Are you still emotionally/intellectually/sexually interested in your SAHM wife?

[Anonymous]

Yes. Men are civilians in the endless SAHM v. WOHM wars.

[Anonymous]

Subject: Are you still emotionally/intellectually/sexually interested in your SAHM wife?
[Up]
Anonymous
Yes

Does she still interest you in the same way as she did pre-SAHM? Yes, my respect and love for her has grown over they years. Our sex life has REALLY improved.
Do you really respect what she contributes? Of course
Why or why not?-

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people so defensive? It could be a question from someone considering SAH. Its natural to wonder if the dynamics will change within the marriage once the woman's focus is on the home and family.

Because of the way it's worded. The OP is expecting men to say they hate their wives or have no respect for them.

The dynamics can change (can be good or bad) but it depends on the COUPLE. If the PAID parent thinks their $ contribution is more important than the NONPAID parent's contribution, you will have a problem. Thinking it's MY money vs. OUR money is also a problem.

Being a SAHP takes a LOT of trust on the part of the SAH: trust that the WOH parent will treat them as an equal. That is something that must be discussed BEFORE either parent decides to be SAH.

I struggled with this and I am still trying to find a great balance, but overall, our relationship has improved. Our sex life has improved by far since I am usually home and available for sex. It's nice when our oldest is in school and my DH works from home and our youngest takes a nap. Time for sex!

This is very true. My father didn't respect my mother for SAH; I married a man who doesn't see the value in a SAHP. I think that is no coincidence. I have never wanted to be a SAHP so it all has worked out just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a sahm I will add my 2 cents. We've been married 9 years. I've been at home for 3. Since being at home dh and I have a much closer bond physically and emotionally. Part of this could be that I was in a really stressful field prior to staying home and didn't have time/energy to put into myself etc. Now, I have time to run daily, I cook clean food, maintain myself in a way I hadn't before. I read a lot more since I have the time during naps, at night etc. I'm pretty sure dh would answer yes.

So you couldn't handle working and self care, so you're both happier. At least you know your limitations.

[Anonymous]

Good lord people - let me say it again - do what works for your family and otherwise myob.

OP - If you have doubts, perhaps sahm won't fit your family situation at least for more than a short time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is more important to talk to H with teens.

My friends have a great amount of respect for their wives that stay home with infant and toddlers and that respect decreases exponentially once the kids are in school. they also lose respect for themselves because they feel like they are being used and have not option but put up with it or get divorced.

This is a very good point.

It's not easy to get a job with a 5-10 year gap in employment.

I agree. The OP needs to think about that. Also, if there is a divorce it can be devastating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

Who asks their dh for money? The ATM at the bank just needs your pass code.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

Who asks their dh for money? The ATM at the bank just needs your pass code.

The question should have been does your H give you his pass code.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is more important to talk to H with teens.

My friends have a great amount of respect for their wives that stay home with infant and toddlers and that respect decreases exponentially once the kids are in school. they also lose respect for themselves because they feel like they are being used and have not option but put up with it or get divorced.

This is a very good point.

It's not easy to get a job with a 5-10 year gap in employment.

I agree. The OP needs to think about that. Also, if there is a divorce it can be devastating.

. . . says the WOHM. I know plenty of moms for whom staying at home was absolutely the best decision for their family and plenty for whom working outside the home was right. If you don't think your husband will support your decision to stay at home, that's a factor in making it less successful. But the other reasons above are petty, most moms I know who wanted to go back were able to go back, just took more effort than if they had stayed employed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

If you have to "ask" your husband for money, don't become a sahm. My husband and I are a team. I stay home but manage the finances. We both have the same goals and work towards those goals financially. I don't view the money as his anymore than he views the house as mine since I'm the one running it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

Who asks their dh for money? The ATM at the bank just needs your pass code.

So you just freely spend money you didn't earn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

Who asks their dh for money? The ATM at the bank just needs your pass code.

The question should have been does your H give you his pass code.

Don't need it, all our accounts are joint. I handle all the finances, dh wouldn't know if I had secret swiss bank accounts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

Who asks their dh for money? The ATM at the bank just needs your pass code.

So you just freely spend money you didn't earn?

You really are unhappy and bitter, aren't you?