African American boy at at top three: private thoughts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, the majority of AA in private schools do not experience what OP claims nor do they walk around on eggshells. And they do not walk around with their heads bowed, shivering and quaking in their boots for fear of encountering a negative racial experience. There may be some encounter with racism but nowhere near what OP is claiming. Schools couldn't stay in business if that were the case because their reputations would precede them and no one would apply.

I will not understand why anyone would apply to a school or stay at a school if you are experiencing this type of terrible behavior on behalf of the student and staff population. There are so many wonderful people to associate with. No way will I believe that the vast majority at the school are racist, vile, castigating individuals. No school could survive that reputation.

Whether you have perceived injustice or not, you need to take a look within and figure out why you think everyone at the school is against you and your son. And why haven't you surrounded yourself with people, black or white, who enjoy you for who you are?

I know AA families who have moved on. Some because the environment didn't meet their needs and preferred a majority AA environment. Some moved because of the academic pressure and cost. But the majority stay because the environment works, not just academically but socially. Nobody, including myself, goes to every cocktail party, pot luck, invitation to whatever. Yes, there is that group who thinks they're above reproach but what the hell would you want with them anyway?

You need to take a full assessment of the vibes you send out. Back off the woe is me attitude, find similar people who share your interest intellectually and socially, and all the other stuff goes into the background. If you encounter actual, face-to-face racism then, yes, fight back. Anyone would fight back, black or white! But all the woe is me demeanor is a solid negative. Take the best of what is offered. Leave the crap behind. You'll be happier and your son will most definitely be happier too. You're sending negative vibes to him!!

How are you able to speak for the majority of AA families in private schools?

Because I'm AA and in a so-called Big Three now and have been for nine years. I speak from what I have observed, and the intimacy that I share with my friends from other private schools (and I have friends in almost all of them) and what they have shared with me. My post is based on their experiences and mine.

I have known a few, and only a few, AA parents who are experiencing what OP is going through right now but they came in with concerns. They never sought out families who shared similarities and after awhile, their constant complaints to other AA families became problematic. Not because some concerns weren't justified but there was never any positive tempered with all the negative I'm thinking of a parent right now whose constant complaining became overwhelming not just to the staff but to the other AA families who she quickly and mistakenly aligned herself to . Nothing was good enough. Not the school, not the other students, and her DC became a pariah because she was just like mom. Everyone, and I mean black and white, breathed a sigh of relief when they left. Now, they recently revisted the school and will be reapplying for 2013-14. Why would you come back if you were in so much misery? Because they knew in their souls it was a good place to be. They always sought the negative and never grasped the good and positive there is at the school.

No school is a utopia. You want that, then you start your own. And let me be very, very clear. I don't tolerate racism in any form or fashion. Come to me with that, and I will most certainly put you in your place regardless of who you are. I have subtly encountered it from the people who think they're above reproach. They are not my associates and barely acquaintances. But they are not who I engage nor am I interested in what they do or say as long as it does not impact my child. Their words are meaningless. I surround myself with positive forces when I'm at school and, yes, they are in abundance. That is what OP should be looking for. You are there for your child to benefit what a top school can offer.

I stand firm. If it's too much emotionally for you or your family, then it's time to move on. This kind of misery will give OP and ulcer and put her child on a psychologist's couch. You can stay, fight when necessary, and take the best offered. Or you can stay and be totally miserable. The choice is OP's.

Correction. They revisited May 2013 and will reapply for 2014-15 school year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, the majority of AA in private schools do not experience what OP claims nor do they walk around on eggshells. And they do not walk around with their heads bowed, shivering and quaking in their boots for fear of encountering a negative racial experience. There may be some encounter with racism but nowhere near what OP is claiming. Schools couldn't stay in business if that were the case because their reputations would precede them and no one would apply.

I will not understand why anyone would apply to a school or stay at a school if you are experiencing this type of terrible behavior on behalf of the student and staff population. There are so many wonderful people to associate with. No way will I believe that the vast majority at the school are racist, vile, castigating individuals. No school could survive that reputation.

Whether you have perceived injustice or not, you need to take a look within and figure out why you think everyone at the school is against you and your son. And why haven't you surrounded yourself with people, black or white, who enjoy you for who you are?

