African American boy at at top three: private thoughts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School hasn't started yet. I also question whether OP is real or whether a white poster with an ugly agenda is behind it.

She never said this is his first year. She said recently which could mean he's already done a year or two. My goodness, people can't read on this board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School hasn't started yet. I also question whether OP is real or whether a white poster with an ugly agenda is behind it.

She never said this is his first year. She said recently which could mean he's already done a year or two. My goodness, people can't read on this board.

She said "recently he was accepted to school." Not "he started at a school" or anything like that . . . "accepted." It absolutely sounds as the [possibly mythical] child has not yet attended the school yet. People stop talking in terms of acceptance once their child has matriculated. If the [possibly mythical] child has attended for at least one year, and the [possibly mythical mother] hates it this much, she should probably look for other options because either (a) the racism is real and it's not a good environment; or (b) she is perceiving racism where it does not exist and poisoning her son's experience.

[Anonymous]

I don't believe this post is real. He was recently accepted and yet has had so many negative visits that she relates to other minority parents' special downcast looks?

Right.

[Anonymous]

OP, while I won't deny what you're feeling and anticipating, school is about to start in a few days and I think you may be really nervous. Allow your son to evaluate whether or not he likes the school this year. He's old enough to do this now. In high school you have very limited contact with the other parents. Get to know your son's teachers and coaches. Volunteer at the school or at one of the events. Hopefully, you'll make a friend or two along the way. Don't allow real or perceived racism to do you or your son in.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This is his second year. There are not very many of us minority DCs and parents so I am being careful. No need to make it worse when I cannot replace the school with one like it. I was hoping that things would be better this year. School has started. So far, not seeing an improvement. Other parents are careful with our information as we organize for yet another year. But he feeling of dread is palpable. We were hesitant to re enroll last spring, but we did it for the reasons in my original post.

[Anonymous]

There are certainly issues with race and class/money, but I'd strongly bet the parents notice this a lot more than kids do. Sure, there may be some patronizing or unfair assumptions, but frankly some of the smartest kids, like brain surgeon smart, in my big 3 class (yea, a while ago) were African Americans (ie born here, not kids of diplomats, world bank, etc) which quickly puts any "affirmative action" comments to rest. In retrospect I realize most of my classmates had a lot more cash and hung out at country clubs, etc., but frankly at the time I didn't really notice/care. Parents may, but kids not so much.

All that said I doubt this post is real. And if it is, remember this is about your kid, and how he likes it, not improving parents' social life. Snobs will be snobs. Unless teachers don't take your dc seriously, in which case, need to explore options.

[Anonymous]

As a Sidwell parent I can only speak to personal experience. It is a great place for minorities (I am one). Perhaps you had a bad interaction with one or a few families but that is the exception. Everyone finds a niche with which they are comfortable. Nobody is friends with everybody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm white, and a female, so I can't fully relate. But I will say that from my observations having been at several elite schools and universities where African Americans are the minority, there are a couple pluses.

One, it always seemed to me that the African American kids had each others' backs. They were an instant clique. Instead of having to maneuver the often snobby social dynamics of the white kids, they had an instant home among the African American kids. At the same time, they seemed to have friendly relations with most of the white kids.

Two, if he does somewhat well academically, college admissions will be great for him. College admissions officers want to up their minority acceptance, and when they see the kid was able to get a's and b's at sidwell, etc, they will love him. A white kid with the same academic profile would have to have something else going for him to get in (legacy, president of student body, star athlete etc). Being African American coming from one of these schools is like being president of the student body. So he can focus on academics, and do only extra currics that he truly loves.

I really think most of the white parents at these schools want their kids to be in a diverse environment and are probably going to be glad your son is there.

Ouch!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is his second year. There are not very many of us minority DCs and parents so I am being careful. No need to make it worse when I cannot replace the school with one like it. I was hoping that things would be better this year. School has started. So far, not seeing an improvement. Other parents are careful with our information as we organize for yet another year. But he feeling of dread is palpable. We were hesitant to re enroll last spring, but we did it for the reasons in my original post.

OP, why did you feel the need to manipulate us by saying your "DC was recent admitted..." when that's not the case. Sounds like the main problem may be with you, not with the school.

[Anonymous]

Are these posters really saying that racism does not exist and that OP is just making it up? Wow. Just wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently, my DS was accepted at a top three school with a scholarship. Everything should be great, but every time I visit the school I hate everything about it -- except the reputation. I just get so ANGRY, and then I just want to cry. We are a minority and I can already see how it will go down for my son. The acceptance from the other students and parents is so false and transparent. I know my DS will be a second class citizen the whole time he is there. Yes, racism is still alive and well in this country. But the school lays it on thick -- so smart, so elite-- and being a child, he thinks that it is his wonderful achievement. Although he does see the fakeness and racism.

But when I bring anything up to others, including DH, all I hear is how lucky we are to have been accepted, how valuable it is, the money, how it is a humble brag. I can totally see how others would see it that way. After all, they did not get in and he did. They think if they were there it would be so perfect --just like we did when we applied. Sometimes I see a look from the other minority moms that I am not alone, but they are sticking it our for the same reasons above. Who could turn it down?

My gut says this is a real problem for my son, but he is my oldest, so this is my first time through. Anyone else here? Anyone else pull their child because they couldn't stand by for 4 years of this? WWYD?

This post could not be more fake.

You mean to say that although there are a number of other moms of color at the school who the poster thinks shares her reservations, she turns for advice and support to DCUM -- not known to be a venue particularly friendly in discussions about race and racial privilege? Highly unlikely.

I agree with earlier comments as well, that the language in which this post is written sounds calculated and unauthentic, among the other problems with it.

[Anonymous]

Totally fake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently, my DS was accepted at a top three school with a scholarship. Everything should be great, but every time I visit the school I hate everything about it -- except the reputation. I just get so ANGRY, and then I just want to cry. We are a minority and I can already see how it will go down for my son. The acceptance from the other students and parents is so false and transparent. I know my DS will be a second class citizen the whole time he is there. Yes, racism is still alive and well in this country. But the school lays it on thick -- so smart, so elite-- and being a child, he thinks that it is his wonderful achievement. Although he does see the fakeness and racism.

But when I bring anything up to others, including DH, all I hear is how lucky we are to have been accepted, how valuable it is, the money, how it is a humble brag. I can totally see how others would see it that way. After all, they did not get in and he did. They think if they were there it would be so perfect --just like we did when we applied. Sometimes I see a look from the other minority moms that I am not alone, but they are sticking it our for the same reasons above. Who could turn it down?

My gut says this is a real problem for my son, but he is my oldest, so this is my first time through. Anyone else here? Anyone else pull their child because they couldn't stand by for 4 years of this? WWYD?

Well, then do not go. According to the other thread, "If you send your kid to private school you are a bad person".

[Anonymous]

O, how does your SON like HIS school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is his second year. There are not very many of us minority DCs and parents so I am being careful. No need to make it worse when I cannot replace the school with one like it. I was hoping that things would be better this year. School has started. So far, not seeing an improvement. Other parents are careful with our information as we organize for yet another year. But he feeling of dread is palpable. We were hesitant to re enroll last spring, but we did it for the reasons in my original post.

Well, although the OP said her child was at a "Big 3," school has NOT yet started at Beauvoir, St. Albans, GDS, Maret, or Sidwell. (For that matter, school also has not yet started at Landon, Potomac, or Bullis.) So this is another reason I find the posts dubious.