Are you still emotionally/intellectually/sexually interested in your SAHM wife?

[Anonymous]

At least in my case, one of the jobs I do to make the family run more smoothly is handle the finances. This ranges from balancing the checkbook to making investment decisions. DH will also ask me if we have enough money to do X. Sometimes, I wlll say something about HIS retirement account and he corrects me and says that's OUR money.

This is one of many things I handle as a longterm sahm to make our family run more smoothly.

Often have to remind dh what OUR atm passcode is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

Who asks their dh for money? The ATM at the bank just needs your pass code.

So you just freely spend money you didn't earn?

You really are unhappy and bitter, aren't you?

Not at all. Not everyone who lives a different lifestyle is unhappy. I'm genuinely curious. I really can't imagine this kind of dynamic. If I didn't earn money, I'd feel weird about spending on myself, I think. I can see spending on kids, household, etc - but getting a new iPad or a new pair of fancy earrings - just seems like it sets up a weird dynamic. It would never occur to me to not buy what I wanted (within reason of course) because I earned the money I'm spending.

[Anonymous]

America truly is an individualistic society. A family is a TEAM folks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

Who asks their dh for money? The ATM at the bank just needs your pass code.

So you just freely spend money you didn't earn?

NP here. Yes, I freely spend. My husband is more likely to ask for "permission" for big purchases than I am. Neither of us are big spenders, though.

Like most things, there's no reason to debate this on a message board. It's between you and your husband. My husband and I are on the same page. My husband and I both like that I'm at home. Yes, it will be terrible if we divorce, but having to get a job will be the least of my worries. I'd be sad about losing my husband and sad and worried for my children, not mad that I have to go back to work, even though I know I would have to take a pretty low-paying job at first.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I'm just going to continue to work. I don't want to end up like some of you. Peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm just going to continue to work. I don't want to end up like some of you. Peace.

Happy and not bitter! Too bad -- at least you got a chance to be condescending for a bit, hope it made you feel better about yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm just going to continue to work. I don't want to end up like some of you. Peace.

You never intended to stop working. This was all just to get your SAHMs are stupid idiots fill for the day.

[Anonymous]

You bitches are crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I wrote the previous post. Yes, my money is her money. I constantly reassure her to take time for herself. I don't think I am unique.

But I will say, fair or unfair, if you are the non-bread winning spouse you do need to be cognizant of the value of a dollar. I think some SAHMs, from what I hear, can be guilty of being at home too often and fixating on unneccesary and expensive home improvement projects without appreciating how much effort goes into earning the money in the first place.

Anyhow, not sure if that is unique to SAHM or women in general. In any event, I totally agree with others that I could not succeed in my career without the sacrafices of my wife being at home. It's a team effort.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm just going to continue to work. I don't want to end up like some of you. Peace.

Man here, honestly - this is the kind of crap that makes me feel sorry for women. Assuming the OP is really a woman and not a divorced man looking to vent, here is my advice to you OP. Stop worrying about what others are doing. Do what works for you and your family. If you decide to work full time and put your kids in extended day care, no worries. Both my parents worked crazy hours, and I turned out fine. My wife stays at home because that works for us and our kids are fine.

Let go of the anger, be confident in your decisions, and move on with your own happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

Who asks their dh for money? The ATM at the bank just needs your pass code.

So you just freely spend money you didn't earn?

I do. When we both worked, we had the same set up. I mostly controlled the day to day finances/spending. He puts everything on a card and I pay it off at the end of the month. Every now and then he asks me to get some cash for him when I am at the ATM. He has never once made me feel bad for spending "his" money or that I can't buy anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm just going to continue to work. I don't want to end up like some of you. Peace.

Ehhh. Don't really care what you do. You do you. I'll do me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a sahm I will add my 2 cents. We've been married 9 years. I've been at home for 3. Since being at home dh and I have a much closer bond physically and emotionally. Part of this could be that I was in a really stressful field prior to staying home and didn't have time/energy to put into myself etc. Now, I have time to run daily, I cook clean food, maintain myself in a way I hadn't before. I read a lot more since I have the time during naps, at night etc. I'm pretty sure dh would answer yes.

So you couldn't handle working and self care, so you're both happier. At least you know your limitations.

There are only so many hours in a day. If you have a job that takes up most of the waking hours, of course other things will get less attention. That is why many people with desk jobs get fat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

Do you respect her need for personal time and personal money to spend?

I mean this with as little snark as possible - how do you reconcile having to 'ask' your husband for money that he earned to spend on things for yourself? Do you feel like you have to watch your spending more closely than you might if you'd earned the money?

NP here - It's OUR money. If I outearned my husband, like a previous poster with the inheritance, it would still be OUR money. We are frugal and always consult each other when buying things. So our spending habits leave out of the equation the source of the income.
Believe me, if I could earn what my husband does and if he could stay at home, neither of us would have an issue reversing the situation. We believe in one parent taking care of the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm just going to continue to work. I don't want to end up like some of you. Peace.

Man here, honestly - this is the kind of crap that makes me feel sorry for women. Assuming the OP is really a woman and not a divorced man looking to vent, here is my advice to you OP. Stop worrying about what others are doing. Do what works for you and your family. If you decide to work full time and put your kids in extended day care, no worries. Both my parents worked crazy hours, and I turned out fine. My wife stays at home because that works for us and our kids are fine.

Let go of the anger, be confident in your decisions, and move on with your own happiness.

Thank you.