Wife and I don't see eye-to-eye on money

[Anonymous]

My wife and I are very different when it comes to money. My parents worked very hard and were very tough on me and my siblings. My wife's parents worked hard also but they weren't hard on her or her siblings. They were, to much a degree, spoiled.

Today, I work and my wife stays home with our baby. I'm okay with this. In fact I pushed her to stay at home instead of work because I make way more than enough money for the entire family. But, often times I feel she takes for granted the money we have. She doesn't appreciate how hard it is to make a lot of money.

This morning I woke up to an alert email from our joint bank account saying we had $1,500 left. 30 days ago the balance was over $16,000 (no, that's not a typo). I was frustrated. How did we burn through $15,000 in 30 days??? I told my wife what the balance was before I left for work and she didn't bat an eye... While I understand she has never felt pressure or stress for money...it really annoys me when she just don't get it or care.

Sorry for the rant...just very upset over this and how hard it is to make as much as I do.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just to clarify our joint account is just our spend account. I have savings elsewhere. But, our joint account was set up for all our spending (bills, food, etc). We have plenty in savings.

[Anonymous]

When you have money in the joint account, put some of it into CD's so that it isn't quite as liquid. You can still get the money with a penalty if needed, but it isn't just sitting there to be spent. Have them auto-roll back into CD's unless you contact the bank to have the money put into your savings/checking account when the current CD expires. That makes it harder to spend that money easily. It also keeps the money less visible so that she can't see the balance and think "I've got plenty of room to spend," but she still has access to the money in an emergency.

[Anonymous]

kids are expensive, this won't be the last time this happens

[Anonymous]

I don't know what your expenses are, but going through $15k isn't that easy with normal expenses in this area. Having said that, our expenses are no way near that. I also SAH and while my DH makes good money, I don't take it for granted and try to save where I can.

[Anonymous]

Wasn't she like that before you got married? Interesting to know what she bought.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know what your expenses are, but going through $15k isn't that easy with normal expenses in this area. Having said that, our expenses are no way near that. I also SAH and while my DH makes good money, I don't take it for granted and try to save where I can.

This is me as well. Have you asked her where the money went? Honestly, I'd be worried something was going on that she needed that money for. Have you actually sat down with her and asked her what she used it on?

[Anonymous]

I was raised with really bad money habits and was poor. DH and I had a lot of fights about money until we had a come to Jesus talk.

Here's what works for us now:

- I pay all our bills.
- I give myself a monthly budget that's solely for me (gifts for friends, lunches, pedicures, buying flowers for the house, extra clothes, etc.)
- DH and I have a set amount we spend on Family Needs (clothes for the kids, groceries, clothes for us) and Family Wants (vacations, sports tickets, pool membership, etc.)
- Neither of us buy anything over $200 without talking to the other one
- Neither of us spend more than $200 in one day without talking to each other
- We have a Finance Committee Meeting every three months to review our spending habits, our future spending plans, etc.

Finance Committee Meetings take about an hour and about one bottle of wine. No yelling is permitted.

[Anonymous]

Let me pick my jaw up off the floor. $15,000 in 30 days? That's ridiculous.

We don't live in DC. I SAH with our children while DH works a career that is his dream but doesn't bring home enough. Clarification: We make his pay work but for the job he does, he should be making a lot more.

It KILLS me when I see these posts. Let me switch places with her spoiled behind. She'll come back to you realizing just how wonderful she has it.

[Anonymous]

DH and I never fought about money, but we do have a set plan (I wasn't very good with money/credit cards in my early 20s)

- DH pays all bills/puts money away for savings
- I give myself a monthly budget (DH helped me work one out) for fun things. Clothes, going out with friends, spa treatments, etc.
- DH has a similar monthly budget
- We have a set amount for groceries each month (I'm in charge of grocery shopping and I keep the budget) This includes diapers for our 1 year old
-We have a set amount for vacations/entertainment/fun stuff
- If we have a big purchase we discuss it together

Like I said, I was terrible with money and racked up some decent credit card debt. Thankfully I understand this now and with a supportive/non judgmental and critical husband, we are able to work on this without arguing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me pick my jaw up off the floor. $15,000 in 30 days? That's ridiculous.

We don't live in DC. I SAH with our children while DH works a career that is his dream but doesn't bring home enough. Clarification: We make his pay work but for the job he does, he should be making a lot more.

It KILLS me when I see these posts. Let me switch places with her spoiled behind. She'll come back to you realizing just how wonderful she has it.

This is me except that we do live in the area. My friends earn so. much. more. than we do. Sometimes it's hard not to feel envious, but we roll with it.

[Anonymous]

OP, why don't you just look at the online statement? Then you will see where it all went and will be in a better position to discuss this. It was just Xmas - how much did you spend on gifts? What about food?

Instead of claiming, "She doesn't appreciate how hard it is to make a lot of money" why don't you sit down together, as a team, and decide where you do and do not want to spend your (combined) income.

There may be a lot of costs associated with your life that you know nothing about. Find out first before yelling about your wife's upbringing.

[Anonymous]

Wtf did she buy!?

[Anonymous]

OP, you've identified your problem (spoiled, financially unconcerned wife) and it does not good to rant to us here. Why is it so hard for you to man up and talk to her about this? It sounds like you're going to have to put her on a budget. If she doesn't like it, then it's time for her to get her behind back to work.

[Anonymous]

I'd be afraid someone stole your account number. The fact that you aren't even concerned about that says that you and your wife need to sit down and talk about money, pronto. That's insane if she really spent that and you aren't aware of a car or a vacation that was just purchased.