New baby, Vegas and strip clubs

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for your responses. Yes, it was planned, but i didn't know about the strip club part of it until last night, even though he has known the whole time. It is not his brother, it is my sisters fiance. And, upon finding out about the strip club, I told him how it made me feel. I told him that I felt horrible about my body and that it made me jealous (and I am the least jealous person ever) and sad. I was very honest. He's still going. The reason I posted on here was to question the validity of my feelings? Knowing all of these things, is it valid to be so sad about this? I feel like I can't breathe.

I wouldn't say that your feelings are invalid, but. . . what you feel bad about is YOU. I suspect that even if he didn't go to the strip club, you'd be feeling bad about your body and jealous that he will be inevitably be seeing more physically attractive women. YOU need to get over this. I don't think it's fair (or effective) to ask him to avoid activities that you were previously OK with because you are feeling bad about yourself. Maybe think about what, if anything, your husband could do to support your efforts to feel better about yourself? Maybe give you more personal time to work out or get a pedicure/haircut? Maybe set aside more couple time? Cook/order healthy meals for you guys to eat together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have an 11 week old daughter at home and my husband (35) is leaving Friday morning to attend the bachelor party for my brother in law (25) in Vegas with all my brother in laws friends, who are also 25. I am starting back at work on Monday and leaving our newborn for the first time. I happened to be on his phone when I saw a text about their plans to spend all night at a strip club with table service, limo etc. I just find the whole situation so sad and inappropriate. I am not against strip clubs and we have gone, as a couple, many times. This just feels different and really inappropriate. Am I wrong to be upset? Thoughts? My husband thinks that I shouldn't be bothered by it.

You have gone (to strip clubs) as a couple many times? What the hell is wrong with you? You all sound like total losers.

[Anonymous]

OP, This is a YOU problem. If every man had to cancel their plans because their wife felt bad about their body, the world would stop. Don't punish him because you hate looking yourself in the mirror. Yes, the strippers will look much better than you but he's coming home to you afterwards.

[Anonymous]

OP, later on go to a strip club with hot guys and get lap dances and have fun. They're more fun anyway.

[Anonymous]

I think this bothers you now more than before OP, because the dynamics in your family have changed. Now you are parents and you feel things should be different.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be too happy staying home w/an 11 wk. old baby by myself while my hubby was off in Vega$ oogling naked women and making it rain dollar bills. As everyone knows..."What Happens in Vega$ STAYS in Vega$."

How much do you really trust your hubby? 100%? If so, then I would let him go and not worry too much.

But in my humble opinion, it really isn't a scene for a married man to be at, esp. one who just became a new father a few mos. ago.

What could he have in common w/a group of 25 yr. olds anyway??!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this bothers you now more than before OP, because the dynamics in your family have changed. Now you are parents and you feel things should be different.

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't be too happy staying home w/an 11 wk. old baby by myself while my hubby was off in Vega$ oogling naked women and making it rain dollar bills. As everyone knows..."What Happens in Vega$ STAYS in Vega$."

How much do you really trust your hubby? 100%? If so, then I would let him go and not worry too much.

But in my humble opinion, it really isn't a scene for a married man to be at, esp. one who just became a new father a few mos. ago.

What could he have in common w/a group of 25 yr. olds anyway??!

+1

[Anonymous]

I am the maid of honor for my own sister. Note:"sisters fiancé "!!
And thank you, it's extremely helpful to be called losers and know that I have a bad body image. Not exactly eye opening as I said it in the first post. I am more than aware.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never understood going to strip clubs as a last hurrah before marriage. In any other setting, looking and giving money to naked men/women would be unacceptable but it's okay because it's a strip club?

Yea, we get that, but that is not the underlying issue here.

[Anonymous]

OP, I get it. I'm pregnant with our second, and we also have an elementary schooler. I am way more hormonal during this pregnancy then I was with my first. My GI tract is a mess which doesn't make me feel all that sexy. Have you told your husband what you'd like him to do? Strip clubs may have been fine in the past, and they may be fine in the future. Right now, they are not fine. Have you told him this? Also, are you upset about going back to work? I went back to work when our first was six weeks old. When we got pregnant with the second, I told my husband I wasn't going back to work, that I felt our family needed me at home. If you'd prefer to stay home, have you explicitly told your husband this? I'm thinking this isn't so much about a strip club, and more to do with your priorities changing and him not fully grasping this. You have every right to have your needs met, just as he does. I'm betting this has very little to do with a strip club.

[Anonymous]

Previous poster again. I meant to add that your *family* needs to be your priority, not just your newborn. The baby does indeed have needs that really can't wait, but your husband and older child also have needs. If it's been all about you, and now is all about the newborn with little consideration for your husband's needs, I can see why a strip club would look really fun right about now. You have every right to ask him to meet your needs, but you also need to make sure you are meeting his. I am assumming that he is a healthy loving man, and that the strip club isn't a symptom of something unhealthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here

There is a time and place for everything and this is not the time or place. I feel awful about myself right now and freely admit I am self conscience and jealous. It was a hard pregnancy that took 7 years to achieve and I guess I just want him to WANT to not go. And I wish that he had the balls to say that he didn't want to disrespect my feelings and do something else instead. I want him to have a good time always. I just don't think THIS is the time or place to be looking at hot naked women. I guess I was just hoping that he'd understand my perspective.

as I guy, thumbs up on that.

I used to pee and poop my pants. That doesnt make it okay for me to do that now if I have no underlying medical condition. You see my point. The thing is, the other bachelors should understand his position, and part of transitioning into a real man, is knowing that hey, your husband should go but there are appropriate venues for it. At the same time, your husband should say, listen guys, I dont want to spoil your fun, but I have a wonderful and beautiful wife and a new baby. I have to kind of play it cool on this one.

A responsible father will be responsible and find ways to play responsibly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, This is a YOU problem. If every man had to cancel their plans because their wife felt bad about their body, the world would stop. Don't punish him because you hate looking yourself in the mirror. Yes, the strippers will look much better than you but he's coming home to you afterwards.

Wow. Future problem solver of the world here folks. Try to get his autograph and stuff before he becomes a real saint.

In case you were too stupid to realize that it was sarcasm, you have this inability to think but a tremendous ability to tap away at your keyboard or whatever. That makes for some of the most unwise comments I have seen on this topic. Good one brother. How about you pause a bit next time, let things mull over in your mind. See if it makes any sense. But then again, asking you to do this is about as useful as inviting a caveman cretin to join MENSA.

[Anonymous]

PP, agree times 1000. Perfectly stated.

[Anonymous]

10:29 Amen! Marry me?

[Anonymous]

My wife would be (correctly) confident that her sedate husband would not do anything inappropriate during a weekend in Vegas besides drink too much. However, she would be pissed about me going out of town when the baby is 11 weeks old and she is going into the office for the first time.