Are you still emotionally/intellectually/sexually interested in your SAHM wife?

[Anonymous]

Sorry troll, go start your trouble someplace else. And yes, my DH most definitely is interested in ME after 18 years of being a SAHW. Here's a part of a love letter I received from him this morning from work "So, I do get a lot of peace knowing you and the ----- are doing well and that you've worked hard towards their success and that they have worked hard too." So stop 'worrying' about the quality of SAHW relationships.

[Anonymous]

Well considering DH can't keep his hands off me, I'd say he's still very much sexually attracted to me.

He always asks for my thoughts on pretty much everything from issues at his work, to politics, to finances, to sports, I'd say he still finds me intellectually stimulating.

He always comes to me for emotional support when something is troubling him and he shares all his joys with me, I'd say that he's still emotionally interested in me.

I don't see why you would make a distinction between SAH vs WOH on this issue though. These are things that effect all marriages, 2 working spouses or 1.

[Anonymous]

Married 28 years. SAHM for 24. My DH received a very prestigious award several months ago. In his speech, he spent several minutes thanking me for my support. He flat out said that he would not be where he is today were it not for my support.

Is he emotionally interested in me? I think so. We are best friends. You rarely see one of us without the other because we genuinely love spending time together.

Intellectually? We have a lot of shared interests. We both love to read. We love history. We are both very involved in our community and in our church. Yes, he is still intellectually interested in me.

Sexually? Well we have five kids, so clearly there has been plenty of sex. Four of the five are grown and gone. We still have a very active sex life. It helps that we take great care of ourselves physically. I am 5'5 and 115 pounds. I work out every day to stay in shape. My DH does the same. I think he is hotter now than he was 28 years ago.

My DH isn't a dcum reader, but I asked him for his input . He said, if your sense of self-worth is dependent on a paycheck, you need to spend some time in therapy. He also said that there is not a person on this planet, that he would have trusted with his children for 40+ hours a week for five years. That's just too much time to give away and too much risk during critical years.

[Anonymous]

Why are people so defensive? It could be a question from someone considering SAH. Its natural to wonder if the dynamics will change within the marriage once the woman's focus is on the home and family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people so defensive? It could be a question from someone considering SAH. Its natural to wonder if the dynamics will change within the marriage once the woman's focus is on the home and family.

Because of the way it's worded. The OP is expecting men to say they hate their wives or have no respect for them.

The dynamics can change (can be good or bad) but it depends on the COUPLE. If the PAID parent thinks their $ contribution is more important than the NONPAID parent's contribution, you will have a problem. Thinking it's MY money vs. OUR money is also a problem.

Being a SAHP takes a LOT of trust on the part of the SAH: trust that the WOH parent will treat them as an equal. That is something that must be discussed BEFORE either parent decides to be SAH.

I struggled with this and I am still trying to find a great balance, but overall, our relationship has improved. Our sex life has improved by far since I am usually home and available for sex. It's nice when our oldest is in school and my DH works from home and our youngest takes a nap. Time for sex!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are people so defensive? It could be a question from someone considering SAH. Its natural to wonder if the dynamics will change within the marriage once the woman's focus is on the home and family.

OP here. That is exactly what this is. I'm considering being a SAHM.
If the nasty, bitchy responses I've gotten are any indication of what I'll become as a SAHM, I'll just continue working.
You people are unbelievable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are people so defensive? It could be a question from someone considering SAH. Its natural to wonder if the dynamics will change within the marriage once the woman's focus is on the home and family.

Because of the way it's worded. The OP is expecting men to say they hate their wives or have no respect for them.

The dynamics can change (can be good or bad) but it depends on the COUPLE. If the PAID parent thinks their $ contribution is more important than the NONPAID parent's contribution, you will have a problem. Thinking it's MY money vs. OUR money is also a problem.

Being a SAHP takes a LOT of trust on the part of the SAH: trust that the WOH parent will treat them as an equal. That is something that must be discussed BEFORE either parent decides to be SAH.

I struggled with this and I am still trying to find a great balance, but overall, our relationship has improved. Our sex life has improved by far since I am usually home and available for sex. It's nice when our oldest is in school and my DH works from home and our youngest takes a nap. Time for sex!

I fail to see how it was worded so as to offend anyone.
Seems like a straightforward question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married 28 years. SAHM for 24. My DH received a very prestigious award several months ago. In his speech, he spent several minutes thanking me for my support. He flat out said that he would not be where he is today were it not for my support.

Is he emotionally interested in me? I think so. We are best friends. You rarely see one of us without the other because we genuinely love spending time together.

Intellectually? We have a lot of shared interests. We both love to read. We love history. We are both very involved in our community and in our church. Yes, he is still intellectually interested in me.

Sexually? Well we have five kids, so clearly there has been plenty of sex. Four of the five are grown and gone. We still have a very active sex life. It helps that we take great care of ourselves physically. I am 5'5 and 115 pounds. I work out every day to stay in shape. My DH does the same. I think he is hotter now than he was 28 years ago.

My DH isn't a dcum reader, but I asked him for his input .

He said, if your sense of self-worth is dependent on a paycheck, you need to spend some time in therapy.

He also said that there is not a person on this planet, that he would have trusted with his children for 40+ hours a week for five years. That's just too much time to give away and too much risk during critical years.

How about he quit his job for a year, and then please report back to us about his self worth

[Anonymous]

I am a husband, my wife stays at home. Kids are 3 and 6. I have utmost respect for what she does. Raising our kids properly is just as if not more important than what I do to make money. Her job on some days is just as hard as mine. I have total respect for her. I still have a desire to have sex with her.

I should add that most of my co-workers have SAHM spouses and feel grateful we can concentrate on work due to the sacrafices of SAHM wives.

[Anonymous]

I think the physical issue is irrelevant. The issue is more about respect - does the husband respect the wife's contributions in the same way he would if she were working? Some men are able to do this and some are not. There's no way to answer this without knowing your husband.

My situation is unique. I have a large net worth due to inheritance. I also make slightly more money than my husband, though he has the benefits that support our family. I know at times he feels uncomfortable with the fact that "my" money bought our house, will pay for our kids' college, etc. I would feel the same way.

[Anonymous]

Our household runs a lot more smoothly b/c I stay home which makes everyone less stressed and more in the mood for sex.

[Anonymous]

I think it is more important to talk to H with teens.

My friends have a great amount of respect for their wives that stay home with infant and toddlers and that respect decreases exponentially once the kids are in school. they also lose respect for themselves because they feel like they are being used and have not option but put up with it or get divorced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it is more important to talk to H with teens.

My friends have a great amount of respect for their wives that stay home with infant and toddlers and that respect decreases exponentially once the kids are in school. they also lose respect for themselves because they feel like they are being used and have not option but put up with it or get divorced.

This is a very good point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is more important to talk to H with teens.

My friends have a great amount of respect for their wives that stay home with infant and toddlers and that respect decreases exponentially once the kids are in school. they also lose respect for themselves because they feel like they are being used and have not option but put up with it or get divorced.

This is a very good point.

It's not easy to get a job with a 5-10 year gap in employment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it is more important to talk to H with teens.

My friends have a great amount of respect for their wives that stay home with infant and toddlers and that respect decreases exponentially once the kids are in school. they also lose respect for themselves because they feel like they are being used and have not option but put up with it or get divorced.

This is a very good point.

It's not easy to get a job with a 5-10 year gap in employment.

Then people should think about that before they quit. That's why when women come on here and say "childcare will eat up my salary!" they're told to think long-term.