Are you still emotionally/intellectually/sexually interested in your SAHM wife?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At least in my case, one of the jobs I do to make the family run more smoothly is handle the finances. This ranges from balancing the checkbook to making investment decisions. DH will also ask me if we have enough money to do X. Sometimes, I wlll say something about HIS retirement account and he corrects me and says that's OUR money.

This is one of many things I handle as a longterm sahm to make our family run more smoothly.

Often have to remind dh what OUR atm passcode is.

I handle all the finances, from weekly bills to long term investments, with no input from DH. I work full time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is more important to talk to H with teens.

My friends have a great amount of respect for their wives that stay home with infant and toddlers and that respect decreases exponentially once the kids are in school. they also lose respect for themselves because they feel like they are being used and have not option but put up with it or get divorced.

This is a very good point.

It's not easy to get a job with a 5-10 year gap in employment.

I agree. The OP needs to think about that. Also, if there is a divorce it can be devastating.

. . . says the WOHM. I know plenty of moms for whom staying at home was absolutely the best decision for their family and plenty for whom working outside the home was right. If you don't think your husband will support your decision to stay at home, that's a factor in making it less successful. But the other reasons above are petty, most moms I know who wanted to go back were able to go back, just took more effort than if they had stayed employed.

It depends on your husband's support and also on what you did. The ease of reentry varies enormously by field, entry vs. more senior level, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our household runs a lot more smoothly b/c I stay home which makes everyone less stressed and more in the mood for sex.

But do you feel intellectually vital?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I wrote the previous post. Yes, my money is her money. I constantly reassure her to take time for herself. I don't think I am unique.

But I will say, fair or unfair, if you are the non-bread winning spouse you do need to be cognizant of the value of a dollar. I think some SAHMs, from what I hear, can be guilty of being at home too often and fixating on unneccesary and expensive home improvement projects without appreciating how much effort goes into earning the money in the first place.

Anyhow, not sure if that is unique to SAHM or women in general. In any event, I totally agree with others that I could not succeed in my career without the sacrafices of my wife being at home. It's a team effort.

It's amazing that my DH and I have both managed to succeed in our careers without having the "sacrafices" [sic] of having a SAHP. We take turns taking time off as necessary to handle kids and house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

Who asks their dh for money? The ATM at the bank just needs your pass code.

The question should have been does your H give you his pass code.

Don't need it, all our accounts are joint. I handle all the finances, dh wouldn't know if I had secret swiss bank accounts.

nor do you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our household runs a lot more smoothly b/c I stay home which makes everyone less stressed and more in the mood for sex.

But do you feel intellectually vital?

TO be fair. I am posting from work and I don't feel intellectually vital! For some people, that is a lofty career ideal that can only be attained sometimes, or rarely or even never. What I would miss is the interaction if I SAH- although right now my department is being realigned so I am solo in an office space much of the time and I miss it at work anyway!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is more important to talk to H with teens.

My friends have a great amount of respect for their wives that stay home with infant and toddlers and that respect decreases exponentially once the kids are in school. they also lose respect for themselves because they feel like they are being used and have not option but put up with it or get divorced.

This is a very good point.

It's not easy to get a job with a 5-10 year gap in employment.

I agree. The OP needs to think about that. Also, if there is a divorce it can be devastating.

. . . says the WOHM. I know plenty of moms for whom staying at home was absolutely the best decision for their family and plenty for whom working outside the home was right. If you don't think your husband will support your decision to stay at home, that's a factor in making it less successful. But the other reasons above are petty, most moms I know who wanted to go back were able to go back, just took more effort than if they had stayed employed.

no.... actually.... says the divorce lawyer who has women sit in her office crying when they realize they won't be supported forever by their H ... it's actually very sad and scary for them, pretending it isn't doesn't help anybody make informed decisions about their life. Judges don't look sympathitically on a woman with an Ivy degree and multiple graduates degrees asking for alimony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At least in my case, one of the jobs I do to make the family run more smoothly is handle the finances. This ranges from balancing the checkbook to making investment decisions. DH will also ask me if we have enough money to do X. Sometimes, I wlll say something about HIS retirement account and he corrects me and says that's OUR money.

This is one of many things I handle as a longterm sahm to make our family run more smoothly.

Often have to remind dh what OUR atm passcode is.

I handle all the finances, from weekly bills to long term investments, with no input from DH. I work full time.

Well, then you get an atta girl!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our household runs a lot more smoothly b/c I stay home which makes everyone less stressed and more in the mood for sex.

But do you feel intellectually vital?

What does this even mean? Intellectually vital to what? Do you mean intellectually stimulated?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a sahm I will add my 2 cents. We've been married 9 years. I've been at home for 3. Since being at home dh and I have a much closer bond physically and emotionally. Part of this could be that I was in a really stressful field prior to staying home and didn't have time/energy to put into myself etc. Now, I have time to run daily, I cook clean food, maintain myself in a way I hadn't before. I read a lot more since I have the time during naps, at night etc. I'm pretty sure dh would answer yes.

