Wife and I don't see eye-to-eye on money

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband panics if we go below $15,000 in the checking account and $25,000 in the emergency fund every month. He'd drop dead if I spent $15,000 in a month.

I might just do it. Just kidding.

OP, does your wife realize a lot of people only make $15,000 a YEAR ? If she did she wouldn't be so damn entitled to spend your hard earned money.

Cut the bitch off !!

It is THEIR money. They are married, and whatever one earns and brings to the table, becomes the family's. It is not HIS money. Hence...uh, court mandated spousal support.

Stop shitting on SAHMs and devaluing their contribution. I have worked nonstop since before I got married, but really, sometimes the vitriol hurled at SAHMs, especially SAHMs of high-earning men, is quite incredible. If I spent a lot of money one month, my DH should tell me about it if it bothers him, but not because of some weird what-percentage-did-i-make vs. her calculation.

You're right - its their money not HERS to piss away. That's the issue.

[Anonymous]

SAHMs:

We know what the value is for a SAHM because there is a market for the replacement of them - nannys.

You can have an experienced live in nanny for $40-50k. Housekeeper once a week for another $7500 per year.

So SAHM: your value to the household is around $60k MAX.

So please please please stop acting like its the "hardest job in the world" or that the value is some incalculably high number, it just isnt.

and btw folks, just because you are married doesn't mean everything has to be shared 100%. my wife and I keep separate bank accounts. we receive our paychecks and then contribute a fixed amount to the joint account. we retain the rest for use as we see fit.

I make 3:1 so naturally I get to retain a lot more.

We contribute 50/50 to household duties and have a nanny+housekeeper.

this is the modern approach

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the responses.

Bottom line is you need to work with wife to come up with a budget you can both live with. This should include a discussion of fun money that you don't have to account for with the other person ...you may want that to go in a separate or near separate account so the other person doesn't have to balance that. I like to use a certain credit card for my expenses, I.e. if i decided to buy a nice purse or go clothes shopping and I pay that out of my fun money. Whatever the amount you come up with it needs to be the same not that you get $4000 and she gets $600. Have a threshold for joint expenses I.e. I won't go out a buy a tv without a discussion with DH.

Also, at some point start talking about how things will be with the kids and money. Will the kids get toys year round when they ask for it in the store, will they get toys only holidays and birthdays with few exceptions (like a art pad here,mirthless $5 toy there). We are starting our kids with allowances and chores soon and hope to start teaching them good money habits.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs:

We know what the value is for a SAHM because there is a market for the replacement of them - nannys.

You can have an experienced live in nanny for $40-50k. Housekeeper once a week for another $7500 per year.

So SAHM: your value to the household is around $60k MAX.

So please please please stop acting like its the "hardest job in the world" or that the value is some incalculably high number, it just isnt.

and btw folks, just because you are married doesn't mean everything has to be shared 100%. my wife and I keep separate bank accounts. we receive our paychecks and then contribute a fixed amount to the joint account. we retain the rest for use as we see fit.

I make 3:1 so naturally I get to retain a lot more.

We contribute 50/50 to household duties and have a nanny+housekeeper.

this is the modern approach

I am a FT working mom and I think you sound awful. I bet your wife is not crazy about your weird financial division. We share all our income, consult on every major purchase, and would never, ever make the lower earner feel less valued in our marriage. That isn't kind, and it certainly isn't "modern."

[Anonymous]

Is it accurate that she really only wasted $2000 on gifts and the rest was for normal expenses? If so, that's not very much. Granted, I wouldn't waste $2k on Christmas gifts, but it's a small amount compared to your income. I do think a budget would be a good thing for you and your wife so that you are both on the same page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs:

We know what the value is for a SAHM because there is a market for the replacement of them - nannys.

You can have an experienced live in nanny for $40-50k. Housekeeper once a week for another $7500 per year.

So SAHM: your value to the household is around $60k MAX.

