Help me feel less bitter about my families new Christmas tradition

[Anonymous]

What I don't understand us why it matters what your parents do. We sometimes go visit family during the Holidays. We leave either Christmas afternoon or the day after. We insist on being in our home on Christmas Eve/Morning. Our families have nothing to do with what we do for Christmas.

Create your own traditions with your family. Let the grandparents do what they choose to do.

[Anonymous]

OP, I can relate because my siblings also had children much earlier in life than I did. I spent years and years traveling to see them for Christmas and buying gifts for every last kid. Now I have small children and we go up for New Years so that we can spend our own Christmas together. They are always invited to join us, but don't like to travel much. However, we have created our own traditions at home and I love waking up and having a lazy Christmas morning with just our kids.

You need to let go of your sadness about the way you grew up or the way you wish things would be and make your own way. You've already seen that they will change traditions to suit themselves, so you're foolish to keep trying to force them to change back. Soon some of the cousins will marry or move away and they won't be participating, either. So you're better off developing your own traditions that you can keep going for a while.

[Anonymous]

OP, I understand what you want. You want to spend Christmas with your family in Colorado, and still have some “normal” Christmas traditions (tree, presents, etc.). It’s not hard for me to understand.

In some ways, I’m in the same boat. I’m the youngest, and I waited until my late 30s to have kids. My family is also in Colorado, and we had big Christmases – not expensive, but loud and fun. One my side of the family, all my nieces and nephews are older and completely disinterested in hanging out with my 5 and 7 year olds. Which I can understand – most 20 year olds want to be hanging out with friends. It’s just sad to me that my kids don’t get the cousin experience. But honestly, they don’t know any different so they don’t perceive that they are “missing” anything. On my husband’s side, he has one brother whose children are closer in age – 14 and 11. They live about 2 hours away. But his brother and his wife are going through some marital issues and have not been pleasant to be around for a while.

I understand wanting your kids to have the same experiences. But they won’t. And their experiences are not better or worse – just different. As others have put it, the Christmas you make for them will be their warm and fuzzy memories.

You could always rent a hotel room (like a large executive suite), or get a vacation rental condo or townhome and do the whole tree and gifts thing there. Even invite the brothers and sisters and cousins. Your parents wouldn’t don’t have to host it. And I’m sure at least some of your family would join in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you what really happened: OP' s parents have no money left, they had to spend their remaining little cash on healthcare costs and are now living on social security.

They reframed this for their family as an epiphany after fathers illness .

Now this is all fine, but just adds to the OP's fantastical thinking about her family and not accepting the reality of the past or present

This is in line with what I am thinking too. OP you've gotten a lot of good suggestions. Either take them and enjoy or stop complaining. This is YOUR life to live. If you want your kids to have some of the traditions of Christmas, then make it happen for them in whatever way makes sense...staying home and travelling later, getting to your parents early enough to buy and decorate a tree, whatever. Make your life the way you want it and stop complaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you what really happened: OP' s parents have no money left, they had to spend their remaining little cash on healthcare costs and are now living on social security.

They reframed this for their family as an epiphany after fathers illness .

Now this is all fine, but just adds to the OP's fantastical thinking about her family and not accepting the reality of the past or present

Accept this is not true. My parents would really have to fuck up to lose all their money. They still live in a multimillion dollar home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you what really happened: OP' s parents have no money left, they had to spend their remaining little cash on healthcare costs and are now living on social security.

They reframed this for their family as an epiphany after fathers illness .

Now this is all fine, but just adds to the OP's fantastical thinking about her family and not accepting the reality of the past or present

Accept this is not true. My parents would really have to fuck up to lose all their money. They still live in a multimillion dollar home.

Doesn't mean they're not out of disposable cash.


OR it could be that they realized they raised spoiled, entitled brats and are trying to fix the situation while they're still around to do so...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you what really happened: OP' s parents have no money left, they had to spend their remaining little cash on healthcare costs and are now living on social security.

They reframed this for their family as an epiphany after fathers illness .

