African American boy at at top three: private thoughts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, I am sorry to say that I question if this is a real post. It is replete with strange DCUM buzzwords and catch phrases like "humble brag." Moreover, none of the DC independents have begun classes yet, so how much contact could you or your child have had with the school/fellow students/community?

If this IS a real post, see above -- classes have not even started yet. You seem to be jumping to a lot of conclusions based on limited contact (orientation sessions?).

Finally, if, after giving it a longer time (I would suggest a full year, but at least a semester), if you still feel this way, you should withdraw. It would not be healthy for your child to have you loathe his school on the grounds it is riddled with racism.

Again, see point 1 -- this feels like a bored person trying to stir up a DCUM hornets' nest. If it is genuine, sorry, but DCUM has a history of fake posts.

+1 That's what I thought. Seems to me anyone saying "humble brag" would fit right in.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. The OP says her son faces subtle racism at her private school, and that is fake. OOOKKK.

[Anonymous]

people say humble brag on DCUM all the time. Are you people feeling guilty because you are the ones? I did not see any AA faces at the class parties I attended at my private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^OP said they are attending on scholarship so I would think that's free. If OP is teaching her son to whine and every time there is an injustice, how will he learn to cope once he gets to college and then the workplace?

If OP can't handle the environment then it's best to make the move now into an environment where she and family will be comfortable.

It's financial aid based upon HHI, your thinking is wrong on many levels. OP is simply outraged about the culture at the school. I would imagine she will be on the school touring circuit this fall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^OP said they are attending on scholarship so I would think that's free. If OP is teaching her son to whine and every time there is an injustice, how will he learn to cope once he gets to college and then the workplace?

If OP can't handle the environment then it's best to make the move now into an environment where she and family will be comfortable.

It's financial aid based upon HHI, your thinking is wrong on many levels. OP is simply outraged about the culture at the school. I would imagine she will be on the school touring circuit this fall.

]OP is simply outraged about the culture at the school.[/b] I would imagine she will be on the school touring circuit this fall. This is far more than outrage as OP has stated. You're outraged when you're ticked out but OP sounds as if they are in agony and proceeds with caution. OP also stated she gets angry and wants to cry. Those are OP's words!

This is far more than simple outrage as you state PP. It's time to pack up. Why would a reasonable person stay in a situation that causes this much distress. There are plenty of schools out there that would meet OP's and her son's needs. She wants the benefit of a big name school, period. There are numerous private schools, secular and non-secular, that OP could've explored. She has chosen not to and her reasons are ridiculous. Good privates aplenty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^OP said they are attending on scholarship so I would think that's free. If OP is teaching her son to whine and every time there is an injustice, how will he learn to cope once he gets to college and then the workplace?

If OP can't handle the environment then it's best to make the move now into an environment where she and family will be comfortable.

It's financial aid based upon HHI, your thinking is wrong on many levels. OP is simply outraged about the culture at the school. I would imagine she will be on the school touring circuit this fall.

]OP is simply outraged about the culture at the school.[/b] I would imagine she will be on the school touring circuit this fall.

This is far more than outrage as OP has stated. You're outraged when you're ticked out but OP sounds as if they are in agony and proceeds with caution. OP also stated she gets angry and wants to cry. Those are OP's words!

This is far more than simple outrage as you state PP. It's time to pack up. Why would a reasonable person stay in a situation that causes this much distress. There are plenty of schools out there that would meet OP's and her son's needs. She wants the benefit of a big name school, period. There are numerous private schools, secular and non-secular, that OP could've explored. She has chosen not to and her reasons are ridiculous. Good privates aplenty.

I can tell you have never visited the financial aid office, dear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^OP said they are attending on scholarship so I would think that's free. If OP is teaching her son to whine and every time there is an injustice, how will he learn to cope once he gets to college and then the workplace?

If OP can't handle the environment then it's best to make the move now into an environment where she and family will be comfortable.

It's financial aid based upon HHI, your thinking is wrong on many levels. OP is simply outraged about the culture at the school. I would imagine she will be on the school touring circuit this fall.

]OP is simply outraged about the culture at the school.[/b] I would imagine she will be on the school touring circuit this fall.

