Playdate ettiquette (esp. re lateness)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We're going to be late (15 min) for this play date. It's at a park I've never been to. DD finished off her snacks without telling me and now we need to make a grocery run. I called the mom to warn her and she said we should just cancel. I said no, it would really disappoint the kids. Her reply was "Whatever."

Why are you blaming your daughter here? If she is young enough for playdates, she is too young to be snacking without you distributing them and, in the alternative, is too young to be charged with adding snacks to the grocery list. You must literally blame everyone you know for everything.

Not blaming my daughter just explaining why it caught me off guard. We keep her snacks in a drawer she can reach and encourage her to get her own snacks. She usually tells me when there's one left. It's never been an issue before.

I'm usually over prepared if I schedule things a day or two ahead. The mom called me an hour before to make arrangements so I didn't plan ahead. I started packing a day bag immediately, realized the drawer was empty, notified the mom, and within a few minutes she decided to cancel.

However, I do realize that this mom is probably unaware why I couldn't just grab a bag of fritos. I already sent her an apology text. She hasn't responded but I'm ok with that. Whoever said she didn't like me before, you may be right. I don't know her except for our daughters being in the same class, but that doesn't stop people from not liking others. I won't angst over it. My daughter and I picked up snacks and had a great afternoon at a park in our own neighborhood as I hope she and her daughter had in theirs.
I also don't know her side of things so I'm not judging her. I was just curious if 15 minutes was a deal-breaker in this area. Overwhelmingly, it is (and with such anger involved). So I know for the future.

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Sounds like you've done your best, OP. And she doesn't sound all that nice, but as you say, who knows what her morning was like. Not everyone is rigid about time (I'm not, bc I'm also sometimes on the other end of the stick), but a lot are. This is not an easygoing area, as you will soon see.

Thanks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm never late and I cannot stand when other people are late. I work hard to get my three kids and huge dog ready to go someplace and arrive on time - and I expect others to do the same. You were WAY WRONG, OP.

+1 At least the other mother didn't play passive-aggressive and seethe through the whole play date. Instead she was honest by saying "whatever" and letting you know that she was not really OK with it.

[Anonymous]

OP, just curious- how late were you when you called? Since it was 30 minutes away, I'm assuming you called at least 20 minutes before the playdate was to start? Then it is weird of the other mom. But if you were already late and said it would be another 15 (on top of your 30 minute drive), then I think you were in the wrong.

[Anonymous]

Well, I think it is rude for people to be late, unless it is unavoidable, and if your kid is still young enough for play dates, you are responsible for making sure she has the food she needs (not sure why you are trying to put it on her). But the other mom overreacted. If the lateness inconvenienced me, I would find a way to let the other person know politely - e.g., "Oh, that's too bad because we only had an hour carved out to play because of Billy's swim lesson. We hope to see you guys here soon to enjoy the time that the kids have together."

[Anonymous]

I'm just curious now, what's your kid's medical condition that requires the snacks OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't care if you were 15 minutes late and would appreciate the call. In fact, I probably wouldn't be bothered if you didn't show at all, provided you called to let me know and the park was not out of my way. It sounds like you have a reasonable excuse (no snacks for DC at the park).

I would also never say "whatever" to another person. She sounds rude and immature.

Sounds like you will have a better time without her. Enjoy a wonderful day at the park with your kids!

+1 The other mother's response was uncalled for. I definitely would not plan another playdate with them.

[Anonymous]

It's a playdate. Not a wedding. Kids' needs can change fast and come first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:pared if I schedule things a day or two ahead. The mom called me an hour before to make arrangements so I didn't plan ahead. I started packing a day bag immediately, realized the drawer was empty, notified the mom, and within a few minutes she decided to cancel.

However, I do realize that this mom is probably unaware why I couldn't just grab a bag of fritos. I already sent her an apology text. She hasn't responded but I'm ok with that. Whoever said she didn't like me before, you may be right. I don't know her except for our daughters being in the same class, but that doesn't stop people from not liking others. I won't angst over it. My daughter and I picked up snacks and had a great afternoon at a park in our own neighborhood as I hope she and her daughter had in theirs.
I also don't know her side of things so I'm not judging her. I was just curious if 15 minutes was a deal-breaker in this area. Overwhelmingly, it is (and with such anger involved). So I know for the future.

OP, no, I don't think 15 minutes is a big deal, at all. And a lot of people here posted that.

Given that this was put together at the last minute, and that you were willing to drive 30 minutes to her playground.. I think you were perfectly reasonable. You did everything right. Not knowing the other mom, my guess is that she was trying to squeeze this playdate into a tight time frame... who knows why or what she had planned after; and that she didn't understand it would literally take you just 5 extra minutes to pop in and out of the store, etc. Or she really wanted to cancel the play date because something else came up (which may have been why she waited to plan the playmate till an hour before hand.) She does sound immature, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just curious now, what's your kid's medical condition that requires the snacks OP?

Of for Pete's sake people -- it is probably something like hypoglycemia; or some other condition where it helps to have regular high protein snacks throughout the day.

[Anonymous]

The other mom is whack. If 15 min is going to make or break a playdate, shouldn't have made one in the first place. And who says 'whatever' to a question like this? Better off without her.

[Anonymous]

how on earth did this discussion go for 5 pages.

I'd be annoyed that someone was late for your crazy reason (it does sound crazy since you are clearly too close to the edge if the med condition is this severe and one missing leads to all this drama)

[Anonymous]

I doubt the other mother was mad. Just easier to cancel given whatever was going on in her day/life. A playdate in a park is no big deal - it is a whatever. Really doesn't matter.

[Anonymous]

My guess is that she rushed to make this happen for her child since you called only an hour before, and then you called back to say you'd be late to a last-minute play date you initiated. She probably felt like she was working with someone a little wacky. I mean, you live across town from one another, call at the moment you want to meet, THEN discover a problem with the plan you initiated ... It all sounds exhausting to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just curious now, what's your kid's medical condition that requires the snacks OP?

Of for Pete's sake people -- it is probably something like hypoglycemia; or some other condition where it helps to have regular high protein snacks throughout the day.

Here's what doesn't make sense to me. OP's DD is old enough that OP relies on the DD to tell her when there's only one snack left in the drawer. Yet somehow OP's DD is also young enough that OP feels the need to pack a "day bag" to go to a park a half hour away. How old do both these facts combined make the DD? I just can't figure that out. By the time my DD was 3 I didn't pack a bag to take her out for the entire day - 12-14 hours. So how old is this kid?

[Anonymous]

It's the special needs trump card. It's ok that I am going to inconvenience you because my kid has mild special needs. The milder the special needs the more it is brought out. I would never begrudge a mom with a kid with moderate to severe needs from being late. My cousin whose kid is nonverbal with severe autism is always on time.