I know AA families who have moved on. Some because the environment didn't meet their needs and preferred a majority AA environment. Some moved because of the academic pressure and cost. But the majority stay because the environment works, not just academically but socially. Nobody, including myself, goes to every cocktail party, pot luck, invitation to whatever. Yes, there is that group who thinks they're above reproach but what the hell would you want with them anyway?

You need to take a full assessment of the vibes you send out. Back off the woe is me attitude, find similar people who share your interest intellectually and socially, and all the other stuff goes into the background. If you encounter actual, face-to-face racism then, yes, fight back. Anyone would fight back, black or white! But all the woe is me demeanor is a solid negative. Take the best of what is offered. Leave the crap behind. You'll be happier and your son will most definitely be happier too. You're sending negative vibes to him!!

How are you able to speak for the majority of AA families in private schools?

Because I'm AA and in a so-called Big Three now and have been for nine years. I speak from what I have observed, and the intimacy that I share with my friends from other private schools (and I have friends in almost all of them) and what they have shared with me. My post is based on their experiences and mine.

I have known a few, and only a few, AA parents who are experiencing what OP is going through right now but they came in with concerns. They never sought out families who shared similarities and after awhile, their constant complaints to other AA families became problematic. Not because some concerns weren't justified but there was never any positive tempered with all the negative I'm thinking of a parent right now whose constant complaining became overwhelming not just to the staff but to the other AA families who she quickly and mistakenly aligned herself to . Nothing was good enough. Not the school, not the other students, and her DC became a pariah because she was just like mom. Everyone, and I mean black and white, breathed a sigh of relief when they left. Now, they recently revisted the school and will be reapplying for 2013-14. Why would you come back if you were in so much misery? Because they knew in their souls it was a good place to be. They always sought the negative and never grasped the good and positive there is at the school.

No school is a utopia. You want that, then you start your own. And let me be very, very clear. I don't tolerate racism in any form or fashion. Come to me with that, and I will most certainly put you in your place regardless of who you are. I have subtly encountered it from the people who think they're above reproach. They are not my associates and barely acquaintances. But they are not who I engage nor am I interested in what they do or say as long as it does not impact my child. Their words are meaningless. I surround myself with positive forces when I'm at school and, yes, they are in abundance. That is what OP should be looking for. You are there for your child to benefit what a top school can offer.

I stand firm. If it's too much emotionally for you or your family, then it's time to move on. This kind of misery will give OP and ulcer and put her child on a psychologist's couch. You can stay, fight when necessary, and take the best offered. Or you can stay and be totally miserable. The choice is OP's.

Correction. They revisited May 2013 and will reapply for 2014-15 school year.

Hmm, wonder what family you just exposed, there's roughly 8-10 black students in each grade. You sound lovely, by the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, the majority of AA in private schools do not experience what OP claims nor do they walk around on eggshells. And they do not walk around with their heads bowed, shivering and quaking in their boots for fear of encountering a negative racial experience. There may be some encounter with racism but nowhere near what OP is claiming. Schools couldn't stay in business if that were the case because their reputations would precede them and no one would apply.

I will not understand why anyone would apply to a school or stay at a school if you are experiencing this type of terrible behavior on behalf of the student and staff population. There are so many wonderful people to associate with. No way will I believe that the vast majority at the school are racist, vile, castigating individuals. No school could survive that reputation.

Whether you have perceived injustice or not, you need to take a look within and figure out why you think everyone at the school is against you and your son. And why haven't you surrounded yourself with people, black or white, who enjoy you for who you are?

I know AA families who have moved on. Some because the environment didn't meet their needs and preferred a majority AA environment. Some moved because of the academic pressure and cost. But the majority stay because the environment works, not just academically but socially. Nobody, including myself, goes to every cocktail party, pot luck, invitation to whatever. Yes, there is that group who thinks they're above reproach but what the hell would you want with them anyway?

You need to take a full assessment of the vibes you send out. Back off the woe is me attitude, find similar people who share your interest intellectually and socially, and all the other stuff goes into the background. If you encounter actual, face-to-face racism then, yes, fight back. Anyone would fight back, black or white! But all the woe is me demeanor is a solid negative. Take the best of what is offered. Leave the crap behind. You'll be happier and your son will most definitely be happier too. You're sending negative vibes to him!!

