Help me feel less bitter about my families new Christmas tradition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Huh. My kids are 7 and 4 and we're in the midst of refocusing on what Christmas is about- spending time with our family. I wish when my kids were 3 that I gave them a Xmas like we will be doing this year because then this wouldn't appear to hem to be reigning in. Most likely it won't anyway, but no one wants their kids to be disappointed on Xmas. Of course, they are still getting lots of gifts and we're following the same traditions, just on a scale that fits more in line with our values. Honestly, kids (particularly at 3) are no more excited by 50 gifts than they are by 10. If any are like my one DD, they will get sick of unwrapping about 5.

That said, you don't need your parents to give your kids an over the top Xmas. I think your family's new tradition sounds wonderful and you shouldn't disrupt it. You should just do Xmas the way you want T your house as invite them over.

And I will state for the fourth time I do not want an over the top Christmas for my children. I want a traditional Christmas on a much smaller scale while incorporating the volunteering.

Ok, then what do you think of the (numerous) suggestions that you (1) bring gifts for your kids or (2) have Xmas at home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this so hard? You have three three-year-olds! No trip to Colorado; make your own family traditions that include whatever you want. As a family of triplets, your Christmases will be plenty busy and loud even without a ridiculous number of cousins. Find other ways to be connected to your siblings, etc, because they have aged out of the little kid Christmas phase.

Because I love my family and want to see them. I don't want to be he only sibling who doesn't go.

Then invite them to your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this so hard? You have three three-year-olds! No trip to Colorado; make your own family traditions that include whatever you want. As a family of triplets, your Christmases will be plenty busy and loud even without a ridiculous number of cousins. Find other ways to be connected to your siblings, etc, because they have aged out of the little kid Christmas phase.

Because I love my family and want to see them. I don't want to be he only sibling who doesn't go.

Can you just shorten the trip by a few days?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this so hard? You have three three-year-olds! No trip to Colorado; make your own family traditions that include whatever you want. As a family of triplets, your Christmases will be plenty busy and loud even without a ridiculous number of cousins. Find other ways to be connected to your siblings, etc, because they have aged out of the little kid Christmas phase.

Because I love my family and want to see them. I don't want to be he only sibling who doesn't go.

Can you just shorten the trip by a few days?

Or see them the day after Xmas?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this so hard? You have three three-year-olds! No trip to Colorado; make your own family traditions that include whatever you want. As a family of triplets, your Christmases will be plenty busy and loud even without a ridiculous number of cousins. Find other ways to be connected to your siblings, etc, because they have aged out of the little kid Christmas phase.

Because I love my family and want to see them. I don't want to be he only sibling who doesn't go.

Then invite them to your house.

I have four older siblings, all together they have 11 children and two grandchildren. Not to mention aunts and uncles...more extended families. We can't have 30+ people in our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this so hard? You have three three-year-olds! No trip to Colorado; make your own family traditions that include whatever you want. As a family of triplets, your Christmases will be plenty busy and loud even without a ridiculous number of cousins. Find other ways to be connected to your siblings, etc, because they have aged out of the little kid Christmas phase.

Because I love my family and want to see them. I don't want to be he only sibling who doesn't go.

Can you just shorten the trip by a few days?

Possibly, but I feel like I'm defying the traditions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this so hard? You have three three-year-olds! No trip to Colorado; make your own family traditions that include whatever you want. As a family of triplets, your Christmases will be plenty busy and loud even without a ridiculous number of cousins. Find other ways to be connected to your siblings, etc, because they have aged out of the little kid Christmas phase.

Because I love my family and want to see them. I don't want to be he only sibling who doesn't go.

Then invite them to your house.

I have four older siblings, all together they have 11 children and two grandchildren. Not to mention aunts and uncles...more extended families. We can't have 30+ people in our house.

They can stay in a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I say this with love and understanding (and the child of rich parents)

You are missing the meaning of family and Christmas. No, I'm not religious at all - but you can find joy for your children without a 100K Christmas. Big family is still together, have a wonderful time together and bring presents. Make new traditions.

This was my thought as well. Yes, your kids are missing out on a child-centered Christmas and maybe you want to address that but you don't have to spend 10s of thousands of dollars to get that.

BTW, my dd is much younger than her cousins and she has always missed out on having cousins to hang out with at family events. But that's just the way things go. She has survived. Your kids will, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Then you have to make it for them, OP.

I'm guessing you can't take 3 year olds to a soup kitchen. Can you strategize with your parents or a sympathetic sibling about having a family meal together either that evening or the weekend before or after Christmas for the extended family time?

They do go to the soup kitchen and have since last Christmas. We don't stay the whole time but people do like to see children there.

We are at my parents for about six days, and DH family lives out of the country. That is our Christmas. I've mentioned doing small gifts for the kids but that was met with a face that said, "nope".

PP here.

Pick a year and stay home with your kids. Make Christmas the way you want it, then fly out the next day to see your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this so hard? You have three three-year-olds! No trip to Colorado; make your own family traditions that include whatever you want. As a family of triplets, your Christmases will be plenty busy and loud even without a ridiculous number of cousins. Find other ways to be connected to your siblings, etc, because they have aged out of the little kid Christmas phase.

Because I love my family and want to see them. I don't want to be he only sibling who doesn't go.

Can you just shorten the trip by a few days?

Possibly, but I feel like I'm defying the traditions.

Look, OP, I get why you're upset -- that would be disappointing, although I suspect much of the disappointment is not actually related to Xmas, but rather to the fact that you think you're kids are getting shafted by your family because they are so much younger generally. However, you cannot force your parents to change their new traditions for you.

If you've already talked to your parents about this (and I mean straight out, not vaguely wishing for a gift exchange and backing off when you get a "nope" face, but saying "Mom, I love our new traditions, but I'd like my kids to experience some of the traditional trappings of Xmas. Can we bring back some of that, like the tree, lights and a small gift exchange?") then there's not much else you can do. You can only control your own actions. So that's what has to change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time to make your own traditions at home. I can understand both sides of this. Can you do your own Christmas however you want at your home then join the family in the afternoon?

My parents live in Colorado and we fly down for a week each year. We can do it at our house but it would be way before or after.

Maybe you should stay home for Christmas and fly to see your parents immediately after Christmas. It's okay to arrange the holidays in a way that suits your family.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it is really sad that your poor kids will only experience a Christmas that centers around the important things in life. Please reread your original post and think it over.

[Anonymous]

I must say I love the idea of doing something for other on Christmas day and this will be truly good for your kid (more than seeing some waste extravaganza IMO) but I see what you mean.

I never care too much about a specific day which always helps me in this type of situation.

I would do it BEFORE going to your parents' house. Have a nice meal and gift exchange at your place with some toys that the kids can bring along for the trip.

[Anonymous]

OP, you've gotten lots of good suggestions and you keep shooting them down. If you want a change, change things! If not, stop complaining!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this so hard? You have three three-year-olds! No trip to Colorado; make your own family traditions that include whatever you want. As a family of triplets, your Christmases will be plenty busy and loud even without a ridiculous number of cousins. Find other ways to be connected to your siblings, etc, because they have aged out of the little kid Christmas phase.

Because I love my family and want to see them. I don't want to be he only sibling who doesn't go.

Can you just shorten the trip by a few days?

Possibly, but I feel like I'm defying the traditions.

You're what, 42 years old? It's really ok to change things up a little.