Not potty-trained at 3...

[Anonymous]

In the 60s and 70s, in the era of early potty training, there were many many kids who still didn't potty train before 3 or 3.5, and they were indeed shamed for it and did get complexes from it. So much nicer today where we are more tolerant of a range of normal. My dh's brother, early 70s, was still having accidents late late, and it was one of the ways he became self- identified as a problem kid. One of DH's brother's son was also a late trainer, but it was not considered abnormal in the late 90s and so no stigma for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gross and weird. But just avoid. Anyone who waits until their kid is three to start potty training is probably pretty annoying with respect to most aspects of parenting. I really just think that it shows very little respect for your child as a person to not teach him/her to do things that are developmentally appropriate.

Totally agree. In fact I've go so far as to say that it's also lazy and possibly even neglectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you serious? Not every three year old is ready, simple as that.

THIS! But on the DCUM, every child is trained at 2. However, IRL, tons of kids are trained until after 3.

I don't know which alternate universe you are living in but in this part of DCi haven't seen one child without special needs who wears a day time diaper after three.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, are you serious? Not every three year old is ready, simple as that.

THIS! But on the DCUM, every child is trained at 2. However, IRL, tons of kids are trained until after 3.

I don't know which alternate universe you are living in but in this part of DCi haven't seen one child without special needs who wears a day time diaper after three.

Me too! Well, I moved to California last year. I have not seen a child over 3 in a diaper in a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have never and would never say anything, nor is this a problem in my life 19:11. It is definitely a problem in my sweet niece's life, however, and I feel for her. She is ready for training and shows embarrassment about needing her diaper changed. She is the only child in her close and extended peer group who is not trained and I just witnessed her 3 year old next door neighbor call her a baby. Further, I have never before encountered a child who is not trained at that age and I have been around a ton of kids. The occasional slip-up, sure...but no effort to train when she is clearly ready?

You're clearly not a mom, let alone THE mom, so STFU.

[Anonymous]

In fact, if you were a late trainer (post 3) would you mind telling us your stats-work or sah? Daycare or nanny? Preschool? If you have a childcare provider, do you ask them not to train at 2 or do you both think it's a good idea to wait? Young parent or old? Do you tend to be really private about it or just change the kid out at the park for all to see (like tou might a baby/toddler)? I seriously cannot figure out who these people are because I have zero interaction with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In fact, if you were a late trainer (post 3) would you mind telling us your stats-work or sah? Daycare or nanny? Preschool? If you have a childcare provider, do you ask them not to train at 2 or do you both think it's a good idea to wait? Young parent or old? Do you tend to be really private about it or just change the kid out at the park for all to see (like tou might a baby/toddler)? I seriously cannot figure out who these people are because I have zero interaction with them.

Nanny. We've been working on it since 2 1/2 with a rewards system,. He does great at home but refuses to use the potty anywhere else. I change him on the park bench if there isn't a bathroom. There is nothing wrong with him - he just needs a little more time. Agree that in past decades he would have been shamed for it, and so am thankful I live now when he won't be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In fact, if you were a late trainer (post 3) would you mind telling us your stats-work or sah? Daycare or nanny? Preschool? If you have a childcare provider, do you ask them not to train at 2 or do you both think it's a good idea to wait? Young parent or old? Do you tend to be really private about it or just change the kid out at the park for all to see (like tou might a baby/toddler)? I seriously cannot figure out who these people are because I have zero interaction with them.

Nanny. We've been working on it since 2 1/2 with a rewards system,. He does great at home but refuses to use the potty anywhere else. I change him on the park bench if there isn't a bathroom. There is nothing wrong with him - he just needs a little more time. Agree that in past decades he would have been shamed for it, and so am thankful I live now when he won't be.

Thanks for answering. Have you tried not lying him down to change--just having him stand up at the park? I think this can help. Also, does he go in his pants or just refuse to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

The thing is though, you'd never guess when you see him on the playground or running around at his brothers tball game that my 3.5 year old is special needs. And, in fact, in the grand scheme his special needs are pretty mild, but they do directly affect his ability to toilet train. Yet I'm sure you see his diaper and judge both him and me. Believe me, I've tried every method, every book, every prize, anything you can think of, but he is simply not capable at this point. And there is no one more frustrated by that than me.