How are you able to speak for the majority of AA families in private schools?

Because I'm AA and in a so-called Big Three now and have been for nine years. I speak from what I have observed, and the intimacy that I share with my friends from other private schools (and I have friends in almost all of them) and what they have shared with me. My post is based on their experiences and mine.

I have known a few, and only a few, AA parents who are experiencing what OP is going through right now but they came in with concerns. They never sought out families who shared similarities and after awhile, their constant complaints to other AA families became problematic. Not because some concerns weren't justified but there was never any positive tempered with all the negative I'm thinking of a parent right now whose constant complaining became overwhelming not just to the staff but to the other AA families who she quickly and mistakenly aligned herself to . Nothing was good enough. Not the school, not the other students, and her DC became a pariah because she was just like mom. Everyone, and I mean black and white, breathed a sigh of relief when they left. Now, they recently revisted the school and will be reapplying for 2013-14. Why would you come back if you were in so much misery? Because they knew in their souls it was a good place to be. They always sought the negative and never grasped the good and positive there is at the school.

No school is a utopia. You want that, then you start your own. And let me be very, very clear. I don't tolerate racism in any form or fashion. Come to me with that, and I will most certainly put you in your place regardless of who you are. I have subtly encountered it from the people who think they're above reproach. They are not my associates and barely acquaintances. But they are not who I engage nor am I interested in what they do or say as long as it does not impact my child. Their words are meaningless. I surround myself with positive forces when I'm at school and, yes, they are in abundance. That is what OP should be looking for. You are there for your child to benefit what a top school can offer.

I stand firm. If it's too much emotionally for you or your family, then it's time to move on. This kind of misery will give OP and ulcer and put her child on a psychologist's couch. You can stay, fight when necessary, and take the best offered. Or you can stay and be totally miserable. The choice is OP's.

Correction. They revisited May 2013 and will reapply for 2014-15 school year.

Hmm, wonder what family you just exposed, there's roughly 8-10 black students in each grade. You sound lovely, by the way.

Nothing to worry about if it's not your problem child. Why do you think the PP's remarks are so heinous? Would you stay in a miserable marriage or try to find a solution? Not sure why you find this so objectionable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, the majority of AA in private schools do not experience what OP claims nor do they walk around on eggshells. And they do not walk around with their heads bowed, shivering and quaking in their boots for fear of encountering a negative racial experience. There may be some encounter with racism but nowhere near what OP is claiming. Schools couldn't stay in business if that were the case because their reputations would precede them and no one would apply.

I will not understand why anyone would apply to a school or stay at a school if you are experiencing this type of terrible behavior on behalf of the student and staff population. There are so many wonderful people to associate with. No way will I believe that the vast majority at the school are racist, vile, castigating individuals. No school could survive that reputation.

Whether you have perceived injustice or not, you need to take a look within and figure out why you think everyone at the school is against you and your son. And why haven't you surrounded yourself with people, black or white, who enjoy you for who you are?

I know AA families who have moved on. Some because the environment didn't meet their needs and preferred a majority AA environment. Some moved because of the academic pressure and cost. But the majority stay because the environment works, not just academically but socially. Nobody, including myself, goes to every cocktail party, pot luck, invitation to whatever. Yes, there is that group who thinks they're above reproach but what the hell would you want with them anyway?

You need to take a full assessment of the vibes you send out. Back off the woe is me attitude, find similar people who share your interest intellectually and socially, and all the other stuff goes into the background. If you encounter actual, face-to-face racism then, yes, fight back. Anyone would fight back, black or white! But all the woe is me demeanor is a solid negative. Take the best of what is offered. Leave the crap behind. You'll be happier and your son will most definitely be happier too. You're sending negative vibes to him!!

How are you able to speak for the majority of AA families in private schools?

Because I'm AA and in a so-called Big Three now and have been for nine years. I speak from what I have observed, and the intimacy that I share with my friends from other private schools (and I have friends in almost all of them) and what they have shared with me. My post is based on their experiences and mine.

