Why I don't chat with this SN parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here and my kids are young and we haven't actually faced this situation yet. I am grateful to have read the responses here though, so I can make sure to model inclusiveness for them. If I walk up and say hi and start a conversation, and my 3 yr old says something like: "Mommy what's wrong with him?" What do you all advise saying? Should I prep her with a "different, not wrong" kind of statement to try to avoid that question? I agree with pp above that it is my job to teach my kids how to navigate this, but I appreciate all of your perspectives.

Not a big deal...special needs moms know when a little kid is just trying to ask an innocent question. This age is very tenderhearted.

But what should I say in response?

[Anonymous]

I'd say something like "Her legs don't work like your legs." I think most SN moms will jump in because we have standard answers for kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Np here and my kids are young and we haven't actually faced this situation yet. I am grateful to have read the responses here though, so I can make sure to model inclusiveness for them. If I walk up and say hi and start a conversation, and my 3 yr old says something like: "Mommy what's wrong with him?" What do you all advise saying? Should I prep her with a "different, not wrong" kind of statement to try to avoid that question? I agree with pp above that it is my job to teach my kids how to navigate this, but I appreciate all of your perspectives.

Not a big deal...special needs moms know when a little kid is just trying to ask an innocent question. This age is very tenderhearted.

But what should I say in response?

What do you think you should say? It is a big deal and it is very sad people try to minimize it. I don't want my child asked why he isn't talking, walking, etc. so well right in front of him. Do you have any idea what that does to him or me? If you don't know how to handle such a basic situation, then maybe you need to take some parenting and social skills classes.

If your child asked me what is "wrong" with my child, I would say, nothing is "wrong" with him but what is wrong with you for asking such a question. Sounds like a parenting issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say something like "Her legs don't work like your legs." I think most SN moms will jump in because we have standard answers for kids.

This, prefaced with "nothing is wrong with him..." would be my instinct; thanks. -pp who asked.

[Anonymous]

Kids generally say "what's wrong with him'' when it comes to my child. They will ask very specific questions like why does he doe this or why does he do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Kids generally say "what's wrong with him'' when it comes to my child. They will ask very specific questions like why does he doe this or why does he do that.

And how would you like the child's parent to handle those questions/situation?

[Anonymous]

I don't get why people feel they need an explanation or justification as to what is wrong. OP doesn't want a relationship and is uncomfortable with that mom being in the pool as it doesn't fit within her view of the world. Or, she would have been friendly and said hello a long time ago and kept it up.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a special needs child, but what I've found that works for us, is to explain disabilities in a general sense. Oh dogs can do useful things, like help rescue people, help the police and also act as guide dogs to help people who can't see . Oh look did you notice these bumps on the elevator bumps, that's Braille, people who can't see still read using their fingers. Oh look the hospital provides wheelchairs, people use them when they have problems walking. I used one after I gave birth. Some people can't walk at all and they use them all the time. That is a handicap spot, people who have a more difficult time getting to the store get to use those spaces. There's a ramp, there's handrails, some people have trouble moving and this helps them. Look at the interpreter (on tv), she's using sign language for people who can't hear.

I prefer to avoid specific people as examples, so far just pointing out things we see everyday is enough to get across to my kids general idea that all people are not the same and everyone has a different range of abilities. One of my kids has a friend that has a baby sister with DS, they don't notice it now, but I will make sure to explain DS to them in more detail as time goes on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a special needs child, but what I've found that works for us, is to explain disabilities in a general sense. Oh dogs can do useful things, like help rescue people, help the police and also act as guide dogs to help people who can't see . Oh look did you notice these bumps on the elevator bumps, that's Braille, people who can't see still read using their fingers. Oh look the hospital provides wheelchairs, people use them when they have problems walking. I used one after I gave birth. Some people can't walk at all and they use them all the time. That is a handicap spot, people who have a more difficult time getting to the store get to use those spaces. There's a ramp, there's handrails, some people have trouble moving and this helps them. Look at the interpreter (on tv), she's using sign language for people who can't hear.

