husband won't go to church

[Anonymous]

Now that I'm verbalizing it, I honestly wonder if he's backing out on our agreement to raise our children Protestant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly be more apt to do that if he wasn't harping on me about not being devout enough.

Then tell him to put up or shut up. And remind him that God is watching his behavior too.

^^ Pay no mind. This is probably a strongly religious person or a strongly non-religious person just trying to stir up trouble.

Wrong, neither. It's one thing if OP was harping at her husband to go to church and he wasn't interested. It's totally different if he doesn't go and is telling her she's not being religious enough and is "doing it wrong" when he's not doing jack. So throw it in his face.

pp obviously doesn't know that saying "God is watching you" is an extremely religious, guilt-inducing thing to say that bespeaks a religious upbringing based on fearing God and not on loving or being loved by Him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would honestly be more apt to do that if he wasn't harping on me about not being devout enough.

Then tell him to put up or shut up. And remind him that God is watching his behavior too.

^^ Pay no mind. This is probably a strongly religious person or a strongly non-religious person just trying to stir up trouble.

Wrong, neither. It's one thing if OP was harping at her husband to go to church and he wasn't interested. It's totally different if he doesn't go and is telling her she's not being religious enough and is "doing it wrong" when he's not doing jack. So throw it in his face.

pp obviously doesn't know that saying "God is watching you" is an extremely religious, guilt-inducing thing to say that bespeaks a religious upbringing based on fearing God and not on loving or being loved by Him.

OP here. I took it as more of a relationship comment than a religious one. No offense taken here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go with a friend. My H does not go either, it's called freedom of religion.

NP, but huh?? That's a political and legal term.

OP couldn't have her husband arrested for not going to church, but she could make his life miserable, as another poster recommends, by guilt-tripping him.

[Anonymous]

Advice?
Stop trying to change the behavior of someone else. The only person you can change is yourself. Your only choices are to either let him be and be okay with it or determine it's a deal breaker and leave him. Pick one and be okay wih it. There is no in between. If you're looking for some magical argument to present to him to get him to change, you're not going to find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Advice?
Stop trying to change the behavior of someone else. The only person you can change is yourself. Your only choices are to either let him be and be okay with it or determine it's a deal breaker and leave him. Pick one and be okay wih it. There is no in between. If you're looking for some magical argument to present to him to get him to change, you're not going to find it.

But there's nothing wrong with trying to influence your spouse, to offer them the option of seeing something in a different light than whatever comes naturally to them. However, it sounds like OP has tried this and DH has made his desires pretty clear.

OP - you might also consider asking him directly, in a non-demanding way, if he has other reasons, besides "too early" for not wanting to go to church. He might be going through a change that he hesitates to discuss with you because he fears you will not be understanding. Perhaps he is questioning/doubting religion in general, not just Catholicism.

[Anonymous]

He just doesn't care about it that much. This is normal for me though. My mom's side quit going to church around 1890 or so, haha.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now that I'm verbalizing it, I honestly wonder if he's backing out on our agreement to raise our children Protestant.

Am I getting this right? He's Catholic, you're Protestant, he agreed to raise the kids Protestant yet he doesn't care to attend church?

If so, it seems that it's YOUR job to indoctrinate the kids in YOUR Protestant beliefs. He doesn't need to attend a Protestant church for your kids to attend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that I'm verbalizing it, I honestly wonder if he's backing out on our agreement to raise our children Protestant.

Am I getting this right? He's Catholic, you're Protestant, he agreed to raise the kids Protestant yet he doesn't care to attend church?

If so, it seems that it's YOUR job to indoctrinate the kids in YOUR Protestant beliefs. He doesn't need to attend a Protestant church for your kids to attend.

As a sceptical Catholic I can say this: If Catholicism as a whole seems bogus to a, Protestantism doesn't suddenly make sense when exposed to it. It just seems like an even bigger waste of time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Now that I'm verbalizing it, I honestly wonder if he's backing out on our agreement to raise our children Protestant.

Am I getting this right? He's Catholic, you're Protestant, he agreed to raise the kids Protestant yet he doesn't care to attend church?

If so, it seems that it's YOUR job to indoctrinate the kids in YOUR Protestant beliefs. He doesn't need to attend a Protestant church for your kids to attend.

As a sceptical Catholic I can say this: If Catholicism as a whole seems bogus to a, Protestantism doesn't suddenly make sense when exposed to it. It just seems like an even bigger waste of time.

Nothing about indoctrination makes sense. It's something the strong (parents) can force on the weak (children). Eventually children grow up and can shake the indoctrination. The whole experience can be pretty painful, though. Better not to indoctrinate in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have. He's Catholic and was practicing until we left DC shortly after our wedding. Now he has a choice of two Catholic churches and doesn't like either. Won't attend a Protestant church - "too early". I suppose it's most likely more than that.

He sounds like a hypocrite who needs to stop harping on you for not being "devout" while skipping out on services

[Anonymous]

He doesn't want to go to church. You nagging him about it won't help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have. He's Catholic and was practicing until we left DC shortly after our wedding. Now he has a choice of two Catholic churches and doesn't like either. Won't attend a Protestant church - "too early". I suppose it's most likely more than that.

He sounds like a hypocrite who needs to stop harping on you for not being "devout" while skipping out on services

It sounds like neither spouse has your my-way-or-the-highway attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have. He's Catholic and was practicing until we left DC shortly after our wedding. Now he has a choice of two Catholic churches and doesn't like either. Won't attend a Protestant church - "too early". I suppose it's most likely more than that.

He sounds like a hypocrite who needs to stop harping on you for not being "devout" while skipping out on services

^^ the voice of indoctrination^^

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some people just don't like to go to church. Maybe he felt forced before and now sees an opportunity to stop.

Start going with your child since it's important to you. He may join you if you get involved in activities outside of church with new friends and that may lead to more. Or he might not. But go for you. There are a few families at mine where it is one spouse and not the other, but the other will come occasionally, and we often see them both at functions outside of the service.

But again, go for you, not with any expectations that he will join; it will lead to resentment on your part.

I agree with this.