I have known a few, and only a few, AA parents who are experiencing what OP is going through right now but they came in with concerns. They never sought out families who shared similarities and after awhile, their constant complaints to other AA families became problematic. Not because some concerns weren't justified but there was never any positive tempered with all the negative I'm thinking of a parent right now whose constant complaining became overwhelming not just to the staff but to the other AA families who she quickly and mistakenly aligned herself to . Nothing was good enough. Not the school, not the other students, and her DC became a pariah because she was just like mom. Everyone, and I mean black and white, breathed a sigh of relief when they left. Now, they recently revisted the school and will be reapplying for 2013-14. Why would you come back if you were in so much misery? Because they knew in their souls it was a good place to be. They always sought the negative and never grasped the good and positive there is at the school.

No school is a utopia. You want that, then you start your own. And let me be very, very clear. I don't tolerate racism in any form or fashion. Come to me with that, and I will most certainly put you in your place regardless of who you are. I have subtly encountered it from the people who think they're above reproach. They are not my associates and barely acquaintances. But they are not who I engage nor am I interested in what they do or say as long as it does not impact my child. Their words are meaningless. I surround myself with positive forces when I'm at school and, yes, they are in abundance. That is what OP should be looking for. You are there for your child to benefit what a top school can offer.

I stand firm. If it's too much emotionally for you or your family, then it's time to move on. This kind of misery will give OP and ulcer and put her child on a psychologist's couch. You can stay, fight when necessary, and take the best offered. Or you can stay and be totally miserable. The choice is OP's.

Umm hum. I know you both. Did you really think it was anonymous?

[Anonymous]

^^^Do you think anybody cares but you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sports have started in all schools.

I thought that was what she meant. OP, you're not alone. I know how you feel, unfortunately, I have no guidance. We're focusing on our exit strategy...college. I hope this year, you meet some good people.

Still calling BS on this. The original poster said nothing about pre-season sports (which, by the way, involve minimal parental interactions). Kudos to the original poster on getting so many people to bite on this, though -- a very successful trolling expedition indeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:people say humble brag on DCUM all the time. Are you people feeling guilty because you are the ones? I did not see any AA faces at the class parties I attended at my private.

What's up, Troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sports have started in all schools.

I thought that was what she meant. OP, you're not alone. I know how you feel, unfortunately, I have no guidance. We're focusing on our exit strategy...college. I hope this year, you meet some good people.

Still calling BS on this. The original poster said nothing about pre-season sports (which, by the way, involve minimal parental interactions). Kudos to the original poster on getting so many people to bite on this, though -- a very successful trolling expedition indeed.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently, my DS was accepted at a top three school with a scholarship. Everything should be great, but every time I visit the school I hate everything about it -- except the reputation. I just get so ANGRY, and then I just want to cry. We are a minority and I can already see how it will go down for my son. The acceptance from the other students and parents is so false and transparent. I know my DS will be a second class citizen the whole time he is there. Yes, racism is still alive and well in this country. But the school lays it on thick -- so smart, so elite-- and being a child, he thinks that it is his wonderful achievement. Although he does see the fakeness and racism.

But when I bring anything up to others, including DH, all I hear is how lucky we are to have been accepted, how valuable it is, the money, how it is a humble brag. I can totally see how others would see it that way. After all, they did not get in and he did. They think if they were there it would be so perfect --just like we did when we applied. Sometimes I see a look from the other minority moms that I am not alone, but they are sticking it our for the same reasons above. Who could turn it down?

My gut says this is a real problem for my son, but he is my oldest, so this is my first time through. Anyone else here? Anyone else pull their child because they couldn't stand by for 4 years of this? WWYD?

1. The poster initially wrote that her son was "recently . . . accepted" at a "top three school" with a scholarship. In the second paragraph, she again talks about being "accepted" to the school, in the context of talking to her husband. When posters asked how she could know so much about the atmosphere of the school without her son having attended, the OP (or someone purporting to be the OP), said that her son has already attended the school for a year.

2. In the paragraph talking about the husband, the OP writes that the husband, in arguing in favor of the school, argues that it is "a humble brag." As far as I know (strictly from DCUM), the phrase "humble brag," is used when someone purports to be being down to earth but is really trying to brag ("yes, college admissions is so difficult, our child only got into two Ivies"). This is a stock DCUM phrase, and it does not make sense as used. The poster who said the original post was "inauthentic" really nailed it.