So please please please stop acting like its the "hardest job in the world" or that the value is some incalculably high number, it just isnt.

and btw folks, just because you are married doesn't mean everything has to be shared 100%. my wife and I keep separate bank accounts. we receive our paychecks and then contribute a fixed amount to the joint account. we retain the rest for use as we see fit.

I make 3:1 so naturally I get to retain a lot more.

We contribute 50/50 to household duties and have a nanny+housekeeper.

this is the modern approach

I am a FT working mom and I think you sound awful. I bet your wife is not crazy about your weird financial division. We share all our income, consult on every major purchase, and would never, ever make the lower earner feel less valued in our marriage. That isn't kind, and it certainly isn't "modern."

why is it awful that we should each contribute 50/50 to expenses and labor?

why are you entitled to my earnings because you have a vagina?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs:

We know what the value is for a SAHM because there is a market for the replacement of them - nannys.

You can have an experienced live in nanny for $40-50k. Housekeeper once a week for another $7500 per year.

So SAHM: your value to the household is around $60k MAX.

So please please please stop acting like its the "hardest job in the world" or that the value is some incalculably high number, it just isnt.

and btw folks, just because you are married doesn't mean everything has to be shared 100%. my wife and I keep separate bank accounts. we receive our paychecks and then contribute a fixed amount to the joint account. we retain the rest for use as we see fit.

I make 3:1 so naturally I get to retain a lot more.

We contribute 50/50 to household duties and have a nanny+housekeeper.

this is the modern approach

I am a FT working mom and I think you sound awful. I bet your wife is not crazy about your weird financial division. We share all our income, consult on every major purchase, and would never, ever make the lower earner feel less valued in our marriage. That isn't kind, and it certainly isn't "modern."

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs:

We know what the value is for a SAHM because there is a market for the replacement of them - nannys.

You can have an experienced live in nanny for $40-50k. Housekeeper once a week for another $7500 per year.

So SAHM: your value to the household is around $60k MAX.

So please please please stop acting like its the "hardest job in the world" or that the value is some incalculably high number, it just isnt.

and btw folks, just because you are married doesn't mean everything has to be shared 100%. my wife and I keep separate bank accounts. we receive our paychecks and then contribute a fixed amount to the joint account. we retain the rest for use as we see fit.

I make 3:1 so naturally I get to retain a lot more.

We contribute 50/50 to household duties and have a nanny+housekeeper.

this is the modern approach

I am a FT working mom and I think you sound awful. I bet your wife is not crazy about your weird financial division. We share all our income, consult on every major purchase, and would never, ever make the lower earner feel less valued in our marriage. That isn't kind, and it certainly isn't "modern."

why is it awful that we should each contribute 50/50 to expenses and labor?

why are you entitled to my earnings because you have a vagina?

In a normal family there is no "my money" and "your money", certainly not to the extent you are describing. Your marriage sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs:

We know what the value is for a SAHM because there is a market for the replacement of them - nannys.

You can have an experienced live in nanny for $40-50k. Housekeeper once a week for another $7500 per year.

So SAHM: your value to the household is around $60k MAX.

So please please please stop acting like its the "hardest job in the world" or that the value is some incalculably high number, it just isnt.

and btw folks, just because you are married doesn't mean everything has to be shared 100%. my wife and I keep separate bank accounts. we receive our paychecks and then contribute a fixed amount to the joint account. we retain the rest for use as we see fit.

I make 3:1 so naturally I get to retain a lot more.

We contribute 50/50 to household duties and have a nanny+housekeeper.

this is the modern approach

I am a FT working mom and I think you sound awful. I bet your wife is not crazy about your weird financial division. We share all our income, consult on every major purchase, and would never, ever make the lower earner feel less valued in our marriage. That isn't kind, and it certainly isn't "modern."

why is it awful that we should each contribute 50/50 to expenses and labor?

why are you entitled to my earnings because you have a vagina?

In a normal family there is no "my money" and "your money", certainly not to the extent you are describing. Your marriage sucks.