So you couldn't handle working and self care, so you're both happier. At least you know your limitations.

There are only so many hours in a day. If you have a job that takes up most of the waking hours, of course other things will get less attention. That is why many people with desk jobs get fat.

I work 8 to 5 but I work out 5 days a week. You just have to be organized and work hard/be efficient.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a sahm I will add my 2 cents. We've been married 9 years. I've been at home for 3. Since being at home dh and I have a much closer bond physically and emotionally. Part of this could be that I was in a really stressful field prior to staying home and didn't have time/energy to put into myself etc. Now, I have time to run daily, I cook clean food, maintain myself in a way I hadn't before. I read a lot more since I have the time during naps, at night etc. I'm pretty sure dh would answer yes.

So you couldn't handle working and self care, so you're both happier. At least you know your limitations.

There are only so many hours in a day. If you have a job that takes up most of the waking hours, of course other things will get less attention. That is why many people with desk jobs get fat.

Snort. Like all SAHMs are in great shape.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a sahm I will add my 2 cents. We've been married 9 years. I've been at home for 3. Since being at home dh and I have a much closer bond physically and emotionally. Part of this could be that I was in a really stressful field prior to staying home and didn't have time/energy to put into myself etc. Now, I have time to run daily, I cook clean food, maintain myself in a way I hadn't before. I read a lot more since I have the time during naps, at night etc. I'm pretty sure dh would answer yes.

So you couldn't handle working and self care, so you're both happier. At least you know your limitations.

There are only so many hours in a day. If you have a job that takes up most of the waking hours, of course other things will get less attention. That is why many people with desk jobs get fat.

I work 8 to 5 but I work out 5 days a week. You just have to be organized and work hard/be efficient.

My job was never 8-5. It would have been easy to do it with that kind of schedule. Not everyone has a cushy job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a sahm I will add my 2 cents. We've been married 9 years. I've been at home for 3. Since being at home dh and I have a much closer bond physically and emotionally. Part of this could be that I was in a really stressful field prior to staying home and didn't have time/energy to put into myself etc. Now, I have time to run daily, I cook clean food, maintain myself in a way I hadn't before. I read a lot more since I have the time during naps, at night etc. I'm pretty sure dh would answer yes.

So you couldn't handle working and self care, so you're both happier. At least you know your limitations.

There are only so many hours in a day. If you have a job that takes up most of the waking hours, of course other things will get less attention. That is why many people with desk jobs get fat.

I work 8 to 5 but I work out 5 days a week. You just have to be organized and work hard/be efficient.

My job was never 8-5. It would have been easy to do it with that kind of schedule. Not everyone has a cushy job.

I worked hard for my cushy job. I did the 60 to 70 hours a week jobs before I had kids. Now I don't have to do that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a sahm I will add my 2 cents. We've been married 9 years. I've been at home for 3. Since being at home dh and I have a much closer bond physically and emotionally. Part of this could be that I was in a really stressful field prior to staying home and didn't have time/energy to put into myself etc. Now, I have time to run daily, I cook clean food, maintain myself in a way I hadn't before. I read a lot more since I have the time during naps, at night etc. I'm pretty sure dh would answer yes.

So you couldn't handle working and self care, so you're both happier. At least you know your limitations.

There are only so many hours in a day. If you have a job that takes up most of the waking hours, of course other things will get less attention. That is why many people with desk jobs get fat.

I work 8 to 5 but I work out 5 days a week. You just have to be organized and work hard/be efficient.

My job was never 8-5. It would have been easy to do it with that kind of schedule. Not everyone has a cushy job.

I worked hard for my cushy job. I did the 60 to 70 hours a week jobs before I had kids. Now I don't have to do that

Atta girl for you, too

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I wrote the previous post. Yes, my money is her money. I constantly reassure her to take time for herself. I don't think I am unique.

But I will say, fair or unfair, if you are the non-bread winning spouse you do need to be cognizant of the value of a dollar. I think some SAHMs, from what I hear, can be guilty of being at home too often and fixating on unneccesary and expensive home improvement projects without appreciating how much effort goes into earning the money in the first place.

Anyhow, not sure if that is unique to SAHM or women in general. In any event, I totally agree with others that I could not succeed in my career without the sacrafices of my wife being at home. It's a team effort.

It's amazing that my DH and I have both managed to succeed in our careers without having the "sacrafices" [sic] of having a SAHP. We take turns taking time off as necessary to handle kids and house.

That's because you are more amazing. Definitely MORE AMAZING than any SAHM I've met. If you send me your address, I will send you a button that you can wear proudly for the whole world to see.