This is far more than outrage as OP has stated. You're outraged when you're ticked out but OP sounds as if they are in agony and proceeds with caution. OP also stated she gets angry and wants to cry. Those are OP's words!

This is far more than simple outrage as you state PP. It's time to pack up. Why would a reasonable person stay in a situation that causes this much distress. There are plenty of schools out there that would meet OP's and her son's needs. She wants the benefit of a big name school, period. There are numerous private schools, secular and non-secular, that OP could've explored. She has chosen not to and her reasons are ridiculous. Good privates aplenty.

A plenty?

[Anonymous]

Most of the posters are white and quite affronted that someone feels that their racism is not well hidden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^OP said they are attending on scholarship so I would think that's free. If OP is teaching her son to whine and every time there is an injustice, how will he learn to cope once he gets to college and then the workplace?

If OP can't handle the environment then it's best to make the move now into an environment where she and family will be comfortable.

It's financial aid based upon HHI, your thinking is wrong on many levels. OP is simply outraged about the culture at the school. I would imagine she will be on the school touring circuit this fall.

]OP is simply outraged about the culture at the school.[/b] I would imagine she will be on the school touring circuit this fall.

This is far more than outrage as OP has stated. You're outraged when you're ticked out but OP sounds as if they are in agony and proceeds with caution. OP also stated she gets angry and wants to cry. Those are OP's words!

This is far more than simple outrage as you state PP. It's time to pack up. Why would a reasonable person stay in a situation that causes this much distress. There are plenty of schools out there that would meet OP's and her son's needs. She wants the benefit of a big name school, period. There are numerous private schools, secular and non-secular, that OP could've explored. She has chosen not to and her reasons are ridiculous. Good privates aplenty.


The psychological strain of the situation will speed up her departure. OP, the families who have left my son's school went through a period of uncertainty prior to leaving. The school's name doesn't carry much cache anymore so that's certainly not a strong enough reason to stay. Seriously, start scheduling visits to other schools now so you're all set by October. There are teachers who will quietly provide letters of rec. You can discretely plan your exit without worrying about the school retaliating. Admin really doesn't care, they'll simply give your son's slot to some wealthy family. Just focus on getting your son through this year.

[Anonymous]

First, the majority of AA in private schools do not experience what OP claims nor do they walk around on eggshells. And they do not walk around with their heads bowed, shivering and quaking in their boots for fear of encountering a negative racial experience. There may be some encounter with racism but nowhere near what OP is claiming. Schools couldn't stay in business if that were the case because their reputations would precede them and no one would apply.

I will not understand why anyone would apply to a school or stay at a school if you are experiencing this type of terrible behavior on behalf of the student and staff population. There are so many wonderful people to associate with. No way will I believe that the vast majority at the school are racist, vile, castigating individuals. No school could survive that reputation.

Whether you have perceived injustice or not, you need to take a look within and figure out why you think everyone at the school is against you and your son. And why haven't you surrounded yourself with people, black or white, who enjoy you for who you are?

I know AA families who have moved on. Some because the environment didn't meet their needs and preferred a majority AA environment. Some moved because of the academic pressure and cost. But the majority stay because the environment works, not just academically but socially. Nobody, including myself, goes to every cocktail party, pot luck, invitation to whatever. Yes, there is that group who thinks they're above reproach but what the hell would you want with them anyway?

You need to take a full assessment of the vibes you send out. Back off the woe is me attitude, find similar people who share your interest intellectually and socially, and all the other stuff goes into the background. If you encounter actual, face-to-face racism then, yes, fight back. Anyone would fight back, black or white! But all the woe is me demeanor is a solid negative. Take the best of what is offered. Leave the crap behind. You'll be happier and your son will most definitely be happier too. You're sending negative vibes to him!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, the majority of AA in private schools do not experience what OP claims nor do they walk around on eggshells. And they do not walk around with their heads bowed, shivering and quaking in their boots for fear of encountering a negative racial experience. There may be some encounter with racism but nowhere near what OP is claiming. Schools couldn't stay in business if that were the case because their reputations would precede them and no one would apply.

