Wife and I don't see eye-to-eye on money

[Anonymous]

I can spend money but 15K in 30 days? My DH would be having a shit fit for sure if I spent that much money in one month!!!

Did your wife tell you what she bought for 15K????

[Anonymous]

Really hard to assess this without having any idea what the money was spent on. We recently bought a house with significant maintenance needs, and even though DH and I talk about spending I'm the one paying the bills, so he still seems to get a shock when he sees the actual payments. So depending on the situation I could see spending 15K in a month if it included things like a major house repair + all holiday spending + vacation purchases + quarterly taxes, etc. But for just off the cuff spending that amount is insane,

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Really hard to assess this without having any idea what the money was spent on. We recently bought a house with significant maintenance needs, and even though DH and I talk about spending I'm the one paying the bills, so he still seems to get a shock when he sees the actual payments. So depending on the situation I could see spending 15K in a month if it included things like a major house repair + all holiday spending + vacation purchases + quarterly taxes, etc. But for just off the cuff spending that amount is insane,

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was raised with really bad money habits and was poor. DH and I had a lot of fights about money until we had a come to Jesus talk.

Here's what works for us now:

- I pay all our bills.
- I give myself a monthly budget that's solely for me (gifts for friends, lunches, pedicures, buying flowers for the house, extra clothes, etc.)
- DH and I have a set amount we spend on Family Needs (clothes for the kids, groceries, clothes for us) and Family Wants (vacations, sports tickets, pool membership, etc.)
- Neither of us buy anything over $200 without talking to the other one
- Neither of us spend more than $200 in one day without talking to each other
- We have a Finance Committee Meeting every three months to review our spending habits, our future spending plans, etc.

Finance Committee Meetings take about an hour and about one bottle of wine. No yelling is permitted.

That is super cute, PP. I'm glad you guys found out a system that works.

[Anonymous]

Your wife spent 1/3 of my annual income in a month. Did she buy a car?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really hard to assess this without having any idea what the money was spent on. We recently bought a house with significant maintenance needs, and even though DH and I talk about spending I'm the one paying the bills, so he still seems to get a shock when he sees the actual payments. So depending on the situation I could see spending 15K in a month if it included things like a major house repair + all holiday spending + vacation purchases + quarterly taxes, etc. But for just off the cuff spending that amount is insane,

This.

Also, this.

I am going to stop reading this silly post. OP does not provide specifics. Without it, it's just a waste of time.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

Thanks for the responses. I know what was purchased. I can see everything online. To preference this with some more information, I deposit $12,000 into our joint account every month. Then I move a portion of that into a separate savings account. But, since it was near the holidays I decided not to move any into savings for December.

Yes, we went through $15,000 in 30 days. Just to explain a few of the items:

1. Mortgage was $3500
2. One car payment of $350 (other car is paid off)
3. Insurance $1000
4. Food was probably $500-600
5. Bills, etc.

Now, the rest was spent on...shopping. Yup. I did a quick scan of the statement and I calculated she spent over $2000 from two online stores - Zulilly and Amazon. And, that was just those two stores.

I understand it's Christmas and it's the holidays and there are sales all over the place. But, damn...what upsets me is that she doesn't even seem shocked or stressed by it. We are very well off as is my immediate family. But, we never act as if the money we make grows on trees. My parents worked, literally, 60-70 hours a week when I was a child. I just don't get it...how she can be so obtuse about having $15,000 one month and the very next month it being - gone.

[Anonymous]

I have no words OP. $15,000 is over half my income for the YEAR. This makes me want to barf.

You need to have a real come-to-jesus with her, but frankly I couldn't be married to someone like this. I would have zero respect for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks for the responses. I know what was purchased. I can see everything online. To preference this with some more information, I deposit $12,000 into our joint account every month. Then I move a portion of that into a separate savings account. But, since it was near the holidays I decided not to move any into savings for December.

Yes, we went through $15,000 in 30 days. Just to explain a few of the items:

1. Mortgage was $3500
2. One car payment of $350 (other car is paid off)
3. Insurance $1000
4. Food was probably $500-600
5. Bills, etc.

Now, the rest was spent on...shopping. Yup. I did a quick scan of the statement and I calculated she spent over $2000 from two online stores - Zulilly and Amazon. And, that was just those two stores.

I understand it's Christmas and it's the holidays and there are sales all over the place. But, damn...what upsets me is that she doesn't even seem shocked or stressed by it. We are very well off as is my immediate family. But, we never act as if the money we make grows on trees. My parents worked, literally, 60-70 hours a week when I was a child. I just don't get it...how she can be so obtuse about having $15,000 one month and the very next month it being - gone.

The other 7,500 was also on shopping? Do you have room to walk in the house? Did she give extravagant christmas gifts?
How many kids? Sounds like just one?

[Anonymous]

OP, what are your regular monthly expenses? How much above that did she spend? Our monthly expenses are about 15K per month so that doesn't seem crazy to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks for the responses. I know what was purchased. I can see everything online. To preference this with some more information, I deposit $12,000 into our joint account every month. Then I move a portion of that into a separate savings account. But, since it was near the holidays I decided not to move any into savings for December.

