Not potty-trained at 3...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a friend who was shocked that we potty trained "before three." When I told him it was before two, actually, he was like "why would anyone do that?" It's not that I'm judging them, but I kind of wonder how it's possible that these parents are surprised that kids are potty trained earlier now. It seems like most of the children we know are potty trained long before three these days, and if they aren't, the parents are pretty much like "we're having a hard time with it."

???

I don't even think it's that kids are trained "earlier" now. From what my mom and grandmother tell me, in their generation, kids were potty trained by 3 (if not earlier). In times before disposable diapers, people wanted to potty train as soon as possible. think of the times before washing machines existed or before they were standard household appliances! Cloth diapers were not an easy thing to deal with. So the sooner the kid was out of them, the better. In fact, I believe that pre-1900s, kids were potty trained before 2.

It's actually a very modern thing to wait, and that is mainly because of disposable diapers. It is not because it's better for the child.

I agree with the experts. a kid should be trained by 3, if not sooner, unless there is a developmental issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

so laughable. I am not this kind of parent at all and my kid potty trained late. It really does depend on the kid. I know it is a comforting fantasy that you can create or mold your kids in certain ways, but they are their own little people and would turn out much the way they would turn out even of they were raised in a different family (twin adoption studies show this). Enjoy your kids, enjoy your family. Love them. But don't delude yourself that you can mold them one way or another. Small influences is all we bring, and that mostly through modeling not through direct interaction with them.

If you had your kid in 1970 it would not have even been a socially acceptable option to train late. It really just depends on the PARENT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

so laughable. I am not this kind of parent at all and my kid potty trained late. It really does depend on the kid. I know it is a comforting fantasy that you can create or mold your kids in certain ways, but they are their own little people and would turn out much the way they would turn out even of they were raised in a different family (twin adoption studies show this). Enjoy your kids, enjoy your family. Love them. But don't delude yourself that you can mold them one way or another. Small influences is all we bring, and that mostly through modeling not through direct interaction with them.

So if your child were brought up in a family that didn't decide to wait until later to train, or a country other than ours that does not generally wait past early toddlerhood to potty train, your contention is that he would be the lone hold out, taking two more years to learn to use a toilet despite having a parent other than you who was willing to teach him. Surely you don't believe that.

[Anonymous]

Where are all these "experts" saying kids should be trained by 3? I never read any when I was getting ready to train my son.

[Anonymous]

I started "training" my son a few months before his 3rd bday. He no longer wore diapers or Pull-Ups except at night. I took him to the bathroom at regular intervals all day long. He would pee in the toilet sometimes and sometimes in his underwear. He almost always pooped in his underwear. It didn't bother him to be wet or poopy. Not at all. So we did the naked training which resulted in me using copious amounts of stain remover. So then I started reading some books and tried what they suggested. He still didn't care and no amount of incentives made a difference in the long term. Finally, around 3.5 yrs old, after I was exhausted, he finally started going on his own. I don't think this is unusual at all especially for boys and especially for first born boys. I think the OP needs to mind her own business. Who cares if she is potty trained 3 months ago or in 3 months?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I started "training" my son a few months before his 3rd bday. He no longer wore diapers or Pull-Ups except at night. I took him to the bathroom at regular intervals all day long. He would pee in the toilet sometimes and sometimes in his underwear. He almost always pooped in his underwear. It didn't bother him to be wet or poopy. Not at all. So we did the naked training which resulted in me using copious amounts of stain remover. So then I started reading some books and tried what they suggested. He still didn't care and no amount of incentives made a difference in the long term. Finally, around 3.5 yrs old, after I was exhausted, he finally started going on his own. I don't think this is unusual at all especially for boys and especially for first born boys. I think the OP needs to mind her own business. Who cares if she is potty trained 3 months ago or in 3 months?

You started about a year too late, like everyone else who thinks kids are not ready until 3.5. Look, NBD, but your child was trained late because of decisions you made, not anything particular to him.

[Anonymous]

So I should've started when he was a few months shy of his 2nd birthday then? LOL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I should've started when he was a few months shy of his 2nd birthday then? LOL!

Yes. That's when I trained my kids and they were done by 2. Waiting longer makes them more resistant due to both terrible twos defiance stuff and the simple fact that it means they will have been using diapers for much longer, so it is harder to make the transition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So I should've started when he was a few months shy of his 2nd birthday then? LOL!

Actually, yes. I've read in a number of articles that you should start around (or maybe even slightly before) 2.

[Anonymous]

2 - turning 4 years is all within normal limits and lots of ways to train early. 3 is not late, not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So I should've started when he was a few months shy of his 2nd birthday then? LOL!

Actually, yes. I've read in a number of articles that you should start around (or maybe even slightly before) 2.

And for those of you scoffing and saying "that's ridiculous!," I am here to tell you that many of us look at your 3.5 year old who is talking, running, playing tee ball AND pooping in a diaper, and say "that's ridiculous!".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh, I find these roundabout questions coupled with OPs who argue with everyone annoying. OP, you are not asking if it's normal to not be potty-trained at 3. You are saying you have specific concerns about your niece and that her parents are holding back her development and causing her embarrassment by not allowing her to use the potty. In that case, say something, gently and with humility of course. I'm not sure why you are posting this if you also point out that there's no way you'll mention anything to the parents.

OP here...umm, of the 69 posts this thread has generated, I have posted 9 of them and identified myself on most. I am hardly arguing with everyone. I am genuinely curious as to whether others believe 3 is late to be untrained, hence my post. Why do I have to say something to the parents as a prerequisite to posting? I have decided the best thing is to be quiet and it would make me feel better to know folks think this is not such a big deal. Slow your roll!

[Anonymous]

I don't think this is unusual at all especially for boys and especially for first born boys.

Whoa, why are you attributing it mostly to first born boys? What is the basis for that?

[Anonymous]

I think peer pressure is a big factor in potty training. My son is the youngest kid in his daycare class by 5 months, but was very concerned about not wanting to be the last one wearing diapers. We had tried bribes, stickers, charts, etc., but nothing had any effect until he started noticing what the other kids were doing, at which point he started doing it quickly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I don't think this is unusual at all especially for boys and especially for first born boys.

Whoa, why are you attributing it mostly to first born boys? What is the basis for that?

They don't have any older siblings to model after. And they are boys and they just don't care.