Family wants me to help them with baby #2, after tension. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

I'm the OP of this, and as expected, they asked me for help when their daughter was born. I'm happy for them, glad everyone is healthy, but really tired of being called on only when they want or need something. It'd be different if they were sympathetic after the first time and cared to listen to my frustrations, and things weren't so completely one sided.

We're currently not speaking. I'm not going to lash out because I know they have their hands full, but I hate when people only keep you close because they just want you to do stuff for them.

[Anonymous]

Congratulatiosn on standing up for yourself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP of this, and as expected, they asked me for help when their daughter was born. I'm happy for them, glad everyone is healthy, but really tired of being called on only when they want or need something. It'd be different if they were sympathetic after the first time and cared to listen to my frustrations, and things weren't so completely one sided.

We're currently not speaking. I'm not going to lash out because I know they have their hands full, but I hate when people only keep you close because they just want you to do stuff for them.

That's tough, OP. Best of luck!

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update, OP. Sorry things turned out like you expected but good job standing firm!

[Anonymous]

OP, good for you for breaking the cycle. They're going to try to find reasons to pitch this to other family members as your fault. Don't give them any material they can use.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, good for you for breaking the cycle. They're going to try to find reasons to pitch this to other family members as your fault. Don't give them any material they can use.

++ Good for you, OP. I was gonna say..4 months? yeah your sibling is a user but to be used for 4 months, that's on you too. Glad you stood up for yourself, good job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats...send pics when the baby is born.
They will get the picture. Sound kind a pair of users!

Sounds good to me. Congrats but no offer of help.

If they directly ask you...I wouldn't bring up the past what's the point. I think I would just say thank you for appreciating my childcare but my schedule is to busy these days for extended help maybe you can enlist, mom, friend or hire an assistant for a couple of months.

[Anonymous]

OP, they are using emotional manipulation to (try to) get what they want. This is learned behavior. They may not even realize they are doing it, but that doesn't change that it's absolutely wrong. The best reasons why you should not go along (with their original request) is this: you need to set a good example. You are more likely to influence someone close to you - in a good way. If family/friends continue in their toxic style of relationships, let it be without your participation.

[Anonymous]

Great job OP!

I love how someone in this thread said that no "reasonable person" would ask you again...clearly they haven't ever had to deal with some one this unreasonable, immature, selfish and manipulative.

Glad you stood your ground.

[Anonymous]

How old are you OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP of this, and as expected, they asked me for help when their daughter was born. I'm happy for them, glad everyone is healthy, but really tired of being called on only when they want or need something. It'd be different if they were sympathetic after the first time and cared to listen to my frustrations, and things weren't so completely one sided.

We're currently not speaking. I'm not going to lash out because I know they have their hands full, but I hate when people only keep you close because they just want you to do stuff for them.

Good for you, OP. I hope you'll be able to develop a good relationship with your niece and her sibling as they grow up. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the OP of this, and as expected, they asked me for help when their daughter was born. I'm happy for them, glad everyone is healthy, but really tired of being called on only when they want or need something. It'd be different if they were sympathetic after the first time and cared to listen to my frustrations, and things weren't so completely one sided.

We're currently not speaking. I'm not going to lash out because I know they have their hands full, but I hate when people only keep you close because they just want you to do stuff for them.

Good for you for standing your ground. They're trying to emotionally manipulate you. The best thing for you and your relationship with your siblings is to stand your ground and let them know that you won't tolerate their manipulation. The worst thing you can do with a manipulator is to give in to their tactics, you will only become increasingly frustrated and it will reinforce their delirious view of your relationship. I'm working towards my doctorate in psychology so I'd like to think I know I'm talking about. If you'd like further advice feel free to post here again. I will say the English as a second So please forgive the typos

[Anonymous]

No one can take advantage of you without your permission. Just keep telling yourself that over and over again. It helped me finally get some control over my life.

You are a good person.

Signed,

Recovered family doormat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, they are using emotional manipulation to (try to) get what they want. This is learned behavior. They may not even realize they are doing it, but that doesn't change that it's absolutely wrong. The best reasons why you should not go along (with their original request) is this: you need to set a good example. You are more likely to influence someone close to you - in a good way. If family/friends continue in their toxic style of relationships, let it be without your participation.

Agree. Sorry to hear about this, OP. But you are doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are you OP?

Completely irrelevant. Family members of all ages, are known to take advantage of other family members (or all ages). It may take some of us a little longer/later to say "no" and put your foot down, but I don't see what relevance age (or pp's question about income) have to do with it. Because a lot of times, it's not just the things people do or don't do, but how others respond to your feeling hurt, upset, used, etc. How someone responds is often much more revealing than what set off the feelings in the first place.

Good family members that you extensively help out, no matter the details, don't ignore or dismiss you. They just don't. And they certainly don't come back for "seconds."