New baby, Vegas and strip clubs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this bothers you now more than before OP, because the dynamics in your family have changed. Now you are parents and you feel things should be different.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be too happy staying home w/an 11 wk. old baby by myself while my hubby was off in Vega$ oogling naked women and making it rain dollar bills. As everyone knows..."What Happens in Vega$ STAYS in Vega$."

How much do you really trust your hubby? 100%? If so, then I would let him go and not worry too much.

But in my humble opinion, it really isn't a scene for a married man to be at, esp. one who just became a new father a few mos. ago.

What could he have in common w/a group of 25 yr. olds anyway??!

He isn't a new father! They have a seven year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

There is a time and place for everything and this is not the time or place. I feel awful about myself right now and freely admit I am self conscience and jealous. It was a hard pregnancy that took 7 years to achieve and I guess I just want him to WANT to not go. And I wish that he had the balls to say that he didn't want to disrespect my feelings and do something else instead. I want him to have a good time always. I just don't think THIS is the time or place to be looking at hot naked women. I guess I was just hoping that he'd understand my perspective.

as I guy, thumbs up on that.

I used to pee and poop my pants. That doesnt make it okay for me to do that now if I have no underlying medical condition. You see my point. The thing is, the other bachelors should understand his position, and part of transitioning into a real man, is knowing that hey, your husband should go but there are appropriate venues for it. At the same time, your husband should say, listen guys, I dont want to spoil your fun, but I have a wonderful and beautiful wife and a new baby. I have to kind of play it cool on this one.

A responsible father will be responsible and find ways to play responsibly.

Does your DW let you see your balls often?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here

There is a time and place for everything and this is not the time or place. I feel awful about myself right now and freely admit I am self conscience and jealous. It was a hard pregnancy that took 7 years to achieve and I guess I just want him to WANT to not go. And I wish that he had the balls to say that he didn't want to disrespect my feelings and do something else instead. I want him to have a good time always. I just don't think THIS is the time or place to be looking at hot naked women. I guess I was just hoping that he'd understand my perspective.

as I guy, thumbs up on that.

I used to pee and poop my pants. That doesnt make it okay for me to do that now if I have no underlying medical condition. You see my point. The thing is, the other bachelors should understand his position, and part of transitioning into a real man, is knowing that hey, your husband should go but there are appropriate venues for it. At the same time, your husband should say, listen guys, I dont want to spoil your fun, but I have a wonderful and beautiful wife and a new baby. I have to kind of play it cool on this one.

A responsible father will be responsible and find ways to play responsibly.

Does your DW let you see your balls often?

Oh noes! I can't get a lap dance from a naked chick and make it rain so if must mean the wifey is a controlling witch. Oh shucks

[Anonymous]

OP here

The outcome: after much thought, I realized by anger/sadness truly came from the fact that
1)he was not up front about the strip club
2) he did not validate my feelings (insecurity, jealous) and/or try to make me feel better during our original conversation.
3) I am beyond anxious about all the changes currently happening in our life and don't fell like he is on board or supportive in the ways a husband should be.
Aka-we are not connecting.
Yesterday, he decided not to go to Vegas at all. Which just made me feel worse, because I am not controlling or needy. Historically, I am a damn cool wife! And I never want him to miss out on the opportunity to travel or hang out and make new memories with my soon to be brother in law. Hell, the thought of sitting in Vegas without two kids sounds amazing. So, he's on a plane as I type this. I realized that asking him not to go wouldn't do either of us any favors and would just create more resentment on his side. Hopefully this was the right choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

The outcome: after much thought, I realized by anger/sadness truly came from the fact that
1)he was not up front about the strip club
2) he did not validate my feelings (insecurity, jealous) and/or try to make me feel better during our original conversation.
3) I am beyond anxious about all the changes currently happening in our life and don't fell like he is on board or supportive in the ways a husband should be.
Aka-we are not connecting.
Yesterday, he decided not to go to Vegas at all. Which just made me feel worse, because I am not controlling or needy. Historically, I am a damn cool wife! And I never want him to miss out on the opportunity to travel or hang out and make new memories with my soon to be brother in law. Hell, the thought of sitting in Vegas without two kids sounds amazing. So, he's on a plane as I type this. I realized that asking him not to go wouldn't do either of us any favors and would just create more resentment on his side. Hopefully this was the right choice?

OP, I'm the "too bad we aren't neighbors/friends" poster. I think you did the right thing. I think it's good that you and he talked, good that he was willing to not go, and good that you then encouraged him to go. He'll be back before you know it. Maybe the break will be good for him (and therefore good for you), maybe he'll feel kind of like a fish out of water with two kids and a wife at home, maybe it's a little bit of good will in the bank for you and a learning experience for both of you. And maybe next time you'll be able to get to the actual stuff that's annoying you in time to address it more readily.

Whatever happens, I bet that a week from now you and he will be back to figuring out the new household dynamics, recovering from your first week back at work, and one week closer to better overnight stretches of sleep.

The only thing that really matters right now is that you are glad you encouraged him to go, and that hopefully you both managed to have a good/real conversation about how you were feeling.

As I said before though, in the big picture this probably won't seem like a big deal at all pretty soon. You really sound to me like you basically have your head screwed on straight. If this is the worst bump you and your husband have in adjusting to two kids then I think you're doing really well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

The outcome: after much thought, I realized by anger/sadness truly came from the fact that
1)he was not up front about the strip club
2) he did not validate my feelings (insecurity, jealous) and/or try to make me feel better during our original conversation.
3) I am beyond anxious about all the changes currently happening in our life and don't fell like he is on board or supportive in the ways a husband should be.
Aka-we are not connecting.
Yesterday, he decided not to go to Vegas at all. Which just made me feel worse, because I am not controlling or needy. Historically, I am a damn cool wife! And I never want him to miss out on the opportunity to travel or hang out and make new memories with my soon to be brother in law. Hell, the thought of sitting in Vegas without two kids sounds amazing. So, he's on a plane as I type this. I realized that asking him not to go wouldn't do either of us any favors and would just create more resentment on his side. Hopefully this was the right choice?

I was a PP, where one guy asked me if DW would "let me see my balls." I wont dignify that...

But in response to your last post, you cant have it both ways. Cherish that he is complying. Not because you forced him, but because he knows to respect you more than the BS bachelor party. Honestly, its a fucking marriage, not prison. YOu dont need to buck wild there. Anyway, your needs were valid. all of them. Husband needs to really man up and stand by her woman.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your responses. Yes, it was planned, but i didn't know about the strip club part of it until last night, even though he has known the whole time. It is not his brother, it is my sisters fiance. And, upon finding out about the strip club, I told him how it made me feel. I told him that I felt horrible about my body and that it made me jealous (and I am the least jealous person ever) and sad. I was very honest. He's still going. The reason I posted on here was to question the validity of my feelings? Knowing all of these things, is it valid to be so sad about this? I feel like I can't breathe.

I just posted a similar post...guess I am not alone. I feel the same way