3. OP (or someone purported to be OP) posted that "school has started." When posters pointed out that none of the DC area independent schools start until after labor day, other posters suggested the OP was referring to sports, and the OP (or someone purporting to be her) chimed in "yes I'm talking about sports." Really? Pervasive racism during two-a-days? When is she seeing teachers or parents during pre-season sports? It doesn't make sense because this is another attempt to shift the story to react to the inconsistencies.

She keeps shifting her story, people, and you all keep buying it, and starting lots of subsidiary fights while this bored, nasty, troll sits back and laughs. PT Barnum's adage lives on in the internet era.

[Anonymous]

Are you there OP?
I'm still not sure what you hate about your school and what makes your son unhappy (if he is). More details would help with more targeted advice/suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently, my DS was accepted at a top three school with a scholarship. Everything should be great, but every time I visit the school I hate everything about it -- except the reputation. I just get so ANGRY, and then I just want to cry. We are a minority and I can already see how it will go down for my son. The acceptance from the other students and parents is so false and transparent. I know my DS will be a second class citizen the whole time he is there. Yes, racism is still alive and well in this country. But the school lays it on thick -- so smart, so elite-- and being a child, he thinks that it is his wonderful achievement. Although he does see the fakeness and racism.

But when I bring anything up to others, including DH, all I hear is how lucky we are to have been accepted, how valuable it is, the money, how it is a humble brag. I can totally see how others would see it that way. After all, they did not get in and he did. They think if they were there it would be so perfect --just like we did when we applied. Sometimes I see a look from the other minority moms that I am not alone, but they are sticking it our for the same reasons above. Who could turn it down?

My gut says this is a real problem for my son, but he is my oldest, so this is my first time through. Anyone else here? Anyone else pull their child because they couldn't stand by for 4 years of this? WWYD?

1. The poster initially wrote that her son was "recently . . . accepted" at a "top three school" with a scholarship. In the second paragraph, she again talks about being "accepted" to the school, in the context of talking to her husband. When posters asked how she could know so much about the atmosphere of the school without her son having attended, the OP (or someone purporting to be the OP), said that her son has already attended the school for a year.

2. In the paragraph talking about the husband, the OP writes that the husband, in arguing in favor of the school, argues that it is "a humble brag." As far as I know (strictly from DCUM), the phrase "humble brag," is used when someone purports to be being down to earth but is really trying to brag ("yes, college admissions is so difficult, our child only got into two Ivies"). This is a stock DCUM phrase, and it does not make sense as used. The poster who said the original post was "inauthentic" really nailed it.

3. OP (or someone purported to be OP) posted that "school has started." When posters pointed out that none of the DC area independent schools start until after labor day, other posters suggested the OP was referring to sports, and the OP (or someone purporting to be her) chimed in "yes I'm talking about sports." Really? Pervasive racism during two-a-days? When is she seeing teachers or parents during pre-season sports? It doesn't make sense because this is another attempt to shift the story to react to the inconsistencies.

She keeps shifting her story, people, and you all keep buying it, and starting lots of subsidiary fights while this bored, nasty, troll sits back and laughs. PT Barnum's adage lives on in the internet era.

How right you are. No more posting from me! Fell for it, hook, line, and sinker! Off to enjoy the rest of this beautiful day.

[Anonymous]

Any of you posters take a head count of AAs at private? Don't know about yours but at ours there are not that many. OP does not want you to know who her family and school is. Duh. Pre game sports started already.

[Anonymous]

Some folks on this thread are just wonderful. Not

[Anonymous]

The OP is not fake but many of these posters have never been to a private school. It shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any of you posters take a head count of AAs at private? Don't know about yours but at ours there are not that many. OP does not want you to know who her family and school is. Duh. Pre game sports started already.

She said her son was "accepted" until she was called out. Then, hey! Turns out he'd been at the school for a year. She said "school has started" until she was called out. Then people said "she probably meant school sports." Um, okay.

The original post was (choose your adjective) fake, phony, ersatz, bogus, counterfeit, trolling.

It is, however, sort of funny how many people have gotten invested in propping it up.