I prefer to avoid specific people as examples, so far just pointing out things we see everyday is enough to get across to my kids general idea that all people are not the same and everyone has a different range of abilities. One of my kids has a friend that has a baby sister with DS, they don't notice it now, but I will make sure to explain DS to them in more detail as time goes on.

I hope you do this in private. Do you have any idea how painful and uncomfortable it is listening to you do your teaching moment? It doesn't matter if my child is with me or not, but somethings you want to tell someone to be more sensitive given the person they are talking about is right there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a special needs child, but what I've found that works for us, is to explain disabilities in a general sense. Oh dogs can do useful things, like help rescue people, help the police and also act as guide dogs to help people who can't see . Oh look did you notice these bumps on the elevator bumps, that's Braille, people who can't see still read using their fingers. Oh look the hospital provides wheelchairs, people use them when they have problems walking. I used one after I gave birth. Some people can't walk at all and they use them all the time. That is a handicap spot, people who have a more difficult time getting to the store get to use those spaces. There's a ramp, there's handrails, some people have trouble moving and this helps them. Look at the interpreter (on tv), she's using sign language for people who can't hear.

I prefer to avoid specific people as examples, so far just pointing out things we see everyday is enough to get across to my kids general idea that all people are not the same and everyone has a different range of abilities. One of my kids has a friend that has a baby sister with DS, they don't notice it now, but I will make sure to explain DS to them in more detail as time goes on.

I hope you do this in private. Do you have any idea how painful and uncomfortable it is listening to you do your teaching moment? It doesn't matter if my child is with me or not, but somethings you want to tell someone to be more sensitive given the person they are talking about is right there.

You're a nut. I'm a NP, and it is evident that the PP is explaining these things to her kid as they see them, likely when no one else is around. Even if you are around, how in the world is it "painful" to hear that the bumps on the elevator are braille for people who can't see? That dogs are there to help people cross the street?? How is "uncomfortable" to hear that ramps help people who have difficulty with stairs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a special needs child, but what I've found that works for us, is to explain disabilities in a general sense. Oh dogs can do useful things, like help rescue people, help the police and also act as guide dogs to help people who can't see . Oh look did you notice these bumps on the elevator bumps, that's Braille, people who can't see still read using their fingers. Oh look the hospital provides wheelchairs, people use them when they have problems walking. I used one after I gave birth. Some people can't walk at all and they use them all the time. That is a handicap spot, people who have a more difficult time getting to the store get to use those spaces. There's a ramp, there's handrails, some people have trouble moving and this helps them. Look at the interpreter (on tv), she's using sign language for people who can't hear.

I prefer to avoid specific people as examples, so far just pointing out things we see everyday is enough to get across to my kids general idea that all people are not the same and everyone has a different range of abilities. One of my kids has a friend that has a baby sister with DS, they don't notice it now, but I will make sure to explain DS to them in more detail as time goes on.

I hope you do this in private. Do you have any idea how painful and uncomfortable it is listening to you do your teaching moment? It doesn't matter if my child is with me or not, but somethings you want to tell someone to be more sensitive given the person they are talking about is right there.

You're a nut. I'm a NP, and it is evident that the PP is explaining these things to her kid as they see them, likely when no one else is around. Even if you are around, how in the world is it "painful" to hear that the bumps on the elevator are braille for people who can't see? That dogs are there to help people cross the street?? How is "uncomfortable" to hear that ramps help people who have difficulty with stairs?

You clearly don't have to live the life of a special needs child or family member. You get tired of hearing about it and living it 24/7. When you get it, please let us know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a special needs child, but what I've found that works for us, is to explain disabilities in a general sense. Oh dogs can do useful things, like help rescue people, help the police and also act as guide dogs to help people who can't see . Oh look did you notice these bumps on the elevator bumps, that's Braille, people who can't see still read using their fingers. Oh look the hospital provides wheelchairs, people use them when they have problems walking. I used one after I gave birth. Some people can't walk at all and they use them all the time. That is a handicap spot, people who have a more difficult time getting to the store get to use those spaces. There's a ramp, there's handrails, some people have trouble moving and this helps them. Look at the interpreter (on tv), she's using sign language for people who can't hear.

