's thread, bully her, and proceed to tell her to stay away from you. I am sure she (and many others) would gladly stay away from you, but you just don't give us a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: OP-update here. Apparently, DS and DIL went shopping over the weekend and the petstore I got her the card to was in the area. They went in and shopped, and she found something she loves for the pet (is it her hobby? I dont know, but she has a facebook page just for the pet...), so in the end, she is happy with her gift.

I'm SO glad! I didn't ask about whose idea it was to say something to me in the first place, I'm just so glad that she's happy with the gift, which was given with all good intent. Yea!

No, I think your DIL is being gracious and relayed the 411 that she "likes" the gift. Are you clairvoyant? No--some little birdie told you that your DIL likes the gift after all. If so, she sounds fairly easygoing. Good for the two of you--if you give crappy gifts, then you are going to need a DIL like that.

Umm, we have Skype, so they and us (me and dh and kids) talked. No little birdies or clairvoyance involved. They seem happy and pet is happy too-maybe she thought about it and decided to just have fun shopping, which was the point of the gift. Maybe she's an awesome actress, I don't know but I'll take her at her word.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I see right through you, OP.
I kind of sided with you on the first post...maybe it was an oversight, unintentional, whatever. But your follow up posts show how manipulative and passive aggressive you are.

You're trying so hard to be seen as the victim "they have no money...I just went to help them...they don't need to give me anything." Oh come on. There is absolutely more to this situation that you haven't divulged.

You're in your 40's, you're not an elderly MIL who doesn't "get it." Household appliances are for the family, not the individual. And that includes pet supplies and kitchen-aids. You're not trying to make this right, you're trying to hear how right you and how rude your DIL is. Seems like you aren't interested in making this relationship with her work.

+1

The dog gift is just freaking terrible. I'm sure as she buys the weekly dog food she'll be thrilled....

You're lucky your son told you so you can fix it. Just do so graciously and without making him regret trying to improve your relationship with his wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP-update here. Apparently, DS and DIL went shopping over the weekend and the petstore I got her the card to was in the area. They went in and shopped, and she found something she loves for the pet (is it her hobby? I dont know, but she has a facebook page just for the pet...), so in the end, she is happy with her gift.

I'm SO glad! I didn't ask about whose idea it was to say something to me in the first place, I'm just so glad that she's happy with the gift, which was given with all good intent. Yea!

The gift sucks. Your son probably made her post that BS because you we defensive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: OP-update here. Apparently, DS and DIL went shopping over the weekend and the petstore I got her the card to was in the area. They went in and shopped, and she found something she loves for the pet (is it her hobby? I dont know, but she has a facebook page just for the pet...), so in the end, she is happy with her gift.

I'm SO glad! I didn't ask about whose idea it was to say something to me in the first place, I'm just so glad that she's happy with the gift, which was given with all good intent. Yea!

aw she has the gift card so she will use but this doesn't mean her feeling wasn't hurt in the first place.

[Anonymous]

OK, OP just said that DIL has a Facebook page just for the pet. DIL is obviously attention seeking for and through this animal. That context makes OP's gift understandable in my book.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, OP just said that DIL has a Facebook page just for the pet. DIL is obviously attention seeking for and through this animal. That context makes OP's gift understandable in my book.

my sister has a FB page for her cat. It is a joke!