Wife and I don't see eye-to-eye on money
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Anonymous
Well actually you are conflating the notions of marriage and a committed relationship. Marriage is specifically a legal agreement sanctioned and enforced by the state. A committed relationship can occur between two consenting individuals. So, yes, it makes sense to focus on the legal and economic consequences of marriage separate (not exclusively) from the impact of being in a committed relationship because these are two different things. It is part of the "system" to make men and women believe that in order to be fully realized in a relationship they have to also subject themselves to the legal consequences of the marital system as it is currently structured. Further, simply taking a blind leap of faith into the legal system that is marriage is actually encouraging damaging behavior, typically for men. When you say that analyzing the actual situation one is encouraged to leap into blindly defeats the entire purpose - you are unwittingly playing the hand of those that wish to see men subjected to these unfair practices. "leap blindly!" "to question is to ruin the entire thing!" "ask no questions!" would you give that advice to your daughters? with all due respect, and i do value your opinion and appreciate the dialogue, to say that the purpose of marriage is "not contractual" is on par with Orwellian "newspeak" - it is clearly meant to obfuscate the true purpose of the action - you are playing misdirection. Marriage is a contract. Period. Love? Romantic love? Willful unions and partnerships? None of them require this contract that has its basis in another era. And I'll remind you, in that era woman were delivered as virgins, came with a dowry, and were subjugated to their husbands as the bible commands (I am not religious). All the bad parts of the marriage agreement for women have been stripped, leaving it barren for the man, solely existing as a tool for enforcement, asset extraction, and punishment. --- Yes, there are definitely women who are focused on their male family members and partners more than anything else - and I applaud that and cherish that in my own relationships. However, there is in fact an organized movement that works to empower women as a group often times at the expense of men as a group. To avoid considering that, is again, negligent and ignorant. |
Anonymous
Umm, why should your wife pay 50% of your expenses when she only makes 1/3 of the amount you make? I'm in an opposite scenario. I (wife) make about 3 times more than my husband. Therefore, he pays about 1/3 of our expenses, not half. If I demanded he cover half, he would barely have anything left over out of his salary. It's not about gender, it's about income. Sounds like you have a great set-up for you....not so great for your wife. |
Anonymous
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I actually agree with the 50/50 guy.
The only issue would be when there was a MAJOR gap in income ($150k vs $40k, for example), and you were living a $250k lifestyle - every cent of the lower earners income would be gone. However, I don't think 50/50 guy and his wife would then agree to a $250k lifestyle -- correct? I have to assume that 50/50 guy isn't demanding this upper class lifestyle from his wife and she can't afford it. |
Anonymous
| * was supposed to say "($250k vs $40k, for example) |
Anonymous
50/50 guy here. It is about 3:1 and she makes around $90k. and still has plenty to save. And we live well under our collective means, each of us saving about 20% of gross. |
Anonymous
and i'll add that i also use the other money I have for child support, other investments and my other expenses which outweigh hers - like cars and other things. i also pay a larger share of the housing expense because i use more of the living space than she does. |
Anonymous
NP here, I know my main problem with your posts is that you keep wanting a reason for why women feel entitled to their husbands' earnings. So you only feel this is a trait of women and not men. What about households where the woman earns more than the man? They are fairly common around here. If you always think it should be 50/50, then stop assigning this feeling of entitlement to women only. For my marriage at least, we have always pooled our money. We each get an equal amount to spend on ourselves, with no justification required to the other. And the rest is put into a joint account, to be spent on all household expenses. This arrangement has worked for us for 10 years now, through times where he has earned more and times where I have earned more. We sit down together annually for a big budget meeting where we set our budget for the upcoming year, and then we go over it together every couple of months to make sure that we are still on track and reevaluate where necessary. He regularly monitors our accounts and expenses, as he now stays at home and has more time for this task and is the primary shopper for the house. I used to be the one who did this when he was still working and I had more time. I think this approach works for us as opposed to your absolute division of money, because too many things are not easily assigned a value or divided between us. He is home more than I am, so should he pay more of the mortgage and utilities? Work around the home has never been 50/50 either. Whichever one of us is home more does more cleaning/cooking/laundry. Instead of keeping track of who is doing what, we both do what we can to make life as good as possible for our family as a whole. You stated in an earlier post that this is very communist, and it is. We each are working for the good of the family, sharing all resources and work, each contributing what we can. Just because I don't believe this works for a society doesn't mean it doesn't work best for a family, where the well being of the family as a whole is extremely important to me as an individual. This is of course what works for my marriage. I don't believe that this is what is best for everyone. I think each couple needs to determine what works for them and do it. I do know that I would not have married someone who believed the way you do, but I don't think you would marry someone that believes the way I do. And that's fine. Why do you want justification for why other people do things differently than you do? Let them do what works for them and you do what works for you. |
Anonymous
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Op you said in your own words that you pushed her to quit her job.
You sound controlling. Like you want to be the one earning all the money and controlling how it is spent. |
Anonymous
sounds so much like my husband. His income is 3 times more and we used to split the budget % to the incomes. But recently he brought our an issue that I have to pay 50%. Because his money is HIS money, just like quoting you. He says he is not sharing his paycheck anymore, because he thinks I had a big savings. Although I print our my credit card statements showing that my expenses were equal to my paycheck, he doesn't care. And he believes I just enjoy parenting and housekeeping in addition to my full time job. He is sure that we are happy couple, because we have hottest sex. Because I never complained. guess what....I want a divorce 
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