I will not understand why anyone would apply to a school or stay at a school if you are experiencing this type of terrible behavior on behalf of the student and staff population. There are so many wonderful people to associate with. No way will I believe that the vast majority at the school are racist, vile, castigating individuals. No school could survive that reputation.

Whether you have perceived injustice or not, you need to take a look within and figure out why you think everyone at the school is against you and your son. And why haven't you surrounded yourself with people, black or white, who enjoy you for who you are?

I know AA families who have moved on. Some because the environment didn't meet their needs and preferred a majority AA environment. Some moved because of the academic pressure and cost. But the majority stay because the environment works, not just academically but socially. Nobody, including myself, goes to every cocktail party, pot luck, invitation to whatever. Yes, there is that group who thinks they're above reproach but what the hell would you want with them anyway?

You need to take a full assessment of the vibes you send out. Back off the woe is me attitude, find similar people who share your interest intellectually and socially, and all the other stuff goes into the background. If you encounter actual, face-to-face racism then, yes, fight back. Anyone would fight back, black or white! But all the woe is me demeanor is a solid negative. Take the best of what is offered. Leave the crap behind. You'll be happier and your son will most definitely be happier too. You're sending negative vibes to him!!

How are you able to speak for the majority of AA families in private schools?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First, the majority of AA in private schools do not experience what OP claims nor do they walk around on eggshells. And they do not walk around with their heads bowed, shivering and quaking in their boots for fear of encountering a negative racial experience. There may be some encounter with racism but nowhere near what OP is claiming. Schools couldn't stay in business if that were the case because their reputations would precede them and no one would apply.

I will not understand why anyone would apply to a school or stay at a school if you are experiencing this type of terrible behavior on behalf of the student and staff population. There are so many wonderful people to associate with. No way will I believe that the vast majority at the school are racist, vile, castigating individuals. No school could survive that reputation.

Whether you have perceived injustice or not, you need to take a look within and figure out why you think everyone at the school is against you and your son. And why haven't you surrounded yourself with people, black or white, who enjoy you for who you are?

I know AA families who have moved on. Some because the environment didn't meet their needs and preferred a majority AA environment. Some moved because of the academic pressure and cost. But the majority stay because the environment works, not just academically but socially. Nobody, including myself, goes to every cocktail party, pot luck, invitation to whatever. Yes, there is that group who thinks they're above reproach but what the hell would you want with them anyway?

You need to take a full assessment of the vibes you send out. Back off the woe is me attitude, find similar people who share your interest intellectually and socially, and all the other stuff goes into the background. If you encounter actual, face-to-face racism then, yes, fight back. Anyone would fight back, black or white! But all the woe is me demeanor is a solid negative. Take the best of what is offered. Leave the crap behind. You'll be happier and your son will most definitely be happier too. You're sending negative vibes to him!!

You are a sanctimonious jerk. The OP did not say that the racism was overt. No one is that stupid in todays privates. "Wonderful people?" "woe is me?" You sound like a school admin.

[Anonymous]

"Mildred, we have tried our hardest with that Alfonso! and he is not very nice. Do you think he sees right through us?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, the majority of AA in private schools do not experience what OP claims nor do they walk around on eggshells. And they do not walk around with their heads bowed, shivering and quaking in their boots for fear of encountering a negative racial experience. There may be some encounter with racism but nowhere near what OP is claiming. Schools couldn't stay in business if that were the case because their reputations would precede them and no one would apply.

I will not understand why anyone would apply to a school or stay at a school if you are experiencing this type of terrible behavior on behalf of the student and staff population. There are so many wonderful people to associate with. No way will I believe that the vast majority at the school are racist, vile, castigating individuals. No school could survive that reputation.

Whether you have perceived injustice or not, you need to take a look within and figure out why you think everyone at the school is against you and your son. And why haven't you surrounded yourself with people, black or white, who enjoy you for who you are?

I know AA families who have moved on. Some because the environment didn't meet their needs and preferred a majority AA environment. Some moved because of the academic pressure and cost. But the majority stay because the environment works, not just academically but socially. Nobody, including myself, goes to every cocktail party, pot luck, invitation to whatever. Yes, there is that group who thinks they're above reproach but what the hell would you want with them anyway?