I prefer to avoid specific people as examples, so far just pointing out things we see everyday is enough to get across to my kids general idea that all people are not the same and everyone has a different range of abilities. One of my kids has a friend that has a baby sister with DS, they don't notice it now, but I will make sure to explain DS to them in more detail as time goes on.

I hope you do this in private. Do you have any idea how painful and uncomfortable it is listening to you do your teaching moment? It doesn't matter if my child is with me or not, but somethings you want to tell someone to be more sensitive given the person they are talking about is right there.

You're a nut. I'm a NP, and it is evident that the PP is explaining these things to her kid as they see them, likely when no one else is around. Even if you are around, how in the world is it "painful" to hear that the bumps on the elevator are braille for people who can't see? That dogs are there to help people cross the street?? How is "uncomfortable" to hear that ramps help people who have difficulty with stairs?

I can't speak to how painful it is because I don't have SN kids but it is RUDE. It is RUDE to talk about people in front of them, to them or as if they are objects or merely "teaching moments" for someone else's kids. IT IS RUDE!!!!

How is it hurtful for a child to say, "Why doesn't that man have hair on the top of his head?" or "Why does she have grey hairs near her head when the rest is dark?" or "Why is that person so fat?" Sure, kids have no clue and will say all kinds of hurtful things UNLESS THEY ARE TAUGHT THAT IT IS RUDE. Don't talk about people. It's rude. Ask in private. Simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a special needs child, but what I've found that works for us, is to explain disabilities in a general sense. Oh dogs can do useful things, like help rescue people, help the police and also act as guide dogs to help people who can't see . Oh look did you notice these bumps on the elevator bumps, that's Braille, people who can't see still read using their fingers. Oh look the hospital provides wheelchairs, people use them when they have problems walking. I used one after I gave birth. Some people can't walk at all and they use them all the time. That is a handicap spot, people who have a more difficult time getting to the store get to use those spaces. There's a ramp, there's handrails, some people have trouble moving and this helps them. Look at the interpreter (on tv), she's using sign language for people who can't hear.

I prefer to avoid specific people as examples, so far just pointing out things we see everyday is enough to get across to my kids general idea that all people are not the same and everyone has a different range of abilities. One of my kids has a friend that has a baby sister with DS, they don't notice it now, but I will make sure to explain DS to them in more detail as time goes on.

I hope you do this in private. Do you have any idea how painful and uncomfortable it is listening to you do your teaching moment? It doesn't matter if my child is with me or not, but somethings you want to tell someone to be more sensitive given the person they are talking about is right there.

You're a nut. I'm a NP, and it is evident that the PP is explaining these things to her kid as they see them, likely when no one else is around. Even if you are around, how in the world is it "painful" to hear that the bumps on the elevator are braille for people who can't see? That dogs are there to help people cross the street?? How is "uncomfortable" to hear that ramps help people who have difficulty with stairs?

You clearly don't have to live the life of a special needs child or family member. You get tired of hearing about it and living it 24/7. When you get it, please let us know.

Not PP, and I am a SN parent. My kid has HFA. It is sometimes obvious in public. I understand where you are at, but this is not PP's problem. PP is not doing anything wrong.

I'm sorry that it's tiring to parent a SN kid. I get tired, too. A kind, factual explanation to her kid's question right at the moment the kid asks the question is the right thing to do. It shouldn't be whispered and the kid shouldn't be dragged away to hear the explanation in private because having a special need isn't shameful and it isn't a secret. It's just a fact of life.

Some people have autism. Some people use wheelchairs. Some people are blind. Those are just facts. The more matter-of-fact we can answer those questions, the less scary or weird those issues will seem to kids. Not being perceived as scary is good for my SN kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a special needs child, but what I've found that works for us, is to explain disabilities in a general sense. Oh dogs can do useful things, like help rescue people, help the police and also act as guide dogs to help people who can't see . Oh look did you notice these bumps on the elevator bumps, that's Braille, people who can't see still read using their fingers. Oh look the hospital provides wheelchairs, people use them when they have problems walking. I used one after I gave birth. Some people can't walk at all and they use them all the time. That is a handicap spot, people who have a more difficult time getting to the store get to use those spaces. There's a ramp, there's handrails, some people have trouble moving and this helps them. Look at the interpreter (on tv), she's using sign language for people who can't hear.