Now this is all fine, but just adds to the OP's fantastical thinking about her family and not accepting the reality of the past or present

Accept this is not true. My parents would really have to fuck up to lose all their money. They still live in a multimillion dollar home.

And yet they won't put up a tree or give gifts to your THREE YEAR OLDS. The PP who mentioned fantastical thinking is spot on. You need to wake up and reconcile yourself to the new normal. Get your kids some damn presents and travel out to visit the grandparents later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to make your own traditions at home. I can understand both sides of this. Can you do your own Christmas however you want at your home then join the family in the afternoon?

My parents live in Colorado and we fly down for a week each year. We can do it at our house but it would be way before or after.

So do not go until after Xmas. Have Xmas at your house, fly out 26 or 27, stay for New Years.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why you can't have traditions at your home like most people, and alternate between those and Christmas at your parents (at least you don't have to add in a third rotation at your in-laws). Or are you still angling for the inheritance?!

You know, this is such a non-issue, OP.
Congratulations on your father's recovery.

[Anonymous]

"Hi, Mom and Dad! Now that the twins are three, we're realizing we want to start some new holiday traditions for them. Christmas Eve we're going to decorate this pre-made gingerbread house. Anyone who wants to help (or to eat some candy!) can join us. Christmas morning we'll do some Santa presents and a lazy breakfast for the kids, but we'll join you at the soup kitchen for the noontime shift. Then we're going to head back to read some Christmas stories at home. Saturday we're going ice skating--any nieces and nephews want to join us?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Hi, Mom and Dad! Now that the twins are three, we're realizing we want to start some new holiday traditions for them. Christmas Eve we're going to decorate this pre-made gingerbread house. Anyone who wants to help (or to eat some candy!) can join us. Christmas morning we'll do some Santa presents and a lazy breakfast for the kids, but we'll join you at the soup kitchen for the noontime shift. Then we're going to head back to read some Christmas stories at home. Saturday we're going ice skating--any nieces and nephews want to join us?"

Yup this. And if this doesn't work, I like the idea of staying home and flying out on the 26th. I get it OP, you just want the Christmas the rest of us are having with our kids.

[Anonymous]

Agree with PPs that you need to do what you want for your family. Even if you fly out Christmas evening (We flew to CO on Christmas day last year and the plane was full - plenty of people travel on Christmas) so that you can have Christmas eve and Christmas day at home. Or just celebrate before you go. Growing up we spent most Christmases skiing and celebrated "Christmas" at home before we left. I have good memories of those Christmases even if they were celebrated on the 21st rather than the 25th. There is no evidence that Jesus was actually born on Christmas day anyway so Christmas is already a day picked to celebrate an event.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you what really happened: OP' s parents have no money left, they had to spend their remaining little cash on healthcare costs and are now living on social security.

They reframed this for their family as an epiphany after fathers illness .

Now this is all fine, but just adds to the OP's fantastical thinking about her family and not accepting the reality of the past or present

Accept this is not true. My parents would really have to fuck up to lose all their money. They still live in a multimillion dollar home.

Wait a minute now
In your original post you said they downsized their home and sold off 75% of their stuff. You are kidding yourself OP

[Anonymous]

You have to make Christmas what you want for your own family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me tell you what really happened: OP' s parents have no money left, they had to spend their remaining little cash on healthcare costs and are now living on social security.

They reframed this for their family as an epiphany after fathers illness .

Now this is all fine, but just adds to the OP's fantastical thinking about her family and not accepting the reality of the past or present

Accept this is not true. My parents would really have to fuck up to lose all their money. They still live in a multimillion dollar home.

And yet they won't put up a tree or give gifts to your THREE YEAR OLDS. The PP who mentioned fantastical thinking is spot on. You need to wake up and reconcile yourself to the new normal. Get your kids some damn presents and travel out to visit the grandparents later.

Pretty sure spending 100k on Christmas and then having to downsize and sell of 75% of your goods is the definition of "fucking up with money "