Yes, we went through $15,000 in 30 days. Just to explain a few of the items:

1. Mortgage was $3500
2. One car payment of $350 (other car is paid off)
3. Insurance $1000
4. Food was probably $500-600
5. Bills, etc.

Now, the rest was spent on...shopping. Yup. I did a quick scan of the statement and I calculated she spent over $2000 from two online stores - Zulilly and Amazon. And, that was just those two stores.

I understand it's Christmas and it's the holidays and there are sales all over the place. But, damn...what upsets me is that she doesn't even seem shocked or stressed by it. We are very well off as is my immediate family. But, we never act as if the money we make grows on trees. My parents worked, literally, 60-70 hours a week when I was a child. I just don't get it...how she can be so obtuse about having $15,000 one month and the very next month it being - gone.

The other 7,500 was also on shopping? Do you have room to walk in the house? Did she give extravagant christmas gifts?
How many kids? Sounds like just one?

How much was in "5. Bills, etc." I'm going to guess at least 2,000? Also, food of 5-600 is low for an entire month. Assuming that doesn't include eating out?

How much was for gifts for your extended family and hers? That costs us a lot in December. Tipping service people is also pricey. Some of that might have been put on the card.

[Anonymous]

I call bull

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks for the responses. I know what was purchased. I can see everything online. To preference this with some more information, I deposit $12,000 into our joint account every month. Then I move a portion of that into a separate savings account. But, since it was near the holidays I decided not to move any into savings for December.

Yes, we went through $15,000 in 30 days. Just to explain a few of the items:

1. Mortgage was $3500
2. One car payment of $350 (other car is paid off)
3. Insurance $1000
4. Food was probably $500-600
5. Bills, etc.

Now, the rest was spent on...shopping. Yup. I did a quick scan of the statement and I calculated she spent over $2000 from two online stores - Zulilly and Amazon. And, that was just those two stores.

I understand it's Christmas and it's the holidays and there are sales all over the place. But, damn...what upsets me is that she doesn't even seem shocked or stressed by it. We are very well off as is my immediate family. But, we never act as if the money we make grows on trees. My parents worked, literally, 60-70 hours a week when I was a child. I just don't get it...how she can be so obtuse about having $15,000 one month and the very next month it being - gone.

OP, you should be going over the purchases with your wife to see how frivolous they truly are. Was she responsible for purchasing all the gifts for family, friends, and other giftees? I also do a lot of shopping on Amazon for household items like toiletries, food, cleaning supplies, etc, because the prices are competitive and I get free shipping. What is your HHI? That would be a good indicator of whether she is indeed "obtuse" or just spending in line with others at her socio-economic level. I pay the bills in my household and there was a lot in our account at the beginning of last month and close to the minimum balance left at the end because we had property taxes, doctor bills, tuition, auto insurance, charitable donations, together with holiday purchases. My husband asked me the same question and i was able to explain the difference. Your wife should be able to, also. If she cannot, you need to be more involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

Thanks for the responses. I know what was purchased. I can see everything online. To preference this with some more information, I deposit $12,000 into our joint account every month. Then I move a portion of that into a separate savings account. But, since it was near the holidays I decided not to move any into savings for December.

Yes, we went through $15,000 in 30 days. Just to explain a few of the items:

1. Mortgage was $3500
2. One car payment of $350 (other car is paid off)
3. Insurance $1000
4. Food was probably $500-600
5. Bills, etc.

Now, the rest was spent on...shopping. Yup. I did a quick scan of the statement and I calculated she spent over $2000 from two online stores - Zulilly and Amazon. And, that was just those two stores.

I understand it's Christmas and it's the holidays and there are sales all over the place. But, damn...what upsets me is that she doesn't even seem shocked or stressed by it. We are very well off as is my immediate family. But, we never act as if the money we make grows on trees. My parents worked, literally, 60-70 hours a week when I was a child. I just don't get it...how she can be so obtuse about having $15,000 one month and the very next month it being - gone.

OP, you should be going over the purchases with your wife to see how frivolous they truly are. Was she responsible for purchasing all the gifts for family, friends, and other giftees? I also do a lot of shopping on Amazon for household items like toiletries, food, cleaning supplies, etc, because the prices are competitive and I get free shipping. What is your HHI? That would be a good indicator of whether she is indeed "obtuse" or just spending in line with others at her socio-economic level. I pay the bills in my household and there was a lot in our account at the beginning of last month and close to the minimum balance left at the end because we had property taxes, doctor bills, tuition, auto insurance, charitable donations, together with holiday purchases. My husband asked me the same question and i was able to explain the difference. Your wife should be able to, also. If she cannot, you need to be more involved.

+1. Thread over.

[Anonymous]

Good lord OP. I can't remember the last time I had $16k in the bank. YOU need to look at your account and figure out where all this money is going. If your wife must have money for nails, hair, gym, clothes, more and more shoes, whatever - put her on a budget. A nice, generous budget. But nobody should be blowing through that much money. Unless they have a coke habit!