husband won't go to church

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A marriage in a mainstream Protestant church is valid enough to require annulment in the Catholic church. For example, let us say that OP's husband divorced her and wanted to remarry in the Catholic church. That first marriage in the Protestant church would have to be annulled first before he could remarry in the Catholic church.

We don't know the circumstances here. However, if OP's husband had a past of practicing Catholicism that he fell out of, as many do in their late teens and twenties, he could well be having regrets about agreeing to raise the children Protestant.

OP has even suggested this may be the case. This could be the reason for his current passive aggressive stance on going to church. For some Catholics, Protestantism is but a pale imitation of Catholicism and not worth the effort. Perhaps OP should ask him outright if this is the case.

Sounds like a pretty convoluted explanation for DH's behavior - and an attempt to paint him as a Catholic who regrets his lapse and will eventually find his way back into the fold. I doubt it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A marriage in a mainstream Protestant church is valid enough to require annulment in the Catholic church. For example, let us say that OP's husband divorced her and wanted to remarry in the Catholic church. That first marriage in the Protestant church would have to be annulled first before he could remarry in the Catholic church.

We don't know the circumstances here. However, if OP's husband had a past of practicing Catholicism that he fell out of, as many do in their late teens and twenties, he could well be having regrets about agreeing to raise the children Protestant.

OP has even suggested this may be the case. This could be the reason for his current passive aggressive stance on going to church. For some Catholics, Protestantism is but a pale imitation of Catholicism and not worth the effort. Perhaps OP should ask him outright if this is the case.

Sounds like a pretty convoluted explanation for DH's behavior - and an attempt to paint him as a Catholic who regrets his lapse and will eventually find his way back into the fold. I doubt it.

OP suggested this herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have. He's Catholic and was practicing until we left DC shortly after our wedding. Now he has a choice of two Catholic churches and doesn't like either. Won't attend a Protestant church - "too early". I suppose it's most likely more than that.

He sounds like a hypocrite who needs to stop harping on you for not being "devout" while skipping out on services

^^ the voice of indoctrination^^

NP. Don't get this comment and kind of agreed with the hypocrite poster, even though I'm an Atheist leaning agnostic, because I got the impression the OP's DH was saying one thing and his actions were saying another. ("You're not devout enough" + not practicing a religion one self seems fairly hypocritical.)

That said my recommendation to OP is to *talk* about this issue with her husband. Point out - gently - that his words and actions don't seem to match, and she want's to understand how he feels and thinks about this issues. Try to do it without judging or getting defensive or anything else - try to just listen and understand your spouse.

Once both parties actually know each other's real position then you can work on a family compromise, and feel free to be sad if your spouse's point of view doesn't match your ideal version of how you wish they would think.

But it's very hard to move forward when the actual issue is obscured and the 2 parties aren't having the same conversation. It's that good old scientific method at work: the very first step is to identify the question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have. He's Catholic and was practicing until we left DC shortly after our wedding. Now he has a choice of two Catholic churches and doesn't like either. Won't attend a Protestant church - "too early". I suppose it's most likely more than that.

He sounds like a hypocrite who needs to stop harping on you for not being "devout" while skipping out on services

^^ the voice of indoctrination^^

NP. Don't get this comment and kind of agreed with the hypocrite poster, even though I'm an Atheist leaning agnostic, because I got the impression the OP's DH was saying one thing and his actions were saying another. ("You're not devout enough" + not practicing a religion one self seems fairly hypocritical.)

That said my recommendation to OP is to *talk* about this issue with her husband. Point out - gently - that his words and actions don't seem to match, and she want's to understand how he feels and thinks about this issues. Try to do it without judging or getting defensive or anything else - try to just listen and understand your spouse.

Once both parties actually know each other's real position then you can work on a family compromise, and feel free to be sad if your spouse's point of view doesn't match your ideal version of how you wish they would think.

But it's very hard to move forward when the actual issue is obscured and the 2 parties aren't having the same conversation. It's that good old scientific method at work: the very first step is to identify the question.

Good response--this is a problem of marital communication.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is an answer to your original post as I haven't read all responses.

It is not your business whether he goes to church or doesn't go to church.

This is a very personal decision. And it is his decision, completely, to make.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably for the better. I can't see a marriage between a devout Catholic and a doctrinaire atheist as one made in heaven, so to speak.

yeah probably - though her reason was less about how the church saw our potential marriage and more regarding kids being brought up in the catholic way with parents producing a united front (instead of differing philosophies).

i never tried to push my views on her though - her relationship with her faith made a large part of who she was and i found that attractive so obviously i didn't have an issue with her faith.