[Anonymous]

My DS was potty-trained at 3.5 and did just fine, my DD was trained at 2.5. DS#2 is 26 months now and will be trained when he's good and ready, we're not in a rush. MYOB, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

The thing is though, you'd never guess when you see him on the playground or running around at his brothers tball game that my 3.5 year old is special needs. And, in fact, in the grand scheme his special needs are pretty mild, but they do directly affect his ability to toilet train. Yet I'm sure you see his diaper and judge both him and me. Believe me, I've tried every method, every book, every prize, anything you can think of, but he is simply not capable at this point. And there is no one more frustrated by that than me.

I'm not talking about special needs, regardless of whether I can diagnose the child. I'm only talking about non-special needs. Many people have posted that it's totally normal to wait until 3. They were not discussing SN. No one is talking about your SN child!

[Anonymous]

OP seems to think this needs to be done because the kid was mocked by another little kid--she witnessed another child calling this child a baby!
Oh, the horror! As if the other kid wouldn't find some other reason to call a kid "baby!"
And as if the way we respond to playground taunts is to immediately make sure our children conform to whatever the other children think is appropriate!
Hey, OP, if this 3 year old girl is "clearly ready" why doesn't she ask her parents for some underpants? A 3 year old can talk, right? I mean, if she wants to potty train, why would she not tell her parents this?
If it's not clear by now, I think you should MYOB.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

The thing is though, you'd never guess when you see him on the playground or running around at his brothers tball game that my 3.5 year old is special needs. And, in fact, in the grand scheme his special needs are pretty mild, but they do directly affect his ability to toilet train. Yet I'm sure you see his diaper and judge both him and me. Believe me, I've tried every method, every book, every prize, anything you can think of, but he is simply not capable at this point. And there is no one more frustrated by that than me.

I'm not talking about special needs, regardless of whether I can diagnose the child. I'm only talking about non-special needs. Many people have posted that it's totally normal to wait until 3. They were not discussing SN. No one is talking about your SN child!

Glad to know that's the case for you. I'm just trying to remind anyone who is tempted to judge a parent based solely on seeing a diaper on what appears to be a "normal" 3 year old (I've read enough of these threads over the past 7 years to know that plenty of people do) to stop for a second and remind themselves that they don't know the specifics about any child or family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you kiddin? On the DCUM most kids aren't trained till 4 and then most of them are still sleeping in pull ups at five. This is a population off rents who let kids dictate everything and any "challenge" is immediately diagnosed as kid isn't ready. Parents also just fine diapers easier than finding restrooms. Age 3 is plenty ready to start.

Are you buying or changing their diapers? Then shut up.

I think I have said this before. A diaper on a 3 year old is the biggest red flag a parent can throw up for me. This means that the parent bends over backwards in a zillion ways to try to help the child, but always ends up harming him/her. For example, these are the same kids who don't swim well until later because the parents freak them out about it, don't climb to the top of the jungle gym, are picky eaters, etc. Be respectful of your child as a person and help him or her grow and be confident. This starts in babyhood/toddlerhood. He/she will have an easier time in school, making friends, and in life. Infantilizing is not helping. As soon as I see that diaper, I run. My kids don't even know how to react to 3 year olds talking about having a poop in their pants (I have seen them have a funny look on their faces in a couple of these situations) because we don't generally spend time with these people and their school requires potty training by 2.5. And no--I AM NOT REFERRING TO THE SPECIAL NEEDS COMMUNITY.

The thing is though, you'd never guess when you see him on the playground or running around at his brothers tball game that my 3.5 year old is special needs. And, in fact, in the grand scheme his special needs are pretty mild, but they do directly affect his ability to toilet train. Yet I'm sure you see his diaper and judge both him and me. Believe me, I've tried every method, every book, every prize, anything you can think of, but he is simply not capable at this point. And there is no one more frustrated by that than me.

I'm not talking about special needs, regardless of whether I can diagnose the child. I'm only talking about non-special needs. Many people have posted that it's totally normal to wait until 3. They were not discussing SN. No one is talking about your SN child!

Glad to know that's the case for you. I'm just trying to remind anyone who is tempted to judge a parent based solely on seeing a diaper on what appears to be a "normal" 3 year old (I've read enough of these threads over the past 7 years to know that plenty of people do) to stop for a second and remind themselves that they don't know the specifics about any child or family.

Actually, when I was growing up, a diaper over 3 and definitely 4 usually did mean special needs. You should be annoyed that people with non-SN kids are to lazy/incompetent to potty train them and are making your kid receive unwarranted judgment. If your child were one of few 3 or older children in diapers, people would assume there was a good reason and lay off!

[Anonymous]

*too lazy