Help me feel less bitter about my families new Christmas tradition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've gotten lots of good suggestions and you keep shooting them down. If you want a change, change things! If not, stop complaining!

Agreed! There can be no change without some sort of compromise! Staying home and flying out the day after Christmas seems incredibly reasonable and many families do this and yet you seem to want to reject every idea

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you've gotten lots of good suggestions and you keep shooting them down. If you want a change, change things! If not, stop complaining!

Yes, OP, you have to have the gonads to make a choice for yourself and your family. Someone will be unhappy with it and they'll just have to deal but you will have done what you need to do for your family. While I admire your parents for changing their lifestyle in a productive way, it sounds like they're a bit controlling over what you do for your family and that's not healthy. You need to be the grownup now and push back in a way that makes sense for you - whether it's insisting on bringing presents for the kids to open, going after Christmas, or not going at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I must say I love the idea of doing something for other on Christmas day and this will be truly good for your kid (more than seeing some waste extravaganza IMO) but I see what you mean.

I never care too much about a specific day which always helps me in this type of situation.

I would do it BEFORE going to your parents' house. Have a nice meal and gift exchange at your place with some toys that the kids can bring along for the trip.

This. We're flying to my parents' house tomorrow and can't bring there and back gifts for my son, so we just had Santa come early on Saturday night. We did our xmas morning on Sunday. Then we'll do xmas day at my parents' place. No biggie.

[Anonymous]

I would be sad if my child didn't have a little but of a traditinal Christmas as well. Have you talked to your parents about it? Beyond just wanting to do gifts for the kids? You have three days and could easily pull together a small tree, cookies, and a few presents. Just talk pebbly to your parents and siblings. If after a true communication, they are not willing to see your side, then you can switch your travel plans up next year.

[Anonymous]

Openly not pebbly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, it is really sad that your poor kids will only experience a Christmas that centers around the important things in life. Please reread your original post and think it over.

And what do *you* do for Christmas?

I assume your kids don't get gifts either.

[Anonymous]

The Christmas you guys used to have sounds extreme. It's up to you to make Christmas how you want for your kids. I can relate though about them not having relationships with cousins. My kids are much younger than other kids in the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The Christmas you guys used to have sounds extreme. It's up to you to make Christmas how you want for your kids. I can relate though about them not having relationships with cousins. My kids are much younger than other kids in the family.

It was extreme and I do NOT want it like that for my kids. I do however want a smidgen of tradition.

[Anonymous]

We had the same discussion a couple of years ago with family. Nothing was ever over the top, but one of my siblings decided they didn't want go swap names anymore and everyone else needed to do the same. We stay here now and go up to see family after the 25th. It 's nice to wake up in your own house on Christmas morning and start your own traditions.

I know some people do Christmas morning a week early.

If your family won't let you do Christmas and there is pressure for you to be there specifically on Christmas morning, they need to let go of one or the other or you need to just do the things you want for your kids.

It is hard to merge relationships and traditions with siblings who had kids at different ages than you. On the opposite end, I would often find myself frustrated when my siblings would want to hi to a fancy restaurant at 7pm with my two year old.

[Anonymous]

I'm surprised that after many years of their kids getting presents from you (I assume), your siblings now have no interest whatsoever in giving presents for your kids. Your family sounds like they don't like you very much.

[Anonymous]

OP, this sounds really weird to me and I totally get why you'd feel miffed.

You still have little kids. The rest of the family is still getting together and doing an "older kid/adult" Christmas but you still want the trappings of CHristmas morning/Sant (maybe)/ tree/stockings etc. for your kids. It just seems really weird to me that your parents don't see that.

And guess what... when your siblings kids start having kids your SIBLINGS for sure are going to want to bring back the Christmas morning traditions!

Your parents have CHANGED the traditions on you. I think you have every right to nicely point that out. "Hey, Christmas traditions are a very big deal to me and I want my kids to have a tree, exchange gifts etc."

Your family is unlikely to change, though. I don't think you are going to be able to institute a gift exchange among cousins at this point. If you wish to travel, I would suggest doing Christmas morning at home. There's really no reason to travel for CHristmas eve with your parents is there? If they aren't following your traditions, why both? You can volunteer at home, after all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that after many years of their kids getting presents from you (I assume), your siblings now have no interest whatsoever in giving presents for your kids. Your family sounds like they don't like you very much.

I think we are just overlooked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I must say I love the idea of doing something for other on Christmas day and this will be truly good for your kid (more than seeing some waste extravaganza IMO) but I see what you mean.

I never care too much about a specific day which always helps me in this type of situation.

I would do it BEFORE going to your parents' house. Have a nice meal and gift exchange at your place with some toys that the kids can bring along for the trip.

This. We're flying to my parents' house tomorrow and can't bring there and back gifts for my son, so we just had Santa come early on Saturday night. We did our xmas morning on Sunday. Then we'll do xmas day at my parents' place. No biggie.

This is a great idea...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm surprised that after many years of their kids getting presents from you (I assume), your siblings now have no interest whatsoever in giving presents for your kids. Your family sounds like they don't like you very much.

I think we are just overlooked.

Or, maybe they all appreciate the new traditions and feel like you're being a spoiled brat about it. Still missing why you can't have gifts with your own kids at home if that's so important to you? You're the mom of your own family- make whatever Christmas you want.

[Anonymous]

Let me tell you what really happened: OP' s parents have no money left, they had to spend their remaining little cash on healthcare costs and are now living on social security.

They reframed this for their family as an epiphany after fathers illness .

Now this is all fine, but just adds to the OP's fantastical thinking about her family and not accepting the reality of the past or present