Middle school daughter has never been to a class mate's party or sleepover,I'm worried

[Anonymous]

What r her special needs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What r her special needs?

She has cerebral palsy hence her lack of athleticism. I don't think she has ASD , just shy and lack of common interests as other teen girls.

[Anonymous]

I was a quirky kid that didn't fit in with the popular crowd. I met my friends through debate and math clubs. We were all nerdy together!

It does get better.

[Anonymous]

SN or not, CP or not, social skills take practice. Encourage her to initiate social time with another kid other than her cousins. Middle school is too old to call them play dates, but the same idea applies. It's also okay for her to cultivate friends slightly younger if she feels more comfortable is fine.

What are her interests OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What r her special needs?

She has cerebral palsy hence her lack of athleticism. I don't think she has ASD , just shy and lack of common interests as other teen girls.

Are there any groups that she can join for kids with CP? There are other girls out there who share her experience. It's hard to be different or disabled at that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SN or not, CP or not, social skills take practice. Encourage her to initiate social time with another kid other than her cousins. Middle school is too old to call them play dates, but the same idea applies. It's also okay for her to cultivate friends slightly younger if she feels more comfortable is fine.

What are her interests OP?

She's seems to be more interested in academics, math is her favorite subject. she loves learning new things. she isn't into make up or girly things. She isn't much of a tv watcher. She seems to daydream a lot and do her own thing.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the sit back and wait for an invitation attitude. Pick a girl she likes and plan something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What r her special needs?

She has cerebral palsy hence her lack of athleticism. I don't think she has ASD , just shy and lack of common interests as other teen girls.

Are there any groups that she can join for kids with CP? There are other girls out there who share her experience. It's hard to be different or disabled at that age.

She's met a couple of girls that have CP at her school, but I'm not sure if they are interested in friendships. It seems to be difficult to have friends in different grades in elementary and middle school since they don't really intermingle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pro writer poster, wanted to add, when I was 13 and eating lunch by myself YET AGAIN and hoping no boys would make fun of me (they liked to bark at me) I could never imagined that I would be me now. It DOES get better, and I wish I could tell all the lunch alone kids out there that and have them believe me. *sigh*

You are an inspiration and I hope that you write about it to encourage girls, if you haven't already.

[Anonymous]

Connect her with her interests when possible.

There are lots of events focused on girls and science/engineering, e.g.:
http://thegreatadventurelab.com/events/girls-get-science/
https://www.girlscouts.org/program/basics/science/
http://gemsclub.org
http://www.shineforgirls.org

Check your local library for events, e.g. book club. Some book stores run them too, e.g.:
http://www.politics-prose.com/bookgroups/teen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SN or not, CP or not, social skills take practice. Encourage her to initiate social time with another kid other than her cousins. Middle school is too old to call them play dates, but the same idea applies. It's also okay for her to cultivate friends slightly younger if she feels more comfortable is fine.

What are her interests OP?

She's seems to be more interested in academics, math is her favorite subject. she loves learning new things. she isn't into make up or girly things. She isn't much of a tv watcher. She seems to daydream a lot and do her own thing.

Have you had her tested for gifted services?

[Anonymous]

You could make invites school-focused too: research trip to library, work on a project together, hang out and do homework. That might be easier if the girls are both into academics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pro writer poster, wanted to add, when I was 13 and eating lunch by myself YET AGAIN and hoping no boys would make fun of me (they liked to bark at me) I could never imagined that I would be me now. It DOES get better, and I wish I could tell all the lunch alone kids out there that and have them believe me. *sigh*

I was going to write this also.

I had a miserable time in middle school. I'll say it got a bit better in HS when I found a few people through clubs, etc. I had terrible social skills, and was very introverted. Ate lunch by myself tons of times!

But, I agree that I wish I could tell your DD that it gets better. Like this PP, I have a great job, fantastic DH and good kids (so far), and have some good friends that I've had for years now. I would have NEVER imagined life turning out this way for me - I always thought I wasn't worthy of happiness. My job now involves talking to people/stranger on a daily basis, and I do it without even a second thought. I really came into my own in college/grad school

Middle school isn't at all like real life, fortunately. And, some kids just take some more time.

Good luck to your DD, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pro writer poster, wanted to add, when I was 13 and eating lunch by myself YET AGAIN and hoping no boys would make fun of me (they liked to bark at me) I could never imagined that I would be me now. It DOES get better, and I wish I could tell all the lunch alone kids out there that and have them believe me. *sigh*

I was going to write this also.

I had a miserable time in middle school. I'll say it got a bit better in HS when I found a few people through clubs, etc. I had terrible social skills, and was very introverted. Ate lunch by myself tons of times!

But, I agree that I wish I could tell your DD that it gets better. Like this PP, I have a great job, fantastic DH and good kids (so far), and have some good friends that I've had for years now. I would have NEVER imagined life turning out this way for me - I always thought I wasn't worthy of happiness. My job now involves talking to people/stranger on a daily basis, and I do it without even a second thought. I really came into my own in college/grad school

Middle school isn't at all like real life, fortunately. And, some kids just take some more time.

Good luck to your DD, OP.

Not the OP, but I love these stories. You women are an inspiration!

[Anonymous]

Have you thought about Girl Scouts? Getting her into a troop now would be pretty easy.

Also, have her and her cousin invite 2-3 friends over for a sleepover together. Order pizzas, ice cream sundae bar, put out of a bunch of board games and movies and let the night take it's course.

What I will say is don't do therapy like you said. There is nothing wrong with her. I think if I was that age and my parents wanted counseling because I was introverted or having a hard time making friends (with CP it already is tough) then having them think I need help would make me feel worse.

And for what it is worth. I have a very pretty, smart, athletic 13yr old who is very introverted, prefers to stay home on the weekends, and isn't into the boys/make-up/shopping. She does her sports, hangs out with friends sometimes but mainly is happy at home reading books, listening to music or playing card games with her parents or watching movies. I don't push her to be popular and appreciate her for what she is.

Kids these days are always "on" and have little downtime. Some kids need downtime more than others. My daughter is one of those kids and that is okay. Is she the most popular and sociable? No way - but she is happy. It is tough for me as I was a social butterfly at this age but not all girls are the same. So don't worry too much unless she really starts to show depression.

Be proactive a little but don't push.