You need to take a full assessment of the vibes you send out. Back off the woe is me attitude, find similar people who share your interest intellectually and socially, and all the other stuff goes into the background. If you encounter actual, face-to-face racism then, yes, fight back. Anyone would fight back, black or white! But all the woe is me demeanor is a solid negative. Take the best of what is offered. Leave the crap behind. You'll be happier and your son will most definitely be happier too. You're sending negative vibes to him!!

How are you able to speak for the majority of AA families in private schools?

Because I'm AA and in a so-called Big Three now and have been for nine years. I speak from what I have observed, and the intimacy that I share with my friends from other private schools (and I have friends in almost all of them) and what they have shared with me. My post is based on their experiences and mine.

I have known a few, and only a few, AA parents who are experiencing what OP is going through right now but they came in with concerns. They never sought out families who shared similarities and after awhile, their constant complaints to other AA families became problematic. Not because some concerns weren't justified but there was never any positive tempered with all the negative I'm thinking of a parent right now whose constant complaining became overwhelming not just to the staff but to the other AA families who she quickly and mistakenly aligned herself to . Nothing was good enough. Not the school, not the other students, and her DC became a pariah because she was just like mom. Everyone, and I mean black and white, breathed a sigh of relief when they left. Now, they recently revisted the school and will be reapplying for 2013-14. Why would you come back if you were in so much misery? Because they knew in their souls it was a good place to be. They always sought the negative and never grasped the good and positive there is at the school.

No school is a utopia. You want that, then you start your own. And let me be very, very clear. I don't tolerate racism in any form or fashion. Come to me with that, and I will most certainly put you in your place regardless of who you are. I have subtly encountered it from the people who think they're above reproach. They are not my associates and barely acquaintances. But they are not who I engage nor am I interested in what they do or say as long as it does not impact my child. Their words are meaningless. I surround myself with positive forces when I'm at school and, yes, they are in abundance. That is what OP should be looking for. You are there for your child to benefit what a top school can offer.

I stand firm. If it's too much emotionally for you or your family, then it's time to move on. This kind of misery will give OP and ulcer and put her child on a psychologist's couch. You can stay, fight when necessary, and take the best offered. Or you can stay and be totally miserable. The choice is OP's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, the majority of AA in private schools do not experience what OP claims nor do they walk around on eggshells. And they do not walk around with their heads bowed, shivering and quaking in their boots for fear of encountering a negative racial experience. There may be some encounter with racism but nowhere near what OP is claiming. Schools couldn't stay in business if that were the case because their reputations would precede them and no one would apply.

I will not understand why anyone would apply to a school or stay at a school if you are experiencing this type of terrible behavior on behalf of the student and staff population. There are so many wonderful people to associate with. No way will I believe that the vast majority at the school are racist, vile, castigating individuals. No school could survive that reputation.

Whether you have perceived injustice or not, you need to take a look within and figure out why you think everyone at the school is against you and your son. And why haven't you surrounded yourself with people, black or white, who enjoy you for who you are?

I know AA families who have moved on. Some because the environment didn't meet their needs and preferred a majority AA environment. Some moved because of the academic pressure and cost. But the majority stay because the environment works, not just academically but socially. Nobody, including myself, goes to every cocktail party, pot luck, invitation to whatever. Yes, there is that group who thinks they're above reproach but what the hell would you want with them anyway?

You need to take a full assessment of the vibes you send out. Back off the woe is me attitude, find similar people who share your interest intellectually and socially, and all the other stuff goes into the background. If you encounter actual, face-to-face racism then, yes, fight back. Anyone would fight back, black or white! But all the woe is me demeanor is a solid negative. Take the best of what is offered. Leave the crap behind. You'll be happier and your son will most definitely be happier too. You're sending negative vibes to him!!

You are a sanctimonious jerk. The OP did not say that the racism was overt. No one is that stupid in todays privates. "Wonderful people?" "woe is me?" You sound like a school admin.

Your name calling does not bother me nor will I call you a name. I am quite secure in who I am. OP is unhappy and cries. Does that sound like someone who is happy in their situation?