Help Me with Being One and Done

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I know your post was made with only good intentions but there is a world of difference between not being able to have more than one and not being able to have more than 2. Please be sensitive to that difference.

Like why??? Why is having just one and wanting more "a world of difference" from having 2 and wanting more, that we have to be super sensitive about and sympathize? If PP always dreamt of 4 and could not have more than 2, she deserves the same empathy as a mom who wants 2 and can have only 1.

There is really really nothing wrong with having one child that it needs to be treated as a special case and a general tragedy.

It's different because your children at least have a sibling. I am experiencing secondary infertility after my first and have to field my son's questions about when a brother or sister is coming. It's hard. You really wouldn't understand that.

[Anonymous]

The best thing is to just be honest. Explain that you would like to have another child but you cannot. Leave your feelings out of it as much as you can. Just say you feel sad but that you also feel lucky and blessed to have the one child. Being an only child isn't as big of a deal for the kid as people make it out to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP I know your post was made with only good intentions but there is a world of difference between not being able to have more than one and not being able to have more than 2. Please be sensitive to that difference.

Like why??? Why is having just one and wanting more "a world of difference" from having 2 and wanting more, that we have to be super sensitive about and sympathize? If PP always dreamt of 4 and could not have more than 2, she deserves the same empathy as a mom who wants 2 and can have only 1.

There is really really nothing wrong with having one child that it needs to be treated as a special case and a general tragedy.

It's different because your children at least have a sibling. I am experiencing secondary infertility after my first and have to field my son's questions about when a brother or sister is coming. It's hard. You really wouldn't understand that.

I am the PP you quote. And I get it, read my recent post. I have secondary infertility as well. Would love for my child to have a sibling.
You dont give your child everything he wants and asks for.
It is more of a social cultural guilt that is gnawing at the parents. And that century old stigma against the only child.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm sorry. You could get a really hard 2nd baby and then it change you so much that you wish you hadn't. You don't know what situation you'd end up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be in a similar place as you. We have a wonderful 14 week old. It took a major surgery, several other procedures and IVF to get her here. We are very grateful to have her. I would like to have another in an ideal world, but I don't think we can afford it. It does not help when I have people like my BIL's wife telling me that we new to have another so our child 'won't be miserable' like their only child; nice, right? I didn't get married until I was 36 and will be 39 in a month. Time and money are not on my side.

I don't have any great advice for you. Just would like you to feel like you're not alone. I appreciate your post and all of the encouragement provided by the PPs. I'm going to try to take some of it to heart .

Reading this thread because I'm in OP's same shoes. We've spent buckets of money and I don't know how much more I can justify. Even if you can get yourself moved along, it's the other people who bring you back, as in my mom's comments about my child learning how to play alone, or everytime someone asks me how many I have and I have to say "Just one." It's just so painful.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's painful at all! I relish the thought of all the attention, love, and resources I will be able to lavish on my only child.