Close to fifty and considering divorce

[Anonymous]

Post-nest is cited as some of the best times in a marriage.

I'd work on it--exhibit caution before pulling the trigger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
My parents took the step you want to and neither is happy now. Mom pulled the trigger instead of going for counseling . My sisters and I still can't figure out how you can be happy through close to 30 years of marriage (and they were-lots of physical affection) and not be able to find the energy to make it through a rough patch. The travel plans they made went in the toilet, mom is very poor and neither landed on their feet romantically. As adult children we are very resentful. We had a good family life growing up and now hate holiday meal negotiations over who is going to see who. Our family no longer exists and I have never forgiven my mom for leaving for no good reason. Don't do it. Your kids will hate you.


Wake up and grow up, Child! There was most likely a very good reason, but didn't feel they owed you the details. You know far less than you think about your parents and their marriage. It was their choice to make and I'm sure it doesn't mean they loved you any less. There is only so much a person can take and it sounds like they'd had enough of whatever misery they were in.


.


I agree. Your parent's marriage is not about you as an adult child. BTW, that 30 year "happy" marriage was probably not so happy. Expecting your parent's to live the remainder of their lives in misery so that you can live a fantasy and not have to "negotiate" holidays is extremely selfish.


It's extremely selfish when divorced parents expect you to split your time between them and the spouse's parents. Sometimes you suck it up and deal with your ex or just see the grandkids less. Some families cannot afford to spend the money it takes to deal with visiting parents separately and they should not be forced to use up all of their vacation days trying to please adults who cannot be civil. You have a right to do what is best for your own well-being, but so do your kids and grandkids. If you still have unresolved feelings toward your ex, get help, but keep the kids and grandkids out of it.

It sounds like there is enough selfishness to go around in your family. If you are truly an adult, set boundaries on your time and relationships. However, expecting your parents to live in misery for your convenience is as great if not greater than the selfish of which you accuse your parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have been married 30 years. many ups and downs. Financially, divorce would be a killer for us, so we stay together. We could live separate lives if we wanted to, but as the kids got older, we grew closer. Don't underestimate the financial impact. For a man, it is relatively easy to find another woman, however you might find the new one very expensive, especially if she is younger. For the woman, over 50, pretty tough going for the average woman.

I don't know...my mom is in her 70's and she still gets hit on every now and then. She has said that she suspects that the gentlemen are looking for a caretaker more than a romantic interest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been married 30 years. many ups and downs. Financially, divorce would be a killer for us, so we stay together. We could live separate lives if we wanted to, but as the kids got older, we grew closer. Don't underestimate the financial impact. For a man, it is relatively easy to find another woman, however you might find the new one very expensive, especially if she is younger. For the woman, over 50, pretty tough going for the average woman.

I don't know...my mom is in her 70's and she still gets hit on every now and then. She has said that she suspects that the gentlemen are looking for a caretaker more than a romantic interest.

That would not work for me, but if that is what your mom wants to do...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been married 30 years. many ups and downs. Financially, divorce would be a killer for us, so we stay together. We could live separate lives if we wanted to, but as the kids got older, we grew closer. Don't underestimate the financial impact. For a man, it is relatively easy to find another woman, however you might find the new one very expensive, especially if she is younger. For the woman, over 50, pretty tough going for the average woman.

I don't know...my mom is in her 70's and she still gets hit on every now and then. She has said that she suspects that the gentlemen are looking for a caretaker more than a romantic interest.

That would not work for me, but if that is what your mom wants to do...

No, I don't think that's what she's after...or what she "wants to do", lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have been married 30 years. many ups and downs. Financially, divorce would be a killer for us, so we stay together. We could live separate lives if we wanted to, but as the kids got older, we grew closer. Don't underestimate the financial impact. For a man, it is relatively easy to find another woman, however you might find the new one very expensive, especially if she is younger. For the woman, over 50, pretty tough going for the average woman.

I don't know...my mom is in her 70's and she still gets hit on every now and then. She has said that she suspects that the gentlemen are looking for a caretaker more than a romantic interest.

That would not work for me, but if that is what your mom wants to do...

No, I don't think that's what she's after...or what she "wants to do", lol.

I think it is harder to find the right one when you get older. If you're fortunate to have been happily married for a while you probably have many years of health and happiness, children to look back on, the shared joy of grandchildren to look forward to. Whereas, if you are meeting someone for the first time at an older age, there are more likely to be health issues, maybe financial and family issues to contend with, it just seems as though it would be more complicated in some ways. Yet, the hard work and perhaps conflict of raising children and growing a career are behind you, so maybe in some ways those golden year match ups are less involved, less stressful, more rewarding. I guess it depends on the people involved.

[Anonymous]

The latest episode of Iyanla Fix My Life deals with this issue. The 18 year old daughter headed to college called the show to help her family. One person has underlying unresolved childhood issues and the episode shows the effect on the children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The latest episode of Iyanla Fix My Life deals with this issue. The 18 year old daughter headed to college called the show to help her family. One person has underlying unresolved childhood issues and the episode shows the effect on the children.

The show is "Fix My Fractured Family" S2/Ep 16