Do your teens feel trapped?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OP,
Your daughter sounds so much like our oldest daughter who was a highly organized, self-starter who carried a full course load and outside activities and did band etc. I can only say that one thing we did not catch was that maybe "because of her tight, scheduled life," especially during her senior year in high school, her overall anxiety and in some ways immaturity were masked. It showed up in college at a top university where she found herself without a schedule and plenty of open time AND the time for her inner demons of perfection and competition etc. to manifest themselves. She pulled out sophomore year second semester and at Thanksgiving her senior year AND true to form would you believe she graduated on time AND Summa Cum Laude in academics, but what a life struggle for all of us at times.

Mental health issues often arise in late teen years and can be simply missed. Parents need to have a continuing conversation that it is good and healthy to seek out counseling in high school and later on even more so when away from family in college. Mental health must be put on the same level as physical health well-being.

In looking at her overall routine, why can't our daughter just come home two afternoons a week and find other outlets for fitness besides "a class." It is important to keep up family ties so if she has younger siblings maybe to just hang a bit or help out with them at times. Also, maybe a time to just walk or run with Mom.

SO my considered advice is to think about the early advice you received to see if she might drop down a level in one subject to lessen the HW load to have some time for herself. Or if not possible, who has set out the list of colleges she is planning to apply to?? Why not do some further research for at least a couple of schools that would have the program of study AND the college life she would enjoy, but be a little less competitive to get into. Tell her you want her to apply to those schools, too. Also, be sure she applies to at least one college with rolling admissions (even as a strictly safety school) and one Early Action so that she knows she has options. Having this information before Christmas really tends to lighten the load. Again, it is a very intense period of life, but just try and be open to the cues and that a range of college options is best.

+1

So many parents are focused on the end game of college that they're sending kids off who are burned out, stressed out or worse.