Do your teens feel trapped?

[maril332]

Anonymous wrote:M

what?

[maril332]

Anonymous wrote:Poor kid. Do you think there is an organizational issue? Maybe a coach could help?

I went to a very demanding high school and my ADD showed up then - I did my work so slowly, that it took up practically all my time! Ugh.

no she is pretty much completely organized, it is just that the amount of HW takes a lot of time.

[Anonymous]

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/video/2010/10/06/VI2010100606344.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My high school days were the happiest days of my life. I did zero extra-curricular activities, smoked a fair amount of weed, and got into a top university. I guess those days are gone...

LOLZ

[Anonymous]

Life is not about hard work. Its not supposed to be drudgery. OP, your DD sounds depressed. I don't know why posters think its acceptable for a child to be this unhappy. My DD started like this. She was a great student but hated her school. Then she became severely depressed. I don't want to go into details but it was horrible. I so regretted not listening to her from the beginning. We switched her from her "rigorous" school to one where learning for learning's sake (as opposed to competition and 4 hours of homework) is valued and she is so much happier. The contrast taught me that kids actually can be happy in high school. And she's still a great student very focused on her academics.

I guess I'm pleading with you to take your DD's emotional health as seriously as you do the "rigor" of her school. You don't want her to look back and think that she hated her teen years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was my life in high school. Class from 8.00 to 3.15. mandatory sports four days a week till 4.45. Other extra currics at night and on weekends. Plus five hours of homework a night. Averaged five or six hours of sleep a night, which is not healthy for a teen.
I worked harder my junior year in high school than any year since. Even without sports and extra currics, homework plus school is over a twelve hour day.
It is absurd.
Make sure she gets at least 7.5 hours a night of sleep. Insist on it.
Encourage her to limit her extra currics.

I should add, I went to a top five college and it was like a vacation after high school! All my friends felt the same way.

I also went to NCS and me and my friends got into great colleges and felt completely burned out by the time we arrived. We look back on our college years with regret because we were decompressing rather than taking advantage of what the schools had to offer. College shouldn't be a vacation.

Its just appalling to sacrifice your happiness as a teen for some idea that there will be a pay off. There are schools with much less pressure that send their graduates to top colleges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That was my life in high school. Class from 8.00 to 3.15. mandatory sports four days a week till 4.45. Other extra currics at night and on weekends. Plus five hours of homework a night. Averaged five or six hours of sleep a night, which is not healthy for a teen.
I worked harder my junior year in high school than any year since. Even without sports and extra currics, homework plus school is over a twelve hour day.
It is absurd.
Make sure she gets at least 7.5 hours a night of sleep. Insist on it.
Encourage her to limit her extra currics.

I should add, I went to a top five college and it was like a vacation after high school! All my friends felt the same way.

I also went to NCS and me and my friends got into great colleges and felt completely burned out by the time we arrived. We look back on our college years with regret because we were decompressing rather than taking advantage of what the schools had to offer. College shouldn't be a vacation.

Its just appalling to sacrifice your happiness as a teen for some idea that there will be a pay off. There are schools with much less pressure that send their graduates to top colleges.

+1. You can never get that precious time back.

[Anonymous]

Agree with the PPs. Also be conscious of the path that she is on. We all know people who had a similar HS experience, followed by a top 10 college, followed by a top 10 med/law/PhD program, followed by whatever was professionally "best." You can lose years of your life chasing what you are "supposed" to want to show everyone you are the best. In my early to mid 30s, I am finally re-emerging and wondering why the hell I chose to start living this life at age 14 and why I and no one around me ever thought of my happiness -- rather than prestige, money etc.

[Anonymous]

OTOH, your DD will have plenty of fodder for her therapist when she's 30.

[Anonymous]

Yes, in the basement, but I promised to let them out and to begin feeding them dinner again if their grades improve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with the PPs. Also be conscious of the path that she is on. We all know people who had a similar HS experience, followed by a top 10 college, followed by a top 10 med/law/PhD program, followed by whatever was professionally "best." You can lose years of your life chasing what you are "supposed" to want to show everyone you are the best. In my early to mid 30s, I am finally re-emerging and wondering why the hell I chose to start living this life at age 14 and why I and no one around me ever thought of my happiness -- rather than prestige, money etc.

You aren't wrong, I'm not going to argue with your point. It seems like it applies to OPs kid.

However, as I look around my neighborhood and observe all the guys and some women enjoying the fruit$$$ of their prep-ivy-ivy-big law/McKinsey/Carlyle "hard labor," I'd assert that at least some people are thrilled they put in all that effort. Judging from the evident fun they have with their boats, Mercedes, additions, and annual trips to whistler, Galapagos and machu pichu. Plus the place in chilmark.

Actually the ones who have it best are the pretty stick bird trophy wives who got 3.0 in "marketing" and onky worked 3 years before they were plucked from the drudgery and installed in the fun life hi$ hard work-studying begets.

So back to the PPs question - does OPs kid have symmetrical facial features? The rest can be bought ....

[Anonymous]

maril332 wrote:My DD says she feels like everyday is hard for her. She says she feels tired of being "on" at school all day and coming home to do about 4 hrs of homework each night. She knows that life is about hard work but i suppose she is just feeling burn out?

She is at a rigorous private school (in bethesda.. take your guesses) and she complains of feeling like her life is nothing but school work. Do your kids feel like this? How do you help?

My daughter did at Langley High School (public). We moved her to private, and though her day is longer, she enjoys it all SO much more. Lots and LOTS of teens feel this burn out - isn't it ridiculous? How many years does she have left at that private? Can you move her to a different private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is there supposed to be 4 hours of homework or is she struggling with certain subjects?

Not the OP, but my daughter had this much homework in public and wasn't struggling with a thing, except for bad teaching. She said she had to teach herself a lot of the material, so that's what took up so much time.

But the truth is, this much homework is standard in a lot of schools. Shouldn't be, but it is.

[Anonymous]

OP's DD is in 12th grade, so moving doesn't seem like an option. But perhaps this can be a cautionary tale.

[Anonymous]

maril332 wrote:Hello,

She is a senior in HS. She said she felt "free" all summer (even though she had a job babysitting 3 8-hr days a week) and now she said that it is like everything has crashed down.

She didn't do great jr year (but still had the high HW load). Now she is trying to pull out at least a 3.5 avg to show colleges.

She usually goes to bed at around 12 am. Sometimes as late as 1. She says that 1 am is her cut off and I quote "If its not done by 1 am, it just isn't getting done".

Tell her my son says (who's a freshman in college) that it gets SO MUCH BETTER. HE got into a great engineering program with a 3.3 average and mid to high 600 SATs.

Have her look at Goucher in Towson - was my son's second choice. LOVELY school, GREAT location, and they are partners with John's Hopkins, so she could take a class or two there if she preferred.