+1. You sound like a filthy tool PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Yes, we went through $15,000 in 30 days. Just to explain a few of the items:

1. Mortgage was $3500
2. One car payment of $350 (other car is paid off)
3. Insurance $1000
4. Food was probably $500-600
5. Bills, etc.

You make $12K a month and your car is not paid off??? Are you kidding me? With this kind of income you can pay off your mortgage in no time.
You seriously need some Dave Ramsey boot camp.

You have no idea what their situation is. We make well over 12K/month and our cars are not paid off. They're at 1.49% interest rates and we have PLENTY of student loans we're paying off first that have higher rates. Try keeping your obnoxious, uninformed and useless comments to yourself.

WOW. Not pp, but clearly you need Dave Ramsey boot camp, too. If you have THAT much in student loans you have no business going into debt for a car, much less two!!! Stop being so defensive and start getting out of debt!

Wow you're a genius. People need cars to get to work. To earn money. To pay off their debts!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SAHMs:

We know what the value is for a SAHM because there is a market for the replacement of them - nannys.

You can have an experienced live in nanny for $40-50k. Housekeeper once a week for another $7500 per year.

So SAHM: your value to the household is around $60k MAX.

So please please please stop acting like its the "hardest job in the world" or that the value is some incalculably high number, it just isnt.

and btw folks, just because you are married doesn't mean everything has to be shared 100%. my wife and I keep separate bank accounts. we receive our paychecks and then contribute a fixed amount to the joint account. we retain the rest for use as we see fit.

I make 3:1 so naturally I get to retain a lot more.

We contribute 50/50 to household duties and have a nanny+housekeeper.

this is the modern approach

Obvious troll.

[Anonymous]

No, no troll.

I'm the 50/50 guy.

Wife and I split all household duties 50/50 and all expenses 50/50

Seriously, please tell me why I am a piece of shit because of this??

How is 50/50 for everything "weird?"

We believe in equality in our household, equal work and equal share of expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, no troll.

I'm the 50/50 guy.

Wife and I split all household duties 50/50 and all expenses 50/50

Seriously, please tell me why I am a piece of shit because of this??

How is 50/50 for everything "weird?"

We believe in equality in our household, equal work and equal share of expenses.

It's not 50/50. It's 3:1 as you said. It's not really "yours" though, unless you have a prenup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, no troll.

I'm the 50/50 guy.

Wife and I split all household duties 50/50 and all expenses 50/50

Seriously, please tell me why I am a piece of shit because of this??

How is 50/50 for everything "weird?"

We believe in equality in our household, equal work and equal share of expenses.

It's not 50/50. It's 3:1 as you said. It's not really "yours" though, unless you have a prenup.

yes all expenses are calculated and then we each contribute 50% of the expenses to the joint account.

how is that not 50/50?

mine is mine, hers is hers, and ours is ours

we are a married couple keeping separate and distinct banking and savings with a written agreement to share all joint expenses 50/50. a judge looking at that in a divorce scenario would be hard pressed to declare spousal support or anything else another than a division of the assets we have already declared bilaterally as jointly held, such as a home if we were to purchase one together.

Why the women on here think this makes me a terrible person is beyond me. Wife has no interest in claiming my income as her own because she is her own equal person with a right to work and secure her own income and assets.

we jointly pay for a nanny and a housekeeper , and jointly contribute to household duties.

Please tell me where the inequity is? Where does the outrage come from?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, no troll.

I'm the 50/50 guy.

Wife and I split all household duties 50/50 and all expenses 50/50

Seriously, please tell me why I am a piece of shit because of this??

How is 50/50 for everything "weird?"

We believe in equality in our household, equal work and equal share of expenses.

How much did you pay her for the physical toll of carrying your children and birthing them? I hear surrogates and donor eggs can run into 6 digits, whereas sperm donation costs just a few hundred dollars. I hope you appropriately compensated her for that so your marriage could remain "modern" and "equal".

Did she breastfeed? That's at least a 2-3 hour day a job. Not to mention more physical toll.

Point is- it's impossible to keep things "equal" in a marriage even in these modern times. I'm glad I'm not married to you pp, you sound like a pita.