I prefer to avoid specific people as examples, so far just pointing out things we see everyday is enough to get across to my kids general idea that all people are not the same and everyone has a different range of abilities. One of my kids has a friend that has a baby sister with DS, they don't notice it now, but I will make sure to explain DS to them in more detail as time goes on.

I hope you do this in private. Do you have any idea how painful and uncomfortable it is listening to you do your teaching moment? It doesn't matter if my child is with me or not, but somethings you want to tell someone to be more sensitive given the person they are talking about is right there.

You're a nut. I'm a NP, and it is evident that the PP is explaining these things to her kid as they see them, likely when no one else is around. Even if you are around, how in the world is it "painful" to hear that the bumps on the elevator are braille for people who can't see? That dogs are there to help people cross the street?? How is "uncomfortable" to hear that ramps help people who have difficulty with stairs?

You clearly don't have to live the life of a special needs child or family member. You get tired of hearing about it and living it 24/7. When you get it, please let us know.

So educate me. Seriously. Why is it painful to overhear an educated explanation to a child about the ways in which society attempts to assist people with disabilities? Why should a discussion about the existence of Braille be hushed until no one is around? Being blind/deaf/on a respirator/<fill in the blank> isn't shameful, and I don't think it should be treated as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't have a special needs child, but what I've found that works for us, is to explain disabilities in a general sense. Oh dogs can do useful things, like help rescue people, help the police and also act as guide dogs to help people who can't see . Oh look did you notice these bumps on the elevator bumps, that's Braille, people who can't see still read using their fingers. Oh look the hospital provides wheelchairs, people use them when they have problems walking. I used one after I gave birth. Some people can't walk at all and they use them all the time. That is a handicap spot, people who have a more difficult time getting to the store get to use those spaces. There's a ramp, there's handrails, some people have trouble moving and this helps them. Look at the interpreter (on tv), she's using sign language for people who can't hear.

I prefer to avoid specific people as examples, so far just pointing out things we see everyday is enough to get across to my kids general idea that all people are not the same and everyone has a different range of abilities. One of my kids has a friend that has a baby sister with DS, they don't notice it now, but I will make sure to explain DS to them in more detail as time goes on.

I hope you do this in private. Do you have any idea how painful and uncomfortable it is listening to you do your teaching moment? It doesn't matter if my child is with me or not, but somethings you want to tell someone to be more sensitive given the person they are talking about is right there.

You're a nut. I'm a NP, and it is evident that the PP is explaining these things to her kid as they see them, likely when no one else is around. Even if you are around, how in the world is it "painful" to hear that the bumps on the elevator are braille for people who can't see? That dogs are there to help people cross the street?? How is "uncomfortable" to hear that ramps help people who have difficulty with stairs?

You clearly don't have to live the life of a special needs child or family member. You get tired of hearing about it and living it 24/7. When you get it, please let us know.

So educate me. Seriously. Why is it painful to overhear an educated explanation to a child about the ways in which society attempts to assist people with disabilities? Why should a discussion about the existence of Braille be hushed until no one is around? Being blind/deaf/on a respirator/<fill in the blank> isn't shameful, and I don't think it should be treated as such.

For some it is a constant reminder that their child is not typical and never will be. We all have soft spots and vulnerabilities. Haven't we all snapped at our child when he asks (for the umpteenth time) "why". It can be like that 24/7/365/20+ years for parents of a child with a disability. Sometimes, we just run out of patience and don't want to be the educational/teaching moment for your child because we have already had the same conversation 17 times today already and 36 times yesterday and 23 times the day before that........ Talk to us like you would anyone else. At the swimming pool, talk about the weather, or whatever else you talk about with parents of non-SN children.