Middle school daughter has never been to a class mate's party or sleepover,I'm worried

[Anonymous]

OP - Middle school is tough so if you can find her one new positive outlet I would encourage you to do so. It could be volunteering, a service group such as Girl Scouts or how about joining a church based youth group that pulls from a range of schools in an area if that is an option. In high school, if she does enjoy volunteering, I would encourage her to join the Key Club, which is the high school version of Kiwanis. In terms of volunteering, some options might be the local Special Olympics sports program as peer buddy for a sport training which usually are only 8-10 sessions. Local groups that can use volunteers her age might be the SPCA or the local Food Bank at times. I would encourage you to also help her do her research for next summer a bit ahead so that she can have an activity for a couple of days a week lined up ahead of time. Your local United Way may well be a source of volunteer options, too. If she really has time on her hands, have you thought of offering her the option of learning a new skill or sport such art lessons, guitar lesson, basic knitting or sewing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you hanging out with your friends? Do you have your friends over in your house frequently? Do they come with kids? Do you go out together with your child and your friends? I think modeling a good friendship relations helps your child better then any therapy. We always have people ove0 r, close friends and co workers for dinners, neighbor and close friends for wine and snack, or just coffee and cake. All the time. It is nothing formal, some of them happens very spontaneously and we either have to share leftovers or make a dinner for a crowd in 30 min. We moved several times, and my kids were in very large and very small schools. Never problems making friends. It is not a school size, it is child's skills.

I agree with this. I was the troop leader of both of my kid's girl scouts troops. My husband coached my one daughter's softball team and my son's baseball team. We had gatherings a lot in our house - july 4th party, holiday party, kids halloween parties. Sleepovers for the kids, camping out in the backyard. Adult only appetizer/wine night. My kids always had friends around from a very early age and have kept up some of them quite well. Even though some kids are branching off in middle and high school, having those gathering here and there really keep the kids connected too. Plus it shows you have to make an effort to maintain friends. They don't just come in a box and are yours to keep forever. Social skills need to be taught and showing by example is the best way. If you never socialize, your kids might not either.

NP here -

Wow - I don't know how you do it but for me just raising two girls and keeping a house is tiring.
I'm feeling quite guilty recently wondering if I could/should have done more socializing, move closer to family, etc... when my kids were in early elementary school and then they would have more friends now.
But at the same time I wonder how many families really lead the social life the PP described.

Anyone else care to describe how much they socialize...?

Who do you think runs girl scouts, boy scouts, little league, MSI, PTA, local city basketball, etc... They are parent-led. Some parents want to participate. Others always claim to be too busy. You sound like the latter.

[Anonymous]

You know, your house doesn't have to be picture perfect to invite next door neighbors for cake or mom from the bus stop for cup of coffee. No one have houses from the magazine picture. Its more about having a laugh, discuss recent news, catch up on everyone's plans for the holidays, and to have a little bit of good time. I don't consider myself super social. Even if you have a few good friends who are always welcome in your house, it is a good example for kids.

[Anonymous]

Our house is the go-to-house for my kid's friends and so was my parents growing up. You learn a lot by doing this. Kids LOVE to talk when they are comfortable. I hear so much from my kid's friends that I would never hear from DD. Not so much truly bad stuff but just stuff that I can get a good picture of school and social life for most of the kid's friends. It is fun.

We have a basement with tv, wii u, stereo/ipod hook-up and sectional. It has a mini fridge down there too. I usually stock it with drinks, and put out some munchies out. The end. The kids play video games, go in the backyard to play capture the flag, play board games and even go into the "playroom" for younger kids and pull out toys to play with like goofballs.

If they have slumber parties (once a month) I usually order 2 large pizzas and send them downstairs with paper plates.

So even if you aren't a social butterfly as a parent, you can encourage your kids to be. You may meet some parent friends just by starting this.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't worry about her. She'll have teen angst stories to tell to her fellow CEO's or PhD's when she's an adult. It's good not to fit in when you consider what you're fitting into. Tell her to do what she wants, read a lot and cash in later. Tell her to remember these days so she'll be able entertain with the stories when she hosts dinner parties in her penthouse. Everyone likes ugly duckling stories.

[Anonymous]

Op here, unfortunately it's difficult to find kids to invite in the neighborhood as we live in a rather rural area. And I have some friends over periodically. But I think living in a rural area isn't a good fit for her. She has expressed that she wants to move away or go to a different school. it's just not going to be financially feasible as her dad isn't willing to foot the bill for private.

[Anonymous]

One more addition to all these great comments. Try a different group of girls for her - either in school or outside of school. If there is nothing close, maybe there is something you can drive to at least a couple times a month - ideally girls with her interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:this isn't a bad thing. She is avoiding a lot of the drama and gossip that causes a lot fo issues in middle school.

I am fine with my kids missing a lot of the social things because we are doing other things and then the stories you hear after are just awful and glad my kids were not part of it.

I completely agree with this. Things can change quickly too. Do movies and nails and whatever with her to get her more comfortable socially and to feel like she's not missing out and then add girls in if possible. Is her cousin nice to her? Does her cousin see what's happening? Could the cousin help?

Is she on social media? I woudln't recommend it, but maybe you could poke around and get a sense for what girls her age are into.

[Anonymous]

For all of the pollyannas out there -- sometimes it doesn't get better for everyone. Maybe it did for you and that's great. But, there are a lot of lonely people in the world. I felt sad reading about this girl. Maybe get her a pet if she doesn't have one.