Grandchildren litter bias. Nurture or Nature...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, PPs are giving you good reasons/advice.

I'll also add that a 5-hr drive is MUCH easier than a 9-hr drive. I can make a 5-hr drive any weekend (my parents live 5 hrs away and we make that trip often so the kids can see grandma and grandpa). A 9-hr drive takes a lot more planning since the drive takes essentially the entire day. That drive is a bear if you're young and healthy. If you're old and in pain, or have failing eyesight or health, you are not going to be able to make that drive. And a plane ride is tough for those on fixed incomes.

Despite this, my siblings live in my parents' hometown and therefore get free care and their kids get more presents/treats/time with my parents. They get more "treats" and time with grandma, but I don't really want to move back to my hometown, so there you have it.

We are a 24-hr trip away from the other set of grandparents so of course they aren't as close to my kids as they are to the cousins who live in the same country as them. They see my kids once a year. We are the ones who reach out for face time/Skype and call on birthdays.

This doesn't bother me -- I'm sort of wondering whether you could work on your feelings instead of being hurt by something you can't change (your in-laws' ages, the distance, the fact they have known your nephews for almost two decades longer, etc). It is what it is. Acceptance of the things you can't change -- and not keeping score -- are key to enjoying life as much as possible.

Wise words.

[Anonymous]

I agree with this being a very normal situation. My SIL had 1 daughter who is 17 years old. Our kids are young. My MIL doesn't "get" our 9 and 4 year olds. She wants to sit around a table and talk about the past which is very hard for our kids. Their relationship with our kids is strained at best. With my SIL'S kid she basically helped raise her and is very close to her. She is taking the 17 year old back to disney this year for the 4th time and has never taken our girls anywhere. She buys the older gchild expensive presents and gives ours small trinkets. We understand that my MIL is much older and simply not as interested in little kids anymore. We also realize that she is not as close to us as she is to her daughter because of distance and because we have our own way of raising our kids that she thinks is "new age" (think not spanking, education being important for girls). We are fine with the situation. It's not optimal but it is fine.

[Anonymous]

I believe your feeling are very justified. Having said that, she is just not that into you, hubby or kids. Dont play into her oh woe is me bullshit. I think grandparents tend be closer to the daughters kids most times. I have the same thing here. I(female) my parents call on bdays,, etc, very engaged with the kids. Hubbys parents suck, and these are their only grandkids, and they wont be having anymore. The kids are now all teens, and they want nothing to do with them. You have to invest in kids when they are young. Its